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Am I wrong???


Forum: Trying to Conceive 1 Year +

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View Poll Results: How long has Jane been trying?
3 months 12 85.71%
Over a Year 2 14.29%
Voters: 14. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
March 23rd, 2009, 07:04 PM
txjovigal's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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OK, this has been bugging me all day and I need my JM friends to help me out since you guys are going thru this with me... sorry if its long...

OK, here it goes..

over the weekend I went to a gathering at my cousins house to hang out with her and some of her friends.... and mind you I love this cousin and she knows everything that I have been going thru with our TTCing. Well one of her friends was there and we got to talking and my cousin mentioned that we were struggling to have a baby, well her friend (who I will call Jane) was all... woah is me, my DH and I have been trying for a little over a year and we don't know what going on ..etc. etc. , well some people overheard and started giving her sympthy... Well, I got pissed.... WHY? Her husband had been deployed for 18 months... (not everyone knew this) so in my opinion they haven't been trying over a year... and he has only been home 3 months..

I mean, am I wrong about this.. don't the 2 people have to be in the same city in order to be "trying". I said something to this effect and then I got a few mean looks... My cousin agreed with me but didn't say much.. I was really upset... I mean I have been ACTIVELY trying for over 6 years...

Oh and then Jane, was saying that she is going to her dr and moving forward with Clomid and testing because they haven't concieved yet.

So, I am wondering ... am I wrong? Has she been really TTC since they decided while he was away and he came home once during that time.
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Last edited by txjovigal; March 23rd, 2009 at 07:08 PM.
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  #2  
March 23rd, 2009, 09:17 PM
Brandiwine77's Avatar Waiting on God's Time
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Ummmm, to be ttc, without medical assistance, you have to be having some sex with the opposite sex. Not self-sex, phone sex, or anything else. You and your DH have to be DTD. So, Jane may have been wanting to TTC for over a year, but in actuality, she has only been trying a couple of months. She needs to change her story to reflect the truth. I mean if she said 'DH and I have been wanting kids for over a year now, but because he was deployed, we've only actively been ttc for a couple months', then she would be accurate and might get the sympathy she is looking for, for having to wait to TTC.

And as for her already want to seek medical intervention...well it sounds like she needs a reality check. Again, not preggo after 3 months of DTD doesn't warrant medical attention. Sounds like Jane is an attention wh*re and is a huge drama llama.
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  #3  
March 23rd, 2009, 09:59 PM
tabbymichelle's Avatar GO BUCKEYES!!! O-H-I-O!
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sorry that you had to go through that *HUGS*
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Dx with PCOS at age 14.
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5/27 - New round of Clomid started, no ultrasound this cycle, 2 more cycles planned on our own. If no bfp, onto next step!
6/27 - Round 3 Clomid 150mg started.
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  #4  
March 24th, 2009, 02:48 AM
Lady Caillean's Avatar Veteran
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i agree 3 months hon
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  #5  
March 24th, 2009, 04:16 AM
MountainMomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Three months. You have to be able to have sex to be considered TTC
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  #6  
March 24th, 2009, 04:49 AM
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I agree.... she must be starved for attention!
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  #7  
March 24th, 2009, 06:13 AM
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What a !! Someone was just lookin for a pity party.. I agree with all of ya! She's only been tryin a couple months!
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  #8  
March 24th, 2009, 09:34 AM
~*Jackie*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'd think you can only be "trying" if you are trying... hence DTD..
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  #9  
March 24th, 2009, 09:47 AM
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DH and I were in a similar spot as Jane. He is military, and was deployed the better part of the 2 years before we started TTC. We talked about kids, we were getting our finances in order and making sure we had healthy habits, reading parenting books, etc...but we were in opposite hemispheres. We would NEVER consider that time TTC, because conception would have been impossible!!

I agree that this girl is just looking for sympathy and drama, and she needs to chill out a little. I'm so sorry that you had to deal with that after all you have been through, and I hope you get your BFP soon!!
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  #10  
March 24th, 2009, 10:53 AM
~April04~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I agree with the rest of you ladies... That you need to be actually DTD in order to be considered TTC.. but I also think there are extenuating circumstances...

I know my DH was gone for a little while, but with my situation I still consider it time we were TTC because I was BCP for one of our IUI's for the first half and the second half we were getting everything situated for our IVF.. so even if he was actually home we wouldn't be doing anything differently.

But if say we started TTC and then he got actually deployed, I wouldn't count that time he was gone.. esp if it was over 6 months.
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  #11  
March 24th, 2009, 01:13 PM
txjovigal's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thank you ladies!

April, your case was different since your DH came home more often than Jane's DH!! and some of that time you were actually still doing treatment or preparing for IVF..
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  #12  
March 24th, 2009, 10:22 PM
Jessie0505's Avatar Finally a Mommy!
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wow! i have to agree with you guys!! my dh was gone for a year and before he left it was a year and now its only been like 7 almost 8 months since he has been home..i dont count that year as us ttc...thats insane!! sorry you had to go through that!! i hope you feel better soon!!
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  #13  
March 25th, 2009, 09:52 AM
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I have to say that I have mixed feelings about this. I am in the same shoes as you because we have been trying for so long with our dhs in the same place. I do somewhat understand janes feelings because she wants a baby and her dh is deployed. I don't think I would have understood her side until I met someone in her shoes. She came to me with her sob story and i just broke down because its not like she is facing the fact of never having her own kids. then she explained to me that you don't have to physically be trying for it to effect you mentally. I don't think she needs all that medical help at this point, but maybe she is just scared and didn't mean for it to effect you. I don't know this girl, but if she was trying to still your thunder so to speak then shame on her. 6 years of ttcing is a hard reality to face. I can't imagine that. I am on cycle 39. good luck.
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