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Forum: Children with Special Needs

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  #1  
April 28th, 2009, 07:44 AM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
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I hate admitting this but there are times that I just want to stop all the "medical" stuff... I just want to enjoy my kids, not live at a doctor's office daily. I know I can't, well... I could but it would hurt my DS & that's not good or what I want, but I feel like I am more of a nurse than a mother. And in the end, I just want to cry sometimes.

Then I have my 3 other kids, they all want one-on-one time, which I do give them. The part that makes me want to say "sorry, can't" anymore is to my DS' sports. I know that's their outlet, so I can't do that to them, I just limit them to 1 sport per season, but the driving back & forth to games & practices, how the games are late in the evening or the practices are during my babies' nap times, it's a TRUE inconvenience to do the extra activities that my older boys are doing. I want to just say "sorry, can't"... but I know that if I do that, they'll resent their brothers, which I am already having issues w/ & I know that's not productive. At the same time, I am making my babies' miss out on nap time (very important w/ SN kids), so I can bring my kids to sports. My DH works & can't, so I am left to "DO IT ALL"... and I feel overwhelmed. I don't want to do it all. I want my DH to handle the sports & boy stuff. I do everything else. KWIM? I know that he can't, so that's why he's not, but I just feel like I am being pulled into 10 different directions & I can't juggle everything like this for much longer. It's getting worst, not better.

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  #2  
April 28th, 2009, 08:03 AM
quietsong's Avatar Just Another Slacker Mom
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Oh man, I go through it all. There are days I want to quit my job, there are days I want to quit PT, there are days I want to take Danny's CI and throw them in the trash! There are days I just want to run away too, quit it all, no matter how much I love my kids and my hubby I just get overwhelmed.

I think that's normal, honestly. This is so much harder than "just" having kids, and even that can be a challenge some days. Whatever doesn't kill us only makes us stronger though, right?

Talk to your DH. Tell him how overwhelmed you're feeling. I know he works and it's harder, but he NEEDS to support you and to know how you are feeling. Having you feel stretched thin and exhausted doesn't help anyone.
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  #3  
April 28th, 2009, 08:14 AM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
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I've talked to DH...can't even remember how many times but it exceeds 20 that's for sure. I've told him my feelings of being overwhelmed. I just get the same response about how he's overwhelmed trying to work all the time... Yeah, working out of the house, long hours, is hard on your body, but it doesn't really wear on you mentally. He doesn't have to deal w/ kids all day long, I do. He can talk to adults, drive home peacefully listening to the radio or stopping by Home Depot on his way home from work w/ out even telling me that he's going there b/c he can. Meanwhile, if I want to go someplace w/ the kids, it's a production and if I want to do something that doesn't include the kids for DH to watch them, he does it pouting & he does NOT follow the routine for the boys, at all... He decides to skip the routines so he can get them to bed ASAP so he can watch DVR's or do what he wants. It's not fair. He doesn't get "it"...
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  #4  
April 28th, 2009, 09:25 AM
AlexKatieAiden Mommy's Avatar Linda
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I'm sorry that your hubby isn't more supportive. And I know exactly how you feel. I get so overwhelmed some days I just want to run away. Today is one of those days. Between getting up early to take my son to school, then taking my little ones to doctor appointments if needed, then we have therapy, and in between there somewhere you gotta cook, clean, get in naps, get in baths, etc. It's exhausting. I don't have a significant other so it is all on me.
What helps is finding a sitter and doing something that is just for me. I enjoy going to get a pedicure, but that is only once in a great while. But it really helps. A half an hour of pampering and I feel rejuvinated. It's either that or taking a long shower when my mom is over and can keep an eye on the kids. It doesn't seem like much but the little bit of alone time really does wonders. I also take the kids for a walk. The exercise does great and they are quietly looking around the whole time so it's very peaceful.
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  #5  
April 28th, 2009, 11:40 AM
docsmomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Boy are there those days. I am sick of meds, appointments, needles, blood, taking temps, having lab numbers memorized each week. I am sick of having no choice but to tell my oldest sorry can't go to this or that because Joey is not healthy enough to go and we have no babysitter who I can trust to manage meds. I am sick of the nausea his meds cause sometimes, the fear of what the treatment side effects will be long term (this raises his risk for cancer in the future). I hit my "fed up" point when we have CT scans or hospital stays. DH is no help. he doesn't do the appointments, the CT scans, or the sleeping in the hospital. And he complains about how hard the other 2 are when I'm not here and how I "leave it all to him" but the reality is ALOT of it, is on me.
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  #6  
April 28th, 2009, 12:58 PM
stacyp's Avatar Mommy to Andrew & Luke
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Millions of hugs. I wish you were able to get more support.

I have those days too. It's definitely challenging to the say the least.
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  #7  
April 28th, 2009, 02:25 PM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by docsmomma View Post
I am sick of having no choice but to tell my oldest sorry can't go to this or that because Joey is not healthy enough to go and we have no babysitter who I can trust to manage meds.
OMG... I get that too. As a result of me telling my older DS that we can't b/c of Cooper, he's taken out EVERYTHING on Cooper & hurts Cooper. Now, DS is in therapy b/c he has to "learn" to deal w/ a SN sibling regardless. We're ALL in this TOGETHER and when it comes to my DS treating my SN child like a burden, he has to learn not too. But I am sure that it's hard for my DS to take in. I am in my 30's and I have a hard time, being 8, I am sure that it's harder, understanding it is harder.
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  #8  
April 28th, 2009, 02:26 PM
Ditzzy's Avatar Stupid Lamb;)
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Huge ((Hugs)) to you all!! My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

Add me to the list, please!
Today is one of those days. I want to take my baby girl and RUN AWAY. Throw the boxes of medical supplies and meds in a big pit and start a fire. Throw my appt book in there too. I'm sick of watching Ava get poked, proded and whatever else. Leave her ALONE!

(Can you tell I'm a little nervous about next week?)
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  #9  
April 28th, 2009, 03:25 PM
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I think we all have those days. And i'll be honest, i might be horrible but there are sometimes we cancel everything for the week and take a week off. We just lay around the house and only do what has to be done. I agree that sometimes I feel like they have to just be able to be kids. I am sorry too that your hubby isnt very supportive, i dont know what i would do without mine
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  #10  
April 28th, 2009, 10:59 PM
~~~Sara~~~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Yes, I can relate, although I only have one child, we go to 6 appointments a week for various therapy all 30-45 minutes drive with traffic one way, it's a lot. On top of that all the doctors appointments! I agree with the previous poster, I have cancelled all our appointments for a week once, i felt like such a bad mom, but it felt great!

Do you get any respite care through your local regional center, it sounds like you need help, even if it is HIRED! Let's think of who can help you and get you a break mama!

Oh and we get 15 hours a month of respite care through our service coordinator at the regional center, and you can choose your own provider. I know it's hard to trust your kids with someone else, but you need the time, really and you deserve it!

Hope you get some help.
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  #11  
April 28th, 2009, 10:59 PM
~~~Sara~~~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Yes, I can relate, although I only have one child, we go to 6 appointments a week for various therapy all 30-45 minutes drive with traffic one way, it's a lot. On top of that all the doctors appointments! I agree with the previous poster, I have cancelled all our appointments for a week once, i felt like such a bad mom, but it felt great!

Do you get any respite care through your local regional center, it sounds like you need help, even if it is HIRED! Let's think of who can help you and get you a break mama!

Oh and we get 15 hours a month of respite care through our service coordinator at the regional center, and you can choose your own provider. I know it's hard to trust your kids with someone else, but you need the time, really and you deserve it!

Hope you get some help.
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  #12  
April 29th, 2009, 05:59 AM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
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I've done that before, cancel the entire week to just be "normal"...then of course I feel guilty that I put myself first & my SN child second. That I could have done better & it's all about sacrificing & for me to be selfish & want a week to myself, isn't appropriate as a mother & adult. Then I realize that we ALL need those "sick-days"... even though we're not sick? I realize that it's not great to do, but sometimes I have too.
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  #13  
April 29th, 2009, 07:05 AM
~~~Sara~~~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blundoboys View Post
I've done that before, cancel the entire week to just be "normal"...then of course I feel guilty that I put myself first & my SN child second. That I could have done better & it's all about sacrificing & for me to be selfish & want a week to myself, isn't appropriate as a mother & adult. Then I realize that we ALL need those "sick-days"... even though we're not sick? I realize that it's not great to do, but sometimes I have too.
I would not beat yourself up for taking a "mental health day" that is what I call them

I know even when we are not AT therapy I do therapy every day with Carter. I would never suggest you neglect a medically necessary appointment, but therapy that is ongoing is a great thing to skip once in awhile when you need a break!

Hugs to you, you have a lot on your plate!
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  #14  
April 29th, 2009, 10:28 AM
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GROUP HUG! I think we all need it!

I have those thoughts a lot, but never get to follow through. Lately, however, and very unfortunately, I've had to employ lazy parenting for Kannon, who is 2. I try so hard to give him attention, but have to do so much for Milo and still pay bills, etc. I feel so badly-I give him meals, but he has to remind me many times! When DH gets home, we sometimes have a little time, or DH takes Kannon. Then I just feel badly that I'm not the one with him. DH, though, doesn't really get the whole routine. He tries to give meds, mix food, etc., but I have to remind him every time what to do, and meds inevitably are given at the wrong times in wrong combination, etc. (This can be serious.) It's almost as much work to have to remind him every time. I've just been letting Kannon watch TV lately, even though it's sunny and nice out. We can't go out in the heat, either, though. Really, all of this seems so unfair to Kannon. I hate it. I don't know how to change any of it, though. Ultimately, I just feel like a bad mother to them both and want to go away!
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  #15  
April 29th, 2009, 06:22 PM
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ITA about skipping therapies. At first I used to think that if he didnt go to every single one I must be horrible, but when I stepped back and looked at it. My son will be in therapy for YEARS. skipping one week for the sanity and happiness of everyone in our family is not going to change anything at all. Keep your head up mama, and I agree about finding some respite care.
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