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  #1  
April 22nd, 2009, 07:31 AM
Ditzzy's Avatar Stupid Lamb;)
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Has having a SN child effected your friendships in any way?
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  #2  
April 22nd, 2009, 08:26 AM
quietsong's Avatar Just Another Slacker Mom
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Yes and no... It's restricted one of our friendships for a bit, because Danny is still shedding the virus he was born with and a friend of ours is pregnant, so we don't really let the two of them get anywhere near each other, LOL. In most senses, though, it hasn't really changed much. Our friends and family are great with Danny and very understanding of all we've gone and are going through.

In all honesty, I think Danny's challenges have helped one of my friendships in a way... My best friend and I were due at the same time with our boys, and she lost hers the week before Danny was born. It would have been a lot more difficult for both of us to find our way through her loss if I'd gone full term and had a healthy, normal baby to bring home the way we'd pictured it for both of us.

Also, I have made new friendships with people I've met BECAUSE of his special needs that I am so grateful for - it would be wrong to ignore that.
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  #3  
April 22nd, 2009, 08:47 AM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
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Very much so. Either people "get it" or they don't & in most cases, unless you've walked in the shoes of someone who has to deal w/ a SN child daily, they aren't going to understand. How can they? Although they try...they aren't going to ever understand how it feels. I've lost friendships, lot of them to my surprise. I've gained new friends b/c of the way others have SN children & how it's been for them.

It's an area that no one wants to understand. Heck...my own family, doesn't get "it"... they always say "oh, he's fine"... not seeing what I have to do. Although my mother just watched my kids for 3 days straight b/c of a death in my DH's family, she said to me "I don't know how you do this every day"... so I think that opened her eyes, for about a month, give her another month & she will forget.

My DH, his own father, doesn't truly understand it. It's a hard thing to grasp & digest. To talk about it is to acknowledge & accept it. Which is why my DH is STILL in denial. Common but annoying.

~Chantelle

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  #4  
April 22nd, 2009, 09:06 AM
iamkc's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Hm...yes and no. We moved across the country when I was pregnant, and we hadn't really made any friends (due to trying to get life started here!) when Milo was born. So, it didn't really limit our existing friendships. But with everything going on since his birth, we haven't had the time to make any friends (which is unusual, since we're both VERY friendly and outgoing-it's just that doctors and DH's work associates are the only ones who see it!). I didn't have the Internet until a couple of months ago, and DH took the car to work every day, so you can imagine how both of those would affect making friends, too. I have reconnected with a couple of people who live nearby via Internet, and I'm really hoping that we can reconnect in person soon! We make friends through DH's work, but again, we can't do anything with them because of fear of getting Milo sick, or Milo being in the hospital, etc. I want friends, I promise.
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  #5  
April 22nd, 2009, 06:45 PM
stacyp's Avatar Mommy to Andrew & Luke
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  #6  
April 22nd, 2009, 10:37 PM
docsmomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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My "friends" don't get me saying "Sorry no visitors this week, its not safe for Joey" when Joey's numbers are low and they don't get that I can't cancel an appointment and reschedule an a whim (I've rescheduled ONE lab appt in 4 months, nothing else). They don't understand that before coming into my home I need to know they have not had even a sniffle in 24 hours, they need to use hand sanitizer before touching Joey, etc... They don't get it. And honestly, I probably wouldn't have before either. Some however have been great. I have found new friends, lost old ones, and have strained relationships with some. I was even told by one lady (while waiting for diagnosis) who has been a long time family friend that we should just let Joey go "be with God" and not even try to diagnose and treat, she's said things like how God loves her more than me because her kids are healthy. Oh, she ticks me off, needless to say we don't talk to her right now, I'd probably rip into her if we did.
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  #7  
April 23rd, 2009, 09:30 AM
iamkc's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by docsmomma View Post
My "friends" don't get me saying "Sorry no visitors this week, its not safe for Joey" when Joey's numbers are low and they don't get that I can't cancel an appointment and reschedule an a whim (I've rescheduled ONE lab appt in 4 months, nothing else). They don't understand that before coming into my home I need to know they have not had even a sniffle in 24 hours, they need to use hand sanitizer before touching Joey, etc... They don't get it. And honestly, I probably wouldn't have before either. Some however have been great. I have found new friends, lost old ones, and have strained relationships with some. I was even told by one lady (while waiting for diagnosis) who has been a long time family friend that we should just let Joey go "be with God" and not even try to diagnose and treat, she's said things like how God loves her more than me because her kids are healthy. Oh, she ticks me off, needless to say we don't talk to her right now, I'd probably rip into her if we did.
I hear stuff like this a lot...and my grandmother seems to be a little like this. God heals people who pray and who deserve it, not others. (Which makes me wonder about how she feels about my mom dying!) I hate hearing, "Well, they must have done something right, to have those perfect kids." You think that I'm NOT doing everything I can? Ugh. I should stop. There's about to be a lot of foul language bleeped out by JM. Hehe. I'm so sorry. Someone needs to put that woman in her place.
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