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They just don't understand *vent*


Forum: Children with Special Needs

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  #1  
April 12th, 2009, 12:40 AM
~~~Sara~~~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I will try to keep this short, I just get frustrated when people don't "get it", I mean I can't say I knew what this was like until now, but still it's just frustrating.

I was talking to a dear friend about her evil MIL and she was saying how she hopes to be a grandma someday and that she wants to be a nicer grandma than her MIL, so I say, "Yes, I know it sounds awful, but that is one of the reasons we wanted to have another baby" (Please don't think I am an awful person, I just want to experience a child that will become independent one day....if that makes sense and of course I want to be a grandmother some day too).

So she says, "You never know" Well, I *DO* know that Carter will not have children. I mean I am the most optimistic person you will meet when it comes to Carter's syndrome and how he is doing, but he's not going to have children as there is no person with his syndrome that can even care for themselves. I mean I am optimistic that he will do really well, I hope that someday he can "work" even if it's just in a kitchen or at the Good Will, I hope he has something that makes him happy some day, but no my son will not have children of his own. I hope he will know love, but children, I really, really, highly doubt it.

I think people say "you never know" to make you feel better, so I try not to be upset about it, but there are some things, you really DO know. I hope you don't find me to be too pessimistic, I am typically not!

By the way if you have not read my other posts Carter has Mowat Wilson Syndrome.
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  #2  
April 12th, 2009, 07:28 AM
iamkc's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Aw, I KNOW that you're not pessimistic! You're right-people just don't understand sometimes. Instead of finding comfort in others, a lot of times, we just find frustration. I know that YOU know that your friend didn't mean to be insensitive, she just didn't think! I wish we all had some way of reminding others to THINK before they SPEAK!

(((HUGS))) Carter will have his own happiness one day. I don't think that you're an awful person for wanting to be a grandmother one day! People have kids for all sorts of reasons, and I'm sure that being grandparents is in there somewhere for many, even if only subconsciously!

Hope that you guys are having a great Sunday! Does the Easter Bunny come to your house? If so, hope he was good to all of you!
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  #3  
April 12th, 2009, 07:50 AM
Ditzzy's Avatar Stupid Lamb;)
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I understand everything you're trying to say. I took Ava to a b-day party for her cousin yesterday and found myself in a similar situation. There were 8 babies there between the ages of 9 mths and 2 yrs. Ava was the only one with health issues, so we got all kinds of comments on her breathing, lack of motor skills and feeding issues. In fact, every baby there could walk, speak simple needs and eat food. We left within 30 minutes. I'm okay with Ava's problems, but seeing her around so many "normal" babies was sobering. Hearing other people try to comfort me didn't go over well. They don't get it.

((Hugs)) I do believe our kiddos will find happiness. I don't know what form that will take, but we'll move mountains to see it happen!
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  #4  
April 12th, 2009, 02:37 PM
quietsong's Avatar Just Another Slacker Mom
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I hate when people try to comfort and ignore that something is obviously not right with Danny. I'm extremely optimistic - but I'm also a realist, I know and accept all the realities and all the possibilities. Sara, I see nothing horrible or wrong at all about wanting another child, one that isn't special needs. I am SO thankful that I have Eric, that I get to experience being mom to a kid that can hear, that hits milestones on time, etc. There are days that are hard with Danny and, honestly, I lean on Eric in a way.
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  #5  
April 12th, 2009, 07:32 PM
~~~Sara~~~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iamkc View Post
Aw, I KNOW that you're not pessimistic! You're right-people just don't understand sometimes. Instead of finding comfort in others, a lot of times, we just find frustration. I know that YOU know that your friend didn't mean to be insensitive, she just didn't think! I wish we all had some way of reminding others to THINK before they SPEAK!

(((HUGS))) Carter will have his own happiness one day. I don't think that you're an awful person for wanting to be a grandmother one day! People have kids for all sorts of reasons, and I'm sure that being grandparents is in there somewhere for many, even if only subconsciously!

Hope that you guys are having a great Sunday! Does the Easter Bunny come to your house? If so, hope he was good to all of you!
Thanks for everyone's comments and sharing your own too.

Yes the Eater Bunny came to our house, the best kind too, my parents came to visit for the weekend and grandma was the Easter Bunny so I got a break there. We had a nice Easter with my husband's family and my parents.

I do want to add that I really do appreciate people talking to us and taking an interest in Carter's syndrome, I guess just sometimes, people mean well, but yes, I end up frustrated. You can feel very isolated (like you were saying at the party Hope). I am sorry that was so hard for you.

Anyway, it feels good to "talk" about it.
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  #6  
April 13th, 2009, 04:05 AM
quietsong's Avatar Just Another Slacker Mom
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For me, it's like there is a fine line when it comes to talking about Danny. I love to share his story and answer questions, but at the same time it seems like it is really easy for someone to cross the line and ask something that rubs me the wrong way.

I'm glad you guys had such a good Easter!
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  #7  
April 14th, 2009, 01:38 PM
stacyp's Avatar Mommy to Andrew & Luke
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Totally know what you mean. And, it's okay to want another child & experience a child without special needs. I am with Kel..... I like how she said it.
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