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I am in need of some hugs! I have been having a very difficult time adjusting to my parents & niece living here. They've been here since September and I can honestly say that not many days have passed where we don't fight or argue about something. It's gotten so bad that I've had thoughts of taking the kids and running away. Now to make matters worse, I think I'm battling ppd. I can't talk to my parents about it because they'll view me as a "weak" person.
I seriously think that they are considering moving out. On one hand, I'm sad about it because Ethan loves having them here. He's going to be crushed. I also feel bad that it's not working out and I feel like I should've made it work out because of their financial situation. On the other hand, I think I'll feel relief. I don't need all of the arguing and fighting. I have enough on my plate right now. Mason has pretty bad reflux and recently had to be put on Zantac. I've been struggling emotionally since he was born. The only support I'm getting is from dh. I need cyber hugs stat!
I can understand it being sad, in a way, that they are thinking about moving it...but it sounds like for YOU and YOUR family it's the best thing. I know Ethan loves them being there, but all the extra arguing and stress isn't good for him either. I'm sorry it hasn't been working out
And you are NOT weak for having ppd! There is no weak about that, though I know a lot of people don't understand. Have you thought about going in to talk to your ob about it?
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I am sorry to hear it's not working out with your parents there. Kel is right, all the arguing and tension can't be good for either of your boys. I'm sure they can sense it.
As for PPD, I would definitely consider talking to your doc. I had it and I am forever grateful to my DH and my mom for making me go see my doc and get help. You're not weak and you're not alone. Feel free to PM me if you ever need to. HUGS to you, Rachel!!!
I am sorry to hear that But really, the last thing you need after just having a baby is constant arguing. You need to be in a calm, loving environment.
What is causing all the fighting? Do your parents have their own part of the house where you don't need to be in each others presence all the time, or is that unavoidable?
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Thanks ladies. I had ppd with Ethan but didn't know until long after it was gone. I'm trying to let it ride out because it's not that bad. It's just me feeling sad and miserable a lot. I have no thoughts of hurting Mason or myself so I'm not too worried about it. I'm sure my situation isn't helping.
Julia, they live in our finished basement. They let their dogs out through our back sliding door because I don't have a walkout basement (kicking myself for not paying the extra money for it now). They come up for that and to eat. Sometimes my Mom hangs out on our first floor with me if my dad is at work. That's usually not so bad. It's when they're together that it's bad. They literally gang up on me. Ethan also loves to spend time with them in the basement so he's down there quite a bit. In order for me to spend time with Ethan as well without upsetting him and making him come up with me, is to hang out with them too. The cause of most of the arguing is their inability to follow simple rules that we've had from the very beginning. And they are very negative people who are never wrong. Very bad combination. I try to be a positive upbeat person but it's hard when they're dragging me down with their inability to talk things through in a civil way. My niece is 13 and has an attitude the size of Texas. She's very disrespectful to me and that causes problems as well. I've gotten to the point where I avoid her and act like she doesn't live here. Ethan is NOT allowed to hang out with her. He stays away even though her room is right across the hall from his on our second floor.
It's been a very long road and if they don't leave, there is no end in sight. At least my niece will be graduating in 5 years so there will be an end with her but not with my parents. I don't remember them being this way growing up. Maybe it's because I've been away from it for 12 years and I forgot or maybe because I was wrapped up in my own life that I didn't pay attention. We have a very close relationship but I'm having a hard time dealing with them everyday. Seeing them once or twice a week was fine but everyday is very difficult. Maybe it's one of those situations where we just can't live together because of personality clashes. They also say very hurtful things to me sometimes. They know how to beat me down to where I want to go live someplace else.
That sounds like a super stressful situation I'm really sorry they can't just put their bickering on the back burner for the greater good! Very selfish. Looking back, I definitely had PPD after Keller was born - he had terrible reflux, barely slept, and cried constantly and it was so draining and stressful. Are you getting enough rest? I know that was a HUGE part of my depression b/c no one can live off 3 hrs of sleep a night for weeks at a time. I'm sorry you can't talk to your mom or dad about PPD b/c that is terrible that they cannot be a source of comfort and strength for you - shame on them.
vent here any time, we are here for you - PPD does not mean you are weak by any means! Hormones are whacked out and you are trying to juggle SO much, it's totally understandable, but I would probably talk to my doc if I really was upset. I am not one to take medication if I can AT ALL avoid it, but at least talking to them and letting them know would probably help. HUGS!!
I can't imagine trying to share a home with my parents... I commend you for trying it out and trying to make it work, but it sounds like it just causing more stress than is needed for your family. I would talk to your doctor about the possibility of PPD, I had a tough time with it after a couple of my pregnancies, and I urge you to try to get some help. Lots of hugs!! I'm so glad DH is being supportive of you!
You are definitely not weak, take care of yourself and your boys first and foremost.
My dad lives with us and we have our small issues and I do somewhat understand the frustrations of anyone living in your home. What they are doing to you is not right, it is just wrong for them to be ganging up on you.
Don't feel bad for them potentially moving, and if they do stay, set hard rules that have to be followed. They are living in YOUR house, under YOUR rules for your children.
Big hugs to you! I can sympathize. My brother is living with us right now. He moved up here from TX to get away from an abusive situation involving my youngest brother. So far he's sat on my couch, ate my food, let me pay for everything he needs, and yells at my kids on occasion. He has yet to take out the garbage or do a single thing around the house.I just now have taken back over the front seat of my own vehicle when John's driving. Casey pretty much just parked his butt in it whenever we would go somewhere and I had to sit in the back with the kids. He comes from a father who put my mom under his shoe and sat around demanding to be served and honored at all times. He has learned pretty quick that that's not how it goes in this house. for the last 7 weeks John and I have had zero alone time and we haven't had any time with just us and the kids either. We had to sit him down last night and explain to him that since he now has a job, his time is up. He was upset b/c he wants to get a car first and then an apartment, but we said no- apartment first!
Anyway, big hugs. I know you will be sad when they move out, but it sounds like it needs to happen. I have been a witch for about a month now and know it's just b/c of having my brother here. I'm looking more forward to a foster kid than having him here. At least them I can boss around! lol I hope you get some help for your PPD soon and that things start looking up!
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That's really a tough spot to be in and I don't envy your situation. I wish I could help but am pretty sure I would feel the same if my parents lived with us.
I would call your DR first thing. Go see him/her and get what you need to help with PPD. If you have gotten to the point where you think you have it...you probably do.
Being on meds is not a bad thing. Plus, it might help a bit with your parents.
Do you have ground rules set at your home? What about a weekly or b-monthly family meeting. Having a set time to clear the air or just discuss schedules, plans may help eliminate some tension.
That is horrible they're ganging up on you and are saying hurtful things in your own home that you've opened up to them. I am so sorry you're experiencing this. I know you were very close with them and maybe living apart will help salvage the good relationship you had. The whole "absence makes the heart grow fonder" aspect.
Whatever happens, take care of yourself and your boys. I wish I could come by and "rescue" you for a day.
Hugs to you girl. That is a very stressful situation! I only moved back in w/ my parents for about a week before I had enough. I couldn't imagine MONTHS... Whatever you do - think of you, DH and babies first - then them. If moving out makes your home life better then its probably for the best. You at least tried to make it work for their financial situation, but in the end you're not responsible for it. Hope things get better and definitely talk to your doctor about PPD, I had it as well, you are NOT weak hun. HUGS HUGS HUGS!
I am sorry to hear it's not working out with your parents there. Kel is right, all the arguing and tension can't be good for either of your boys. I'm sure they can sense it.
As for PPD, I would definitely consider talking to your doc. I had it and I am forever grateful to my DH and my mom for making me go see my doc and get help. You're not weak and you're not alone. Feel free to PM me if you ever need to. HUGS to you, Rachel!!!
I had ppd with Olive. I was sad and cried at everything, and I didn't have feelings of hurting jack and Olive or myself, but it s still ppd. I too felt embarrassed and weak and thought everyone else would view me that way, but I went to the Dr and can't tell you what a relief it was to have the support. No one thought I was weak, they love me and want the best for me. I know it is the same for your parents. Regardless of what else is going on in your relationship, they are your parents and will support you. Hugs. And please please please go see your Dr. Please!
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Last edited by Bermuda Girl; April 27th, 2012 at 10:08 AM.
Thank you ladies. I know I can always come to you for support. I appreciate it! I had a talk with them which resulted in my dad getting upset with me to the point where he's not speaking to me. Oh well. My mom seems to understand and we've worked out a new system that hopefully works, if they stay. At this point I don't care if they stay or go.
Amanda, I still plan to come down to Georgia to visit once Mason is a little older
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