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Mother's Day & A Talk With DH


Forum: Trying to Conceive 1 Year +

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  #1  
May 11th, 2008, 07:32 PM
PlasticFork's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Missouri
Posts: 1,267
We had given Mom her gifts this morning, and given MIL her things yesterday. So, it sort of slipped my little ol' brain that it was Mother's Day later in the day. DH and I decided to go out to eat. Big mistake.

I have never in my life seen more infants than I did today. There aren't that many infants in a daycare. They were everywhere!!

DH and I sat down on a bench waiting for our number to be called. There, beside us, a family with 4 small children sat down, the littlest one being an adorable girl of approximately a year old.

We were sitting right by the door, and a horde of pregnant women waddled in and out while we were there. When we finally got seated, the girl sitting nearest to us was also pregnant. The couple at the table behind her had a newborn.

When we got ready to leave, our waitress told me Happy Mother's Day. I've never been...accidentaly, I guess you'd say...told that before. I know they were just trying to be nice, but every woman that goes out to eat on Mother's Day is not a mother. It just really made me feel worse than I was already feeling, which I'm sure sounds silly.

Did anyone else find today to be kind of hard?

Well, DH and I talked last night for a couple of hours about the baby situation. He does not want to give up, but I told him my reasonings for wanting to, which he understood.

He wants to get an SA done, so I guess we will call on that Monday. We already know that he has clumping sperm (We got a microscope and looked at his sperm. Some of them formed little sperm clump cities.), but we don't know how or if it will even be a problem. I'm sure some men's sperm clump more than others. (He has been taking vitamins that help with that ever since we saw the little sperm cities.) I don't really know that I think there is any reason for him to get one at this point, but if it makes him feel better.....

DH and I both spent the majority of the talk crying. We both want a baby so badly. As stupid as this might sound to you, we both are already so in love with him/her that it almost feels like he/she is already a person. DH said it perfectly last night. He said, "It almost feels like we had her and lost her. It's like she was so close, but now we're never going to know her."

I'm still not sure what we're going to do. Our talk last night helped me a lot, but I still don't know that I think anything will ever work.

Oooops. I really meant to post this in the Confession Lounge. Oh well.
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  #2  
May 11th, 2008, 07:57 PM
Carmela's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Alabama
Posts: 2,071
Sorry it was a hard day. I just went to my mom's house, and my grandmothers both came over there. So I didn't have to deal with a bunch of new babies or pregnant women. My dad's mom did talk a little about my cousin's new baby girl (born last January, she was an oops followed by a quick and unwanted wedding last August.)

I am glad you and your DH had a chance to talk and cry it out. I know it is hard, but I don't want you to give up yet. My DH and I have had several of those talks recently, but right now neither of us are really to call it quits for longer than an emotional outburst lasts. I know what you mean about the feeling of loss. Even though I have never been pregnant, the loss of the child or children I may never know is still with me.

Good Luck with what ever you decide to do.
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  #3  
May 11th, 2008, 08:20 PM
Kobain's Mommy's Avatar Future A&M Aggies Mommy
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Location: North Dakota
Posts: 2,585
I was depressed all day today! My friend was trying to convince me that I am a "mother" but I told her I'm not. Then I kept thinking today I should be 8 weeks and 3 days pregnant. Last night I left my friend's house and cried all the way home. Missing DH and then with losing the baby 4 weeks ago... It like I had him and then he's gone.. both of them.
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  #4  
May 11th, 2008, 08:36 PM
nikas_mommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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DH wanted to go out for lunch since we needed gas anyways, and I told him not on your life. I knew I'd just end up upset.

We totally understand how you both feel about her being a real person already and losing her.
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  #5  
May 12th, 2008, 12:46 AM
Brenda04's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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We went to DH's Uncle's house because that's where my MIL was, but it was hard every women there was a mother they were like 11 I believe except me and one of DH's aunt who is 54 yrs. old and was never able to have children.

It sucked because one of DH's uncles just had a baby and everybody was holding him and then DH's grandma call me over and says come'on Brenda look at the baby so you can be jealous and maybe like that you will want to have one, I felt so mad and hurt, I know she does not know we are TTC and they must think I'm a selfish witch for not wanting to have children but If they only new

I'm Glad the day is over
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  #6  
May 12th, 2008, 05:28 AM
Kobain's Mommy's Avatar Future A&M Aggies Mommy
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Quote:
We went to DH's Uncle's house because that's where my MIL was, but it was hard every women there was a mother they were like 11 I believe except me and one of DH's aunt who is 54 yrs. old and was never able to have children.

It sucked because one of DH's uncles just had a baby and everybody was holding him and then DH's grandma call me over and says come'on Brenda look at the baby so you can be jealous and maybe like that you will want to have one, I felt so mad and hurt, I know she does not know we are TTC and they must think I'm a selfish witch for not wanting to have children but If they only new

I'm Glad the day is over [/b]

I hate going to family functions because of that! I've gotten to the point of just saying "we are working on it" and leaving it at that. My friend's SIL is pregnant and due June/July and my friend just got their little girl that will be 2 and they are waiting on their little boy's who's 18 months. Well the MIL made the comment to me "so when will you be having one because you know their kids will be adults the rate you are going?" I wanted to start crying! I ignored her the rest of the day. I so wanted to slap her and say "Nice thing to say to someone that just miscarried a month ago, maybe think before you open that fat trap of yours!"
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  #7  
May 12th, 2008, 12:53 PM
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So I've been away but still reading up on you girls. I just wanted to stop in and say for the hard day. Mine was kindof sad, everyone telling me Happy Mother's Day when DH's daughter isn't even in the state. And I knew her mom would ignore my calls so I didn't get to talk to her. I didn't get really upset about it until today though when I found out DH's ex didn't even spend the day with her daughter?! She left them with a sitter and her and her latest guy went away for the day?! Does this seem crazy to anyone else or is it just me? What I wouldn't give to have been able to spend the day with his daughter yesterday.... *sigh*

Anyways that turned into a self rant lol, I hope the tests turn out good for your DH, and if not good, then very treatable.
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  #8  
May 12th, 2008, 02:00 PM
ashleighgurl's Avatar Loving Wife and Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Arizona - formally, Michigan
Posts: 12,763
I'm sorry the day was sad for you ladies! The day was sad for me, too. I was really sad, but I tried to not think about it so much. DF kept telling me Happy Mother's Day, because he didn't want me to feel "left out", and he kept telling me that I would be a mother some day. He even got me a Mother's Day card, like he did last year. Surprisingly, it didn't upset me at all. It actually made me very happy, and I thought it was very sweet of my fiance. Hopefully, next year, we will all have our babies to celebrate Mother's Day with!
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