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Do you ever feel like your walking a fine line between keeping things as "normal" as possible and taking care of all the things that need to be taken care of with your SN child?
I sure do. Its like my life completely stopped 4 months ago. Me and DH have been on 1 date in 4 months. We both completely forgot our Anniversary this month. I used to take the kids to playdates 2 or more times a week. But in 4 months I've been to 2, and 2 parkdays with our homeschool group. I used to go to Moms Night Out with my playgroup every month. I've been to 1 in 4 months.
I try to keep things as close as possible to what they WERE before LCH reared its ugly head. But when joey's counts are low, when we run to and from doctors, when I'm just too tired to think of things to do, much less do them its rough.
before LCH we rarely ever went to the doctor. Now the nurses know Joey by name, and not just at clinic. I've run ito them at stores, at the park, walking down the street. We had to move just so we could bring Joey home when we did. Otherwise he would have been in for at least 4 more week. And 4 more weeks in a hospital barely seeing the big kids was just not happening.
I feel like I'm walking a fine line trying to keep things as close as possible to "normal" for the big kids and protecting Joey for his health. And there are days I am fairly certain I am failing at that.
Or when I constantly have to remind myself that the big kids don't have this (though there may be a genetic link and that scares me). And I have to stop and think every time I panic about something that wait a minute, this is not a concern with XX because they are not on the meds that Joey is on.
I think you are juggling so much it's normal to feel that way. Life has changed a lot for us, but it's hard to tell sometimes since Carter is our first how much is due to having a child and how much is due to his rigorous schedule and special needs.
Our kids' situations are totally different, but I DO understand life being on hold. I feel on most days that Kannon is neglected completely. We're going to and from appointments for Milo so often. The nurses, docs, hospital staff, clinic staff, everyone sees us and knows us, knows the situation, etc. No one else can watch Milo, and we really didn't have anyone to watch Kannon (even though he was non-SN). We've been on one date in the 2.5 years since Kannon was born. It's ok on many days, but some, we just curl up, exhausted, and are too tired to even say goodnight. I feel like we're mistreating Kannon because we have to deal with Milo so much. Our house isn't clean (it's actually probably condemnable right now, no joke), I feel like a superstar if I get to make dinner or wash a few dishes. Errands are my break, once every couple of weeks or so...and that's with the kids. I just take the long way in the car so I can have free hands for a few minutes! I feel like a bad mom most days.
That's not to say AT ALL that you're a bad mom. Hell, I think that you're doing an amazing job. I know that you must be running in every direction at once. Really, in the short time I've gotten to know all of you, I just think that you're all amazing women. Your kids are all very lucky to have you. I'm sure that your big kids understand in the ways that they can for now.
I wish I were close so that I could give you a real hug, but since I can't, (((HUGS)))
ETA because I don't want you to think that I'm up-playing my situation or downplaying yours!!! Sorry!
Last edited by iamkc; April 29th, 2009 at 08:22 PM.
I think every situation is different and unique. Each of us and each of our kids have or awn challenges and no ones is easier to deal with then the others. I mean i look at what you ladies have going on and I am amazed. I mean I would probably lose my mind in your shoes, but thats because I haven't lived in your shoes. There are those days I wonder if I really belong here, I mean once Joey is done with treatment, we may or may not be done with all the stuff we do right now. The fact is it take a special parent, a strong parent, to raise a special needs child, no matter what the diagnosis.