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  #1  
September 25th, 2009, 02:21 PM
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How do you mamas deal with delayed milestones unmet frustrations?
I know my dear son is going to be able to meet them - but sometimes I can't help but get frustrating when he hasn't yet and every other mama I know's little ones have already met or even exceeded certain milestones. Its really minor things and I know each one at their own time, each child at their own time but you can't help sometimes but then, *** - when is it going to be my son's turn to do whatever it is at the time I'm frustrated with....Hope this makes sense.
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  #2  
September 25th, 2009, 03:02 PM
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First off, welcome to the SN board! I'm glad you found us. I'll try to address your questions, but I'd love to know more about your son. How old is he? Is he any any therapies? Any diagnosis?

I can't answer for anyone but myself, and I had a very hard time with these issues at first. At some point I quit comparing my daughter's skills with other children. I came to terms with the fact that she will do things when she is ready and I'm happy with that. My daughter is almost 18 mths old and has a plethora of medical issues. She's unable to stand or walk yet. But she will in her time.

That is my biggest advice to you. Quit comparing him to other children. Accept him for what he is, not what he can't do (yet). He'll do it all when he's ready. Just love him.
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  #3  
September 26th, 2009, 09:47 AM
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Thanks.
My son is around 16 months and has Down syndrome. He sees a PT once a month, has an ECI teacher come to our home 2 times a week. All and all hes doing pretty well considering. He had a relative traumatic birth (L-O-N-G story) and was a little guy from the start.
I know I shouldn't compare him to anyone else - anyone else's babies but you know how it is. Sometimes you just can't help it, especially when he is at the pinnacle of big milestones. I know that me personally, I didn't walk until I was 17 - 18 months. I know everyone does their own thing at their own time. I have said, "quit comparing" myself but sometimes you just can't help it. Its normal to compare kids in general - I have friends with "normal" babies and when they meet up, "Hows Jennie? Is she walking yet? How many teeth does she have?" Answer, "Oh shes great, she just started walking and has 8 teeth already, her sister didn't walk until she was 15 months so I'm not getting all that concerned..."and then when they come to me sometimes it can be uncomfortable for them.
I deal with the quit comparing crap all the time. Sometimes you just can't help it. It doesn't mean I love him any less or anything like that - the frustration is mine. I just need tof ind out how to deal with it, when I have those rare but still frustrating moments.
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  #4  
September 27th, 2009, 08:12 AM
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Speaking for myself, I have also struggled with this, with all of my kids in some area.

First, remember that "normal is nothing more than a setting on a washing machine". I would and still do have people who say "Its not normal for her to be talking that way" (reffering to my daughter) and I tell this this exact sentence. I also hear that its not normal for Joey to still be primarily on a bottle or many of the other things going on with him.

Another thing is when someone says something to me about Joey, such as "Normally kids are off the bottle or eating more table foods by now" of "Normally kids don't backslide constantly, hitting the same milestone so many times." I reply jokingly with "Yea, I know but normally kids don't have to go through the things he goes through with all the crazy doctors and medicine and everything else. I figure he just likes to keep life interesting."

With my friends and family I have simply stated "Please don't hesitate to ask me if he's hit milestones, You know I love to share about him and the milestones are huge for us because of everything he has going on." This way I am telling them not to be uncomfortable asking and that I know his milestones are not the same as other kids.

Another thing we have done is created our own goals, with his physical therapist. These goals are a general timeframe we'd like him to meet his milestones, taking his needs into consideration. Right now our goal is indepedent walking by age 2, without backsliding and to eliminate the formula by 22 months. These are my milestones and I tell people "Oh we'd love to see him walking independently by his 2nd birthday."
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  #5  
September 27th, 2009, 11:06 AM
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I completely agree with both of the ladies replies. It is hard and sometimes, especially when we meet strangers and they ask how old Claire is and I tell them, then I hear comments like- Oh she must be getting everywhere by now. I just want to lie about her age sometimes so I don't get those comments!

No one can truly understand until you are dealing with it yourself, because I am sure I used to make those type of comments to people as well. I also agree with making goals. So, when people say something instead of going into her whole situation I just say- well her PT and I are heading towards our goal of her crawling by time she is 1, etc.
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  #6  
September 27th, 2009, 12:50 PM
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Thanks ladies. It sounds so silly. It reminds me of a part in a Woody Allen movie, (Deconstructing Harry) where the actor sees everyone as clear and sharp, but everyone does not see the actor as being clear - he is clearly blury. After a trip to the doctor, the remedy is to give everyone who wants to look at the actor special glasses in order for those who look at the actor to see him as being clear. Essentially, making the world adapt to change their perception of him regardless as to how inconvenient it si. I don't want people to have to filter theirselves when talking about the typical parts of raising kids and such. It not unusual for people to ask milestone questions when seeing youngsters - even strangers do it. We do have goals set by our ECI teacher and our PT in regards to walking and talking. And I see many many many triumphs in each day, don't get me wrong. Its just for those moments of, what gives...that seem to be so difficult.

Believe me, I know it could always be worse - but sometimes its nice to know how other moms of kids with special needs get through those moments of tied hands while having an itch in the middle of your back.

thanks girls.
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  #7  
October 2nd, 2009, 01:51 PM
stacyp's Avatar Mommy to Andrew & Luke
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Welcome to the board. You will find these ladies very helpful, compassionate, understanding & down to earth.

I'm Stacy & my 16 month old son, Luke, has Down syndrome. Please feel free to PM me if you want.

I have learned that he will do this in his own time. I have thrown out all things that read "milestones.... & the age they are to be met" It's not as important when he reaches the milestone but how well he does it when he gets there. I know it can be frustrating to hear others talk about it but just let them do it. Soon you will be boasting about him too & probably have an even bigger smile on your face
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  #8  
October 2nd, 2009, 04:56 PM
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remember one thing. WHEN your child hits that stone, no matter when it is, it is more exciting, more special for you because you know it was that much harder to reach it.
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  #9  
October 2nd, 2009, 06:57 PM
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I couldn't agree more with what the other ladies have said. I'll be honest - I struggle sometimes. I'm sure we all do. I think no matter how "ok" you get with your child's delays, no matter how good you are at letting go of comparisons and accepting they'll do things in their own time, you will always have moments. I do much of what the other ladies say about letting go, realizing the milestones are sweeter for taking longer, etc...and on the days I can't handle it, the days I do start comparing and getting frustrated and upset, I take a "me moment." I take a deep breath, count to 10, and think of something positive, something that makes me happy.

One day at a time, right?
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  #10  
October 3rd, 2009, 05:41 AM
stacyp's Avatar Mommy to Andrew & Luke
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I still have a meltdown once a month. I sit in the middle of the living room floor & have a good cry. I always feel much better, get up & go about my day. It sucks but you gotta move forward.
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  #11  
October 3rd, 2009, 02:35 PM
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I found that I got upset w/ people who continue to tell me that my kid is "normal" & that my kid should be doing this & that just like their children, who are truly, normal w/ no delays. I get frustrated more w/ people who ignore my kid's developmental delays/challenges than those who do.

The one thing that I stopped doing is post about my kid's SN's on the regular boards (other ones) b/c I found that they couldn't relate, didn't know what to say & the fact that I was being ignored just angered me more than anything. I realized that posting on the SN board was where I needed to keep the SN's of my kids on, and not try to get opinions or help on others, b/c they can't understand.

But I hear you too...I often feel frustrated about things that I wish Cooper could do & doesn't. It's hard for me, and I often feel like his nurse, not his mother b/c of all that I have to do extra. I wish I could just enjoy him as is, not have the medical added to it. Now that Teighan has OT weekly for eating problems, it's just added that much more stress. I have less time for "me" & because I don't know how to say "no" to multiple apts daily, I end up getting very aggravated & short w/ people. Then I feel guilty & tired when I can't be 100% there for my older boys that aren't in the SN' category. I feel bad but I know it's not my fault.

Not sure if my reply helped but it's how I deal w/ things. Obviously not that well b/c I have no balance to this area yet. Some day I will. When, no clue. But some day.

HUGS
~C
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  #12  
October 3rd, 2009, 07:36 PM
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I've been very blessed on other boards... Both of my Playrooms "get it." I have some people IRL that always act like there is nothing wrong, etc, but online they all seem to include me, try to understand, etc. I do agree, one of the most frustrating things is when people act like there's nothing wrong, he's normal, he's going to be fine, that sort of thing.
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  #13  
October 5th, 2009, 05:19 AM
stacyp's Avatar Mommy to Andrew & Luke
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I am glad your other boards are so supportive, Kel. Unfortunately, I do not feel the same about all the boards I am a member of.
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Last edited by stacyp; October 5th, 2009 at 05:21 AM.
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  #14  
October 5th, 2009, 09:17 AM
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That so sucks, Stacy You know we are ALWAYS there for you in July 06, right?
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  #15  
October 5th, 2009, 01:13 PM
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I'm with Kel, I dont really even bother going to the other boards anymore.
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  #16  
October 7th, 2009, 04:29 PM
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Thanks again ladies. Perhaps it was just a vent. I'm glad that I'm not the only one who gets frustrated and has a "Me" moment a few times a year. Today in fact, we went to the first swimming class of the fall session and there was a 8 month old who was almost as big as my 17 monther and the mother was saying, "I think my son is the only one in this group who isn't a walker yet". I was like, um no. My son doesn't walk - and then after telling her how old he was and such she tried to make it sound "better" with the "oh i'm sure your son will be walking soon enough." Its ok. I didn't get butthurt over her thinking her son was the only one who didn't walk. And I wasn't looking for sympathy either. I don't know what I'm looking for. Ahh well.
Ironically enough, I don't usually frequent this site. I am typically on babygaga. There group that I had TTC with and had our kids together are considerably understanding. No issues made about what he is doing/not doing. I haven't ventured out on here yet but I'm testing the waters.
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