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Dh is getting cold feet...


Forum: VBAC: Vaginal Birth After a Caesarean

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  #1  
December 17th, 2007, 07:00 AM
Tofu Bacon
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So dh comes home the other night saying that he "doesn't agree" with my decision to VBAC, especially without anesthesia !!! I'm ready to flip out, but instead asked him where all of this was coming from; he's been so supportive from the get-go. He tells me that he's concerned because I'm "doing something that experts with a lot more education and experience are against" and it worries him. I'm about to burst into tears because he is supposed to be the one who is supporting and reassuring me, and now I have to comfort him.

Well, after some probing it turns out that dh has been the victim of a group of busybodies at church whispering in his ear that he needs to convince me that I "need" an epidural or just go straight for a c-section We had a nice long talk about the state of obstetrics and how American obstetricians are completely alone in their view that VBAC is dangerous, blah blah blah, and how these are the same people trying to convince pregnant women flu shots and cytotec are "safe"... they're wrong about that, so why should we trust their opinions on VBAC?? So he's feeling a little better, but I really want to be sure that he doesn't flake at the last minute, so tomorrow he's coming to my midwife appointment so he can ask questions and get some reassurance.
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  #2  
December 17th, 2007, 10:06 AM
KBeans's Avatar Believe in your body
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ok i just had to pick my jaw up off the floor! i cannot believe some people! those people have NO business saying anything to him that they themselves have not researched, but instead get their info from media and L&D nurses.

if they knew anything at all, they would know that an epidural can HARM you more in a VBAC!! im sorry you dh had to go through that, that's how i felt when that lady at my work attacked me, but im the one who knows what i know. and dh lately has been getting asked questions at work and has been educated other people! reassure your dh that you have done your homework and you love your child and your family and there's no reason for him to ever doubt you. poor dh i hope he can learn to let the buzzing become mute.
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  #3  
December 17th, 2007, 11:15 AM
TheOtherMichelle's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Yuck! People need to learn to mind their own business if they don't know what they are talking about. I'm glad you were able to bring your husband back around and I hope the midwife visit puts him over the top.
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  #4  
December 17th, 2007, 02:42 PM
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Geez , the thing that REALLY gets me is the whole epi thing , NO women NEEDS to have one for their health , I mean if it really came down to it and they had no choice but go without one it wouldn't kill them ! That is totally a personal choice weather to get one or not ! Why in the world would yo NEED one ? Sheesh !

But I hope he can get himself feeling better after talking to your midwife about it , and from now on make sure he understands that these are choices for the two of you to make , and that while others may offer their own opinion that you take it with a grain of salt and rely on what you two have researched and feel is right .
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  #5  
December 17th, 2007, 05:18 PM
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That is sad. But it happens all the time. It is why we have to fight so hard to have our VBAC's. It's because "they" don't know all the facts, and they spread it around. If the majority of women in the US think VBAC's are dangerous, then of course the medical community will follow suit and agree!

I'm sorry that he did that to you, and even more sorry that he was ambushed at church like that. Way to be strong and let him know how you feel. I hope your midwife can finish the job and convince him that all is well.
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  #6  
December 18th, 2007, 03:54 PM
Tofu Bacon
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I'm back from my appointment. All went well and dh got to ask questions about stuff like what if I get to 42 weeks with no labor in sight, etc. The midwife explained that our options are kind of limited at that point and Pitocin would be out of the question, so she would either try the Foley catheter (if I'm not dilated more than a couple of centimeters) or breaking my water if I'm dilated at least 3 or 4 centimeters. But basically she said what I say: let's not worry about that unless I actually get to that point.

So we talked on the way home and dh said he just wants me to realize that this might not happen and I'm like "Well duh, I know there's no guarantee, but I have to at least try."

My next appointment is 12/26, when she'll check my cervix to see where I'm at, and will then advise me on whether or not blue cohoshes will help get things going.

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  #7  
December 18th, 2007, 04:11 PM
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i was JUST about to ask how the appt went. glad it went well and uneventful. i get checked tomorrow eeekk

dh had said that to me a few times in the begining of all this and we talked about how i understand that and this is about having a chance and a choice and doing what i feel is best for all of us, including baby. butif it ends in a cesarean barring true medical necessity then we will all still walk out of there happy.
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  #8  
December 18th, 2007, 05:16 PM
SugarNSpice's Avatar VBAC Mommy!!!
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Ugh...don't you just love other people putting their 2 cents in about YOUR decisions about how to birth YOUR own baby!?? Ugh....

There were points that my DH was scared too. Men don't know the things that we know and with all the medical MISinformation out there, who can blame them for worrying ya know? I am glad that you were able to reassure your DH that you are making an informed decision.

I can't even count how many people thought I was nuts for wanting a VBAC. Almost everyone I encountered gave me a "WHY!!!??" reaction. Even one of the nurses at the midwife clinic...when I told her that I was a VBAC patient she said "Girl, you crazy!" Ummm ok.

I think going to your midwife appointment with you will help your DH understand a lot more.
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  #9  
December 18th, 2007, 09:38 PM
Tofu Bacon
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Thank you for the support, everyone! I forgot to add: I'm GBS positive I guess I shouldn't be too shocked, since I was + with ds as well, but man...all those probiotics for nothing!! Its not the worst thing that could happen, of course; it just kind of puts a crimp in my plans. If my water breaks I'll have to go to the hospital right away (I planned on staying home until labor actually starts) or if I go into labor first, I'll still have to go in sooner than I planned so I'll have enough time to get the antibiotics taken care of ASAP. I know that the odds of Baby getting sick from the GBS are very small, but its not something I want to mess around with because it is almost always fatal to Baby if it does happen.
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  #10  
December 19th, 2007, 06:43 AM
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I'm so glad to hear that DH was reassured! That's great.

Sorry about the GBS, that's no fun....but, you can work around it.
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  #11  
December 19th, 2007, 11:30 AM
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Oh wow, I cant belive some people! Thats totally insane! Im sorry DH is getting scared, but you know how men are. Even though I know you've explained things to him he's still worried about you. DH was completely against VBAC in the beginning, luckily hes starting to come around more now.

Im sry about the GBS+ I was positive with May, its one more thing to think about but no big deal luckily. I hope DH gets over the fears soon!
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