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  #1  
March 26th, 2009, 11:51 AM
Ditzzy's Avatar Stupid Lamb;)
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I know marriage can be tough sometimes without added stress, so a raising a special needs/medically fragile child can be detrimental.

How is your marriage holding up?
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  #2  
April 1st, 2009, 05:51 AM
stacyp's Avatar Mommy to Andrew & Luke
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We have definitely had our ups & downs. It's been very stressful but we manage.
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  #3  
April 1st, 2009, 07:18 AM
quietsong's Avatar Just Another Slacker Mom
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These days, we are great... In the long term Danny's challenges have strengthened us, and really made me appreciate John more. There were definitely some rocky periods though; the first 9 months were especially difficult as the emotions of his sudden birth, grieving for my nephew, the stress of all of Danny's unknowns, and pretty much everything piled on me. I turned into someone that even I had difficulty living with...but somehow John didn't disown me (LOL) and we've come through.
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  #4  
April 2nd, 2009, 10:29 AM
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I think that ours is great. We have our days now and then where we both are so exhausted that the only thing we can manage is a weak smile to each other, but we try to stay positive and be together as much as we can. We're never without our kids-no one can/will watch them for us. Since our 2.5 year-old was born, we've been on one date, just to the dollar theater and right back. At night, getting Milo's stuff in order takes up so much time that we really don't even get to sneak alone time then that often. But when we're together as a family, we try to make sure to kiss, hug, rub each other's shoulders, hold hands, etc. We talk A LOT, though. Everything is out in the open for us, so I think that helps, too-nothing built up and waiting to get out! I'm not saying that we're not stressed-we're completely overwhelmed, but leaning on each other definitely helps!
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  #5  
April 2nd, 2009, 12:30 PM
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We are struggling. I'm stressed and tired. He does whatever he wants, I care for kids. I'm sure it will get better, but we are stressed. I wish I could get a break once in a while.

We'll manage too.
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  #6  
April 2nd, 2009, 12:54 PM
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It's so hard. We're doing ok, but I do wonder if the stress and exhaustion will catch up one day. I'm so sorry-I know that I'm lucky that he helps as much as he can with the kids. How would your DH react if you asked him to fulfill just a few tasks every day that would make your life a lot easier? Or...take the kids to the park so you can nap?!
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  #7  
April 7th, 2009, 06:24 AM
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umm, depends on the day honestly. Most days we are doing great, but when we have a bad day......its beyond bad. And it's complicated by the fact that this is a second marriage, so he isn't tied to the kids in any way other than willingly. I am terrified that one day it's only going to take on really bad day for him to throw his hands in the air and quit. While I know he loves them, these aren't his kids, and we didn't know Sierra had problems so he certainly didn't sign up for being the step-dad to a special needs child.
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  #8  
April 7th, 2009, 09:46 AM
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we struggle on a daily basis, but we love each other and our kids very much. we have had some rough patches but have been able to keep our heads about us and try to make sure we save some time for us. We are very lucky to have a great extended support system that does amazing with both our special needs boys
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  #9  
April 7th, 2009, 12:16 PM
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We are very fortunate in this regard. Between 6.5m in the NICU, all the ups and downs with Kyle's health and diagnoses over the past 4.5 years after that, plus the added struggles with Ian - it could have easily torn us apart. Our viewpoint is that it's brought us closer. We're still madly in love with each other, but it's different than it was originally. Back then it was pie in the sky, nothing will stop us or slow us down, kind of love. Now - I would call it practical, but it's certainly more appreciative of each other. We are our best friends, and though I enjoy my friendships outside of my marriage, I wouldn't pick them over my husband.

I consider ourselves fortunate - I think it takes the right type of person, on both parts, to make it work - even then there are times when it can be hard. Stress is the biggest issue for us, and breaking free from it. I can definitely see why couples have a difficult time recovering/renewing their relationships, when they have so much stress in their lives with special children. It's particularly hard when there is little to no time for you - or to even work on making amends.
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Last edited by kittycat; April 7th, 2009 at 12:21 PM.
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  #10  
April 7th, 2009, 12:17 PM
~~~Sara~~~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Having kids changes a marriage so much that having a special needs child, just adds to that. It's also harder to find caregivers so that you can get a break.

Overall we are doing well, we've been married 5 years and I am really proud of how well my husband is doing with Carter, I know men seem to have a harder time with their children not being "perfect". He is also a big help to me and realizes I need a break too.

Having kids changes a marriage so much that having a special needs child, just adds to that. It's also harder to find caregivers so that you can get a break.

Overall we are doing well, we've been married 5 years and I am really proud of how well my husband is doing with Carter, I know men seem to have a harder time with their children not being "perfect". He is also a big help to me and realizes I need a break too.
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  #11  
April 7th, 2009, 12:26 PM
kittycat's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ~~~Sara~~~ View Post
Having kids changes a marriage so much that having a special needs child, just adds to that. It's also harder to find caregivers so that you can get a break.

Overall we are doing well, we've been married 5 years and I am really proud of how well my husband is doing with Carter, I know men seem to have a harder time with their children not being "perfect". He is also a big help to me and realizes I need a break too.
The bold is especially difficult for us, not having family around. We're charged $15/hr for our sitter, which we rarely indulge on. I found her by going through sittercity.com. Some people I know post notices at schools for the teachers and aides, and doctors offices for nurses that work with the Special Needs kids. Our current sitter works exclusively with SN kids for a neighboring school district, and we're really happy with her.
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  #12  
April 7th, 2009, 02:36 PM
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We've never been out by ourselves since Matthew's birth. I am getting antsier and antsier to spend some time with just DH.

Honestly, I'm the luckiest girl in the world. He works like a dog so I can stay home with Matthew, he helps with whatever I need as soon as he walks in the door, and he does all he can on the weekends to make sure that I get some time to myself. He is an angel and I adore him. He is also amazingly appreciative of the time and effort I spend with Matthew, and he's a constant source of support for me when I need it.

We've been together 13 years, about to celebrate our 8th wedding anniversary in a few days and I love him more and feel better about our marriage than the day we got married.
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  #13  
April 8th, 2009, 08:54 AM
Jasons_Mommy's Avatar I love my little man!!
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Were not married. But ou realationship really took a hit when we first had Jason, The stress was horrible, we absolutly hated eachother at times. but we learned that we needed eachother to make it though and we now have a great relationship!
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  #14  
April 8th, 2009, 01:26 PM
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We've had our ups and downs but when it has come right down to it, each of us has strengths in areas the other is weak. DH works hard to make sure I can stay home with the kids and handle all of the appointments and tests and medications as well as homeschool and care for my sister. He is great with helping our daughter communicate because he had the same difficulties she has. And I am the one who handles all the medical stuff since its my strength (heck, I grew up doing alot of it so its second nature to me). He knows when I need to just cry or go for a walk and makes sure to tell me its OK to take time for me when I need it and every now and then when things get overwhelming he surprises me by having someone come and take the kids out for a while or send me our for a bit to just relax and have some me time. And when i notice he is getting stressed out I try to do the same for him. I think his biggest strength is when he can see that one of the kids needs more time with one of us and he steps in and make sure that kid gets that special one on one time with the parent they need.
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