Got back from RE vist...

txjovigal · #1 August 27th, 2008, 02:06 PM

And well it looks like we have a very slim chance of getting pregnant on our own even with IUIs. DH is still at 4% of good sperm and those are good still have only a 75% mobility. This is after 4 months of vitiam treatment and DH going on clomid. Sad part is he has more sperm just not any more good ones.

So my RE suggested IVF or Donor Sperm.

IVF will cost us about $15,000 per cycle vs Donor is $2,400.

Neither one of our insurance covers IVF so its all out of pocket, we have already this year spent $ 10,000 on IUIs (by cashing out part of my 401K, savings, and flex plan) and my MIL/FIL are dead set against IVF due to religion (what happens to left over embryos...etc.) and DH wants to respect their wishes. But truly, its because we don't have the $$ anymore and he is using his parents as an excuse to make me feel better.

DH is good with Donor Sperm because he just wants us to have a child together and he has always willing to adopt and this way at least the child is biological to one of us. I am ok with this cuz I just want to be a mom and after the heartbreaks we have had with trying to adopt and fostering (both times the child was taken back to real mom).

Would you guys try the Donor Sperm or just give up?? I a bit scared and just want to read what you all think? Has anyone else done this with success? is it wierd afterwards, knowing that its not your DH? (if you have and don't want to post, will you please email me and I PROMISE not to tell anyone.

Kaitie9399 · #2 August 27th, 2008, 02:30 PM

IMHO: I think that sperm doesn't solely define a man as a father. If he could love the baby with all of his heart and care for it and nurture it....it's his baby just as much as it would be yours.

Good luck. :-)

Bobbi · #3 August 27th, 2008, 02:31 PM

I dont know i have never even thought of it really DH is the only man i have ever been with But if there were no chance at all you would be able to concieve on your own. then i would definitly take it into concideration and although the child wont be his biologiclly it will still be his and never treat him as though he isnt the biological father and i think it would work out pretty good. because its not like you are going to go out and sleep with someone else you are just using sperm.

i just wanted to give you a

because its unfair that this is happening to you. i am so sorry.

AllisonC · #4 August 27th, 2008, 02:54 PM

Quote:

IMHO: I think that sperm doesn't solely define a man as a father. If he could love the baby with all of his heart and care for it and nurture it....it's his baby just as much as it would be yours.

Good luck. :-)[/b]

I would do it, if that was our only/last chance of conceiving. You don't have to be blood related to be the true father. Love makes a true father. Don't give up on your chance of becoming parents because the end result is sooooo worth it and rewarding. Good luck, hun!

MarieJ · #5 August 27th, 2008, 04:31 PM

If it were me, I would try IUI twice with donor sperm, then move to IVF----my IVF costs in Calgary are only a third that much per the cost list, why so much $??

Many men out there are wonderful fathers to children who are not biologically their own, if you want to be pg I think donor sperm is a nice option (and the IL's don't need to know about the donor part!)

mrsapexpredator · #6 August 27th, 2008, 04:40 PM

Well I just want to say that my father adopted me and I have never met my biological dad. The funny thing is that my adopted father and I look and act so much more alike then me and my mom that is biological. I love my momma don't get me wrong. I am just saying that sperm is not going to matter. How you and DH love that child is what is most important.

Also I have a friend that DH S/A came back 0. They both decided to try the donor sperm and they are now in the process with there RE.

Good Luck and

!!!!!

Brandiwine77 · #7 August 27th, 2008, 07:28 PM

Esmy, I'm sorry you didn't get the news you were hoping for. I had never thought about donor sperm before until I read your post. When I thought about it, I would do it if that was the only way that I could get pg. I understand your situation. We definitely don't have the money for IVF. Although I was interested to know that its much cheaper in Canada. I wonder why? If you think about it this way, if you use donor, the child is biologically yours, and DH would love it as if it was biologically his. It would be the same thing as if you had a child from a previous marriage and DH adopted it, or if you adopted a child who was not biologically related to either of you. You DH is going to be a father to y'alls child, no matter if its totally biological, partly biological, or unrelated. Blood doesn't guarantee love. Only a good, willing heart guarantees love.

tabbymichelle · #8 August 27th, 2008, 08:21 PM

Quote:

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Quote:

IMHO: I think that sperm doesn't solely define a man as a father. If he could love the baby with all of his heart and care for it and nurture it....it's his baby just as much as it would be yours.

Good luck. :-)[/b]

I would do it, if that was our only/last chance of conceiving. You don't have to be blood related to be the true father. Love makes a true father. Don't give up on your chance of becoming parents because the end result is sooooo worth it and rewarding. Good luck, hun!
[/b]

to both of these.

txjovigal · #9 August 28th, 2008, 07:44 AM

Thanks you all for your support.

DH and I had already decided that "gift" sperm (sounds better than donor) would be an option. So we will be moving forward with this in the next few months. DH wants to try at least 1 or 2 more times with his sperm, while we research who we want to be the donor.

Katie, I agree with you that the sperm doesn't define the father but the actions raising a child and my DH will be the greatest dad in the world.

Oh, and we aren't telling anyone.... so don't tell ok!! DH and I talked about no one in our lives needing to know that we are doing the gift sperm and I laughed and he said what.... I already posted on JM... he was like well a few ladies that don't know us IRL is ok... (little does he know that I know some of you ladies better than I know some friends!!)

Thanks again!

Kobain's Mommy · #10 August 28th, 2008, 08:19 AM

Honestly it's a personal issue for you and your DH. I know me and DH have talked. The farthest we are willing to go for a bio child is a couple rounds or IUI. IVF is out of the question due to cost. We aren't pressing for a bio child past that. We just want a child. We were planning on adopting anyways regardless.

Only you and your DH know in your hearts what is right for you.

Kaitie9399 · #11 August 28th, 2008, 01:41 PM

I'm so happy for you guys..... (and I won't tell) and along with him being a great daddy, I think you're going to be a great mommy!

Good luck

and I seriously don't know why I'm all teary....

*~Becca~* · #12 August 30th, 2008, 07:22 AM

Quote:

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Quote:

IMHO: I think that sperm doesn't solely define a man as a father. If he could love the baby with all of his heart and care for it and nurture it....it's his baby just as much as it would be yours.

Good luck. :-)[/b]

I would do it, if that was our only/last chance of conceiving. You don't have to be blood related to be the true father. Love makes a true father. Don't give up on your chance of becoming parents because the end result is sooooo worth it and rewarding. Good luck, hun!

[/b]

and HUGS!!!!!!!!