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Forum: VBAC: Vaginal Birth After a Caesarean

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  #1  
June 2nd, 2010, 11:44 AM
becker206's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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A little backround - - I am now 6 weeks PP. This was my very first vaginal delivery, and my son was 6lb 15oz. It was an easy labor and I only had to push for less than 30 minutes. I am 26 years old. I have been married for 8 years on the 15th of this month..

My husband and I attempted sex the day before I hit 6 weeks PP and I was still pretty 'loose' down there. My husband was upset, and he told me it will never go back down to being tight and that I was selfish for having a VBAC.. I am now worried so much. I have started doing kegels daily and also ordered the Gyneflex to help 'workout' these muscles to hopefully get them tighter faster.

My question I guess is how long did it take for your vaginal walls to tighten back up after your first vaginal birth? Should I worry now that I am 6 weeks and its still loose? Is there something else I need to be doing?
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  #2  
June 2nd, 2010, 11:55 AM
KimberlyD0
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Your husbands a jerk.. sorry but that was a jerky thing to do and say.

I don't know how long it takes unfortunitly but your only 6 weeks PP. He needs to understand these things take time.

Your nicer then me LOL it was a good 3 months with the first and 4 with the second before I would let DH near me.
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  #3  
June 2nd, 2010, 12:00 PM
becker206's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Thanks Kimberly. I just had my 6wk PP appointment on Friday and she assured me that it takes time.. my husbands response just really worried me and now I am freaked out and wondering if I am abnormal.. And yes I am still really upset about what he said. It was pretty cold. It's usually not like him but I think he was really expecting it to be great since we hadn't had intercourse in 2 months...
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  #4  
June 2nd, 2010, 12:28 PM
KimberlyD0
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well he needs to give his head a shake. What he said and did was uncalled for and I really hope he rethinks things. I would assume it'll be a few months before things go back to normal. I can't remember what they said in our child birth class, mind you this was 6 years ago now lol.

congrats on your new LO though.
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  #5  
June 2nd, 2010, 01:20 PM
Mega Super Mommy
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Just tell him if he doesn't like the new you then he can live without sex. Every pregnancy and delivery changes your anatomy, c/s AND vaginal. And while your vagina will be forever changed, so are you. You gave birth! You avoided the knife. You created life. As for your husband's comment, you are not, were not, never will be selfish for wanting/having a vbac he needs to grow up and get over it.
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  #6  
June 2nd, 2010, 01:45 PM
doremi's Avatar Team Blue Mama of Two
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Wow, that is a TERRIBLE thing for any husband to say to his wife! Obviously the deprivation got to him, not that that is ANY excuse. You are TOTALLY normal. It takes time to recover from childbirth, REGARDLESS of how you do it, and the last thing you need is someone pointing out your flaws along the way. And I do NOT think you were selfish to attempt a VBAC. HE is being selfish by reacting in such an unsupportive and hurtful way towards you, supposedly his best friend, and the MOTHER of his children!
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  #7  
June 2nd, 2010, 02:25 PM
Jenna's Avatar AWESOME!!!
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Yep. His comment basically says, I'd rather have your abdomen cut open than deal with any changes in my sex life. How in the world does having a natural, normal delivery translate into selfishness?

I don't like your husband very much right now.

You just keep doing what you're doing. You're not doing anything wrong and there's abso nothing wrong with you.
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  #8  
June 2nd, 2010, 03:11 PM
~*Kixs*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Wow...your DH is not on my nice list right now! That is a really sucky thing to say. And I don't get how your VBAC was selfish at all! your body was just doing what it was MADE TO DO!!!!

The 1st time DH and I dtd after my VBAC things felt different for me too. Birth does change your body but things do tighten back up. It just takes time. I would say by about 3m after DS was born I felt like me again. Things downstairs were normalish and my milk regulated so my bb's were not like waterfalls anymore.

Give yourself time. And if your DH does not like it tell him to take care of "it" himself!
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  #9  
June 2nd, 2010, 04:31 PM
lhug_nar's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Ditto to the other girls, your DH isn't on my good list right now. That was just plain down right stupid, selfish and cold of him to say to you. I'm 4 months pp from my VBAC and I'm not back to the tightness I used to be just yet. I'm assuming that it's going to be another couple months before I'm completely back to where I was before or close to it. I do kegals every day too...
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  #10  
June 2nd, 2010, 05:37 PM
NutMeg76's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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You were selfish?!?!?! YOU?!?!?! The one who wanted what was best for her child at the expense of her body? You who labored and pushed and birhted HIS baby?!?!?! Really!?!?!?!


No, he is the selfish one for thinking that HIS pleasure is more important than your health and your child's health.

But, for the question you asked, you are not abnormal, it takes more than 6 weeks for things to go back to normal, but they do tighten up after a while. I pushed out a 9 lb 14 oz baby with a head larger than 15 inches, and my DH says sex is still great and I am not all loose when we have sex.
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  #11  
June 3rd, 2010, 06:44 AM
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I haven't given birth vaginally, but I did labor to 10 cm so my cervix and things below were stretched a bit. It seemed to take 3-4 months for it to start tightening up. Now everything feels pretty much like before (but like I said, i didn't actually push the baby out...).

I agree with the other ladies, your husband was the only selfish one. I don't know about you... but PP was a pretty rough time for me. I felt so ugly and fat. My body weirded me out because it was just awkward and did things I never new it would do. The last thing you need right now is to be told you are even more awkward that you already feel. You are beautiful and with time your body will get back to "normal"!
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  #12  
June 3rd, 2010, 08:13 AM
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Wow! Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry!!! That was totally and completely uncalled for. I agree with the sentiment of the other ladies here. Not cool! He needs to get over himself. What he is saying is way more selfish than anything you've done.

I had a really bad tear, and it took a long time to recover to the point where sex wouldn't hurt anymore. But the time I could do it pain free, I was back to my normal size. I'd say about 4 months or so. I don't know of any woman that shrunk that quickly. And even after you get back to your normal, it could still be different. He needs to get over it, and accept you for who you have become. Even if you stay the way you are for the rest of your life (which you wont).

I'd soooooo be withholding sex as a punishment! LOL
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  #13  
June 3rd, 2010, 09:34 AM
gratefulmama's Avatar Melissa, Mama to Lily
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Lurking...I had a C/S with my DD, but I did labor to 10 cm and pushed for nearly 3 hours.

I just wanted to agree with the above. Your DH needs a reality check if he doesn't understand that what he said is completely SELFISH and mean. If my DH said something like that to me, I'm not sure that he'd ever get any from me again. How dare he say that at all. And how dare he put expectations on you that everything be the way that he see fit at only 6 weeks PP??? I really hope you put him in his place about this, as what he said was horrible.

My DH and I didn't DTD until about 4 months PP. While I think that I was as tight as I ever was, it was NOT comfortable at all. I've only had one child, so I'm not sure if it was because I was BF or just not quite healed up. We tried a few times randomly with the same results (I just need to add that my DH understood that things weren't quite back to normal and was completely supportive). When DD weaned at 7 months, we tried again and things seemed to be back to normal, with me finding the act pleasurable. So, I don't really know. That's just my experience. I do think, though, that it takes much longer than 6 weeks to heal (and not just superficially).
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  #14  
June 4th, 2010, 03:13 PM
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Again, I agree with the ladies. I know for men sex is very important and it is the way they were designed, perhaps he just wasn't expecting you to be loose down their and it caught him off guard (he had his expectations as a man). Though that (for me anyways) would not excuse what he said to you but perhaps if he went with you to your next doctors appointment and you could have the doctor explain things to him. That you will tighten up with time and even if you do not tighten up 100% like before, that could mean it could be more pleasurable for you which means more sex for him. Only you know your hubby so I do hope he has changed his mind and doesn't make you feel bad for giving birth the way God naturally created it to be.

Please let us know! I do pray things are better!
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