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I will preface this by saying we do NOT spank and will not, and we prefer positive discipline/natural consequences.
This usually happens when Maya is super tired. In fact, I think it only does. It was just happening at bedtime, but last night it started earlier. She went up and pushed Sofia for no reason. I went to put her in time out, which of course she didn't like, so she began biting me. Then hitting. And she laughs. I had to hold her in time out and finally once she calms down is ok. She also does this when she wants attention I think. Any suggestions?
This sounds like Bella.
These are the things we have to do with her. Some things work better than others depending on her mood.
Time out away from the family. We will have her sit on the bottom step. This way she is close but can't see us. Both girls hate this spot b/c they want to see what is going on. Normally this works.
The next place is the office. We set up the pack n play and set her in that when she is throwing a screaming, hitting, biting fit. I know she can climb out but can't say she ever has. I think she is just to busy throwing her fit to care. Once she's done we go in and talk to her about what she was doing(we do this pretty much anytime time out is involved)
The next place is bed. I'm not so sure how that would help considering this happens at bedtime for you.
Does she still get a nap? Ellie was well past naps at Bella's age. Yet, we would never consider letting Bella skip one. She is awful if she hasn't had a rest time during the day.
If she is in this mood, I have to hold her on the step. The other day she got a time out in her room and she broke the bottom hunge off the door If DH is home he can put the gate up so she cannot push it out, but I usually can't get it tight enough.
Oh and they won't nap. She probably needs one, but she won't.
Have you tried moving bedtime earlier? My other thought would be to start taking away privileges. I know you prefer positive discipline, but when it comes to biting and hitting, we have ZERO tolerance and my kids that if they act like that, they WILL lose things that matter to them. You could also try a sticker chart for good behavior, and every day or half day that she goes with good behavior, she could add a sticker, and then get a reward at the end of the week?
If it was Carrie I'd move bedtime earlier. And only HER bedtime...if Sofia has been behaving let her keep the old bedtime. Doesn't have to be a lot either. If she's going down ten minutes before her sister she will know why and get the point.
Cooper gets like that when he is tired but it's directed at us as he doesn't have siblings
We try the time out first, if that doesn't work we "lock" him in his room until he calms down and then talk about it in a calm manner. (by "lock" I mean one of us holds the door shut). We also ignore him completely during this time, he can beg, plead and cry but until he calms down he doesn't get our attention.
Also, there is a book I started reading called "Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline" I am not too far into it but it had some good advice from what I remember.
Thankfully, we put an end to hitting/biting a couple years ago. My girls went through a bad biting phase about 2 years ago, I think. It only lasted 1-2 weeks, but I have ZERO tolerance for biting. That & hitting. Big no. Right now, if they "fight" it's always arguing over a toy (usually); we haven't had any hitting/biting in a long, long time. Also, Veronika naps 2-3h every afternoon.
But like Meagan, for unacceptable behavior we do timeout first, bedroom second. We don't need to hold the door because she just sits on the bed and sobs *sigh* until I tell her it's time to come out.
We also reward good behavior allll the time! We give them a coin which they put in a special box they have; they know when they have enough coins, we take them to TRU to buy a toy.
My first thought is to put her to bed earlier . Next, and something I learned from the girl's preschool is the phrase "we make good choices". I use that all of the time because the kids comprehend it very easily. For biting/hitting in our house, I will get down to the kids level, get nose to nose and make sure they are looking at me in the eye, and I will do a very firm, "we don't hit/we don't bite". Immediately after is time out, followed with, "you are in time out for hitting/biting". We do this every single time. I have zero tolerance for biting/hitting, etc.
After reading the other responses I had an idea, if you do the sticker chart, you could have Maya have to remove the stickers from when she was good, this way she realizes she made a bad choice. I also had another idea, instead of holding Maya in time out, how about you put her there, if she gets up, you put her back regardless of how many times you have to put her back. The idea of holding her there wouldn't work for me personally.
And about the naps that I read, I feel like most 4 y/o's don't really need to nap per say, but maybe should have at least quiet time.
I might do the sticker chart. Bed earlier won't work, I've tried it. It is really light here and she won't usually fall asleep until 7:30. 7:15 if she is really tired. With the time out thing, I was putting her in time out and wouldn't start the timer until she stayed. That didn't work because she NEVER stayed. I spent a ton of time putting her back. How long should you do this? Or do I just do it for the 4 min time out?? I need to get a book too. I swear every time I have things figured out, she throws a new one at me! And of my mom is having fun telling me that I was the exact same way
I've totally done that... putting my kids back in time out over and over for an hour. It is exhausting, but it really does work in the long run. I am not a fan of holding them down in time out, I want to pay the least amount of attention to their negative behavior as possible, so if they start fussing and getting out of time out, I will repeatedly put them back in. Time outs in the bedroom usually don't work for the big girls because they just play with their toys and I can't be bothered to remove all the toys just to put them in their room... I'd rather they sit in the corner. We do one minute per age, for their time out. They have started throwing their glasses when in time out, so we have a new rule that if they throw their glasses they get an extra 4 minutes in time out for that. We also take away toys and activities they like, for Kate I just have to threaten to take away all of her coloring stuff and she will normally stop whatever it is that she is doing.
I'm the same way with Eric, refusing to hold him in place, since it takes a lot of focus off what happened in the first place and why we're there. With Danny, if I want to doa time out, I HAVE to hold him there...so I just find other methods.
Time out has stopped working for her. So I have shifted focus to taking things away. She values watching an hour of something on netflix each day. If she starts to act up I say "do you want to lose your privileges? One more incident and they are gone for the day." She straightens up usually. If she doesn't then she loses her netflix time. I also will take away reading time before bed. Other things are time at the park or the weekly McDonalds trip. When I was having a problem with her getting ready in the morning I started a rule of her getting a sticker every morning if she got up and got ready without throwing a fit. Now we don't have to use that method anymore and she generally gets up without a fuss. Also once I say no I stick with it. There are plenty of times where I feel bad and I want to change my mind, but if I have said the word no already then I always stick with it. I also do not spank and honestly it wouldn't work with her anyways. Once I found her "currency" or what she values the most I have learned she will work to earn it.