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  #1  
November 6th, 2005, 11:18 AM
LalaMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Maryland
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I never thought I would be posting a topic like this on JM. Im part of the November DDC, but my munchkin came early, on Oct 1st. Since then, hubby has been mean...for lack of better words.
Each night that he is supposed to help me, he just ends up yelling at me and telling me im not doing my job.
Last night we were laying in bed, and he was being so lazy and uncaring and selfish, so i told him in so manny words that he wasnt being a good father. He jumped up and grabbed my neck. It happened so fast, but it seemed like he was pointing a finger at my with his other hand. He might have been doing somehting else with it.
We have been married for 8months now. He has always been a little verbally abusive...once, he punched a hole in the wall of our old apartment. He has thrown things across the room a few times too. In the 2 years we have been together, I have never feared him until last night. He didnt hold my neck long, it was almost like a warning of some kind. But it scared me so badly. He then packed a bag and went to a Hotel.

I shouldnt have said what I said, but i was so angry and i am so sleep deprived. It just came out.

Is this abuse? Or does he have to actually hit me? I dont know what to do. All day he's acting like hes mad at me for what I said, even though I appologised. He dosent get that what he did frightened me so.

What Do i do???
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  #2  
November 6th, 2005, 11:32 AM
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first of all, im really sorry. noone should be treated that way.

maybe you guys could try some sort of counsiling. but please do what you need to do to keep you and baby safe.

all of us girls at the nov ddc will keep you in our thoughts.
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  #3  
November 6th, 2005, 12:30 PM
~Trina~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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That is most definately abuse in my book.... any time someone puts their hands on someone in anger is abuse.

It sounds to me as though he has some issues and they are just progressing.

I can't tell you what to do....but you have to do what is best you feel is best not just for you, but for your child as well.
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  #4  
November 6th, 2005, 02:01 PM
BensMom's Avatar Ephesians 4:29
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I've been there - and YES, it's abuse. (This was an old high school boyfriend about 12 yrs ago, so I wasn't in the situation you are where I was married and had a baby.) My religious beliefs say that you can't divorce someone unless they cheat on you, BUT that doesn't mean you can't leave them. I think you should get out if only for the baby's sake. If he really loves you and the baby, he'll realize what he's lost. If he doesn't, you're better off. Getting out is SOOOOOOOO much easier said than done. Believe me, I know! I feel for you!
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  #5  
November 6th, 2005, 02:15 PM
michelemybelle's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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In my opinion that is most definitely considered abuse. I know you are going through a lot right now with a new baby, but safety comes first.

Please do what you need to protect yourself and your baby.

There are so many resources out there that can help.

Oprah just did a show last week:
http://www2.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/20051...0051103_b.jhtml

This is a 24 hr hotline that you can call and get advice if you need to
http://www.ndvh.org/
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  #6  
November 6th, 2005, 02:34 PM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
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That sure sounds like abuse to me! I think that he needs to seek some serious help asap. Something is going on in his head and until he gets it out, he is going to continue to be aggressive. This does not sound like a safe situation for a newborn to be in. I think you need to make it clear to him that until this type of behavior ends, then he needs to find another place to stay.

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  #7  
November 6th, 2005, 03:44 PM
LalaMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thank you all for your advice. I will be staying with the baby in the guest room. As for one hour ago he appologised. He said that although he grabbed at my neck, he would never intentionally hurt me. True, it didnt necessarily hurt, but it scared me so.

I will call that hotline, thank you. I hope I can figure out a way to talk to him about this without making him angry.
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  #8  
November 6th, 2005, 03:51 PM
BensMom's Avatar Ephesians 4:29
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Quote:
Originally posted by LalaMama@Nov 6 2005, 04:44 PM
... he apologized. He said that ... he would never intentionally hurt me. <div align="right"><{POST_SNAPBACK}>
[/quote]


I hope you're right, but that boyfriend I told you about said the same thing over and over and over for nearly 2 years. My parents finally threatened him with a restraining order when he threatened to kill me in front of them (they had no idea before that point). Don't let it progress! Each time he does something like that, the easier it'll be for him to do it the next time - and the easier it'll be for you to blame yourself not leaving the first time. Stay strong. The more "off" something feels, the more it probably is. Never, ever be afraid to sneak out and get help...even from a stranger.
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  #9  
November 6th, 2005, 05:15 PM
irishxrose
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Oh sweetheart. That's abuse to me.

He may apologize, but there's always a chance he'll do it again.
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  #10  
November 7th, 2005, 06:49 AM
**Mary**'s Avatar mom to Tabby,Kk,Emi & Jay
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yeah that is definately abuse and he could do it again even though he apolgized.
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  #11  
November 7th, 2005, 10:04 AM
bellebutton's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Hugs to you!! My BF gets mad like that too and when he feels bad afterwards he sayes hes sorry and is nice to me. Abuse is abuse no matter how you look at it. Especially when they try to make things better after they do something like that. The fact is that he will never change. You either have to go to counseling(which he probably wont do) to grin and bare it. Good luck to you!!
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  #12  
November 9th, 2005, 08:31 AM
mrobinson
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I'm so sorry you're going through this too... If you want to chat about please PM me..

I was jsut chatting about this subject.. if you're interested:
http://www.justmommies.com/boards/in...owtopic=116363
http://www.justmommies.com/boards/in...owtopic=113992
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  #13  
November 9th, 2005, 08:44 AM
Kierasmom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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There is no need to grab someones neck if you get mad. That is definitely abuse.

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  #14  
November 9th, 2005, 09:38 AM
ellymayone's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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YES it is and don't think it will only be a one time thing no matter
what he says bc that is how it starts then you say something that
just p's him off that you never intended to be that way and it's a
slap on the face or a push. GET cousiling he obviously needs anger
management!! If he isn't willing to go then YOU need to leave and
go to a safe place til he is ready to get help bc if he does it to you
he WILL eventually do it to your child. I had to leave dh a couple
years ago til he would go to anger management and he did and it
helped ALOT he didn't hit me but he would threaten to kill me and
act like he was going to hit me and I just couldn't allow my children
to see that anymore. It was the hardist thing I have ever had to do
and I wanted so bad to stay there but I had to put my childrens needs
above my own and I went and got a order of protection against him
so he couldn't contact me whatso ever!! If you need someone to talk
to feel free to pm me I will be glad to talk.
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