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Forum: Children with Special Needs

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  #1  
April 16th, 2010, 10:02 AM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
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I haven't posted in a while. For a variety of reasons but mainly b/c I had major surgery in November of 09', it took 2 months of serious recovery & to date, I am still recovering & probably requiring another surgery very soon.

The other reason, I haven't had my 2 little ones in therapy since my surgery. My surgeon from MA. Eye & Ear wrote a detailed letter for the school & E.I. department for all services to be transfered from the school grounds to my house, since I was unable to drive, I am still not truly suppose to be driving much. I still have moments that I fall or go dizzy.

The school said "fine, let us know when you're up for home visits"... I called them in January, and I never got a returned call & then called again & they said they wanted ANOTHER letter. My doc, left, he moved to CA & the other doc that has taken his place said the letter is good for 18 mos. (meaning, he's not writting another letter). The school wont respond & to be honest, I've been okay w/ that. I know I shouldnt' be, but the break is nice, I get to feel like a more normal mother rather than a nurse. Although my 2 SN' boys require special circumstances still, there are no constant apts (like 2 a day min. as it used to be). My other OT from E.I. for T.T. (still not eating & still only on formula/Alimentum & he's 2), well... the lady/OT wouldn't get it. She called in December & January & spoke w/ my DH on a couple of occasions & wanted to come over to do an eval on T.T. & my DH said "NO"...b/c first off, I had people caring for me, and the kids, I didn't want to put the burden of an OT on people that had enough to do. Then, being that I couldn't be there to explain my son's developments or write down the info in his binder/Bible, I didn't want that either. I told the OT this PRIOR to my surgery, I guess she didn't "get it"...

She decided to make an apt for OT on her own, showed up one day & I didn't realize it until later on when I got a letter in the mail. Apparently a letter was sent out for me about an apt for T.T. to have him eval. w/ 3 other OT's & I never responded b/c I wasn't even taking calls or walking so she assumed that day/time was fine & she got a surprise herself, no one to see.

Here's the part that makes me a "bad mom" (according to my DH), although I have started to take my DS' to their specialist (recently Cooper had a hearing ABR test, and failed it...we have to go back in a week & if doesn't get better, he needs another surgery). So I do take my boys to see the VERY important people (Neurology, ENT etc.), but I haven't exactly been calling the school or E.I. daily to get the persons (OT/PT/Speech) to resum the classes. I feel tired, burnt out & still trying to recover. And...I am being a tad selfish, I feel the need for a "break"...I want that "break"...DH thinks I am being neglectful of my duties as a parent b/c the kids aren't in therapy every day. Well.. I'd like to see him do that every day for the past 4 years w/ no break and try to deal w/ 2 other kids in school w/ ADHD & ODD. It's hard & a lot of work, which I knew already but am I that bad for not actively calling the therapists to resum the care? Am I the only one who's just needing a break? It's not like my boys are not being fed, or not doing things, but I have a hard time getting upstairs to get them in the mornings b/c of my recovery & I feel like for now, I need to get better too.

Am I that bad? Tell me I am not, or tell me that I am. Either way, I am getting heat from my DH.
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  #2  
April 17th, 2010, 05:07 AM
quietsong's Avatar Just Another Slacker Mom
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Thanks for checking in with us, hon! I think if YOU are still having trouble doing the day to day things, you need to focus on getting yourself recovered first. That's not to say you don't work with the kids, but having all those people in and out of your house can be exhausting in itself! I know I just wish for breaks sometimes. Maybe if there was an option to slowly add them back on, like add one therapist now, and then another later as you're feeling better?

I do NOT think you're a bad mom, and I can't believe your DH would tell you that.
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  #3  
April 18th, 2010, 01:00 PM
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I don't know what all your boys need but I do think that you need to care for yourself. if your husband is so concerned maybe he should be thinking of getting youcaught up on your health
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  #4  
April 20th, 2010, 12:45 PM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
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Those are wonderful ideas. I think I'll mention slowly adding one back in, now to choose which one, I'll have to say PT b/c PT is most important for Cooper's development in walking, running, writing, basics that we take for granted.

So much is going on, the medical, my surgery recovery, the therapists in my kid's lives. I'm so tired of all of it. And I keep getting picked at daily about how I haven't done this or that, meanwhile, how about the things that I "do" do or that I've done? Why is it so easy to tell me what I've done wrong & pick at me rather than acknowledge what I've done right & praise me? Or how about saying nothing at all if you have nothing NICE to say, we've all heard it "if you can't say anything nice, don't say it at all"... right?


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  #5  
April 21st, 2010, 05:41 AM
quietsong's Avatar Just Another Slacker Mom
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I think it's easier to see the things we don't do than the things we do... I know it certainly is when I look at my husband. It's super easy for me to notice that I have to do the cat's litter box, and schedule & attend all the appointments, and cook, and clean, etc, etc. I have to work a lot harder to notice the things he does do...it is SUPER important, but also pretty hard, and has taken a lot of work and time to learn to look for them, you know? Sometimes we have to toot our own horn and point out what we HAVE been doing, just to make sure the criticizers see it.
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