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Forum: Trying to Conceive 1 Year +

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  #1  
October 31st, 2010, 03:43 PM
~*Kudzu*~'s Avatar ~praying for a miracle~
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: North Pole, AK
Posts: 1,177
Seriously ladies... how do you deal with it when others around you get the BFP?
I don't necessarily mean others on here, b/c here it feels like we are closer than even some of the people that have been in my life since childhood. Here, we share a common journey and all the trials and joys that go with it.
What I mean is I have 4 very close friends... one was trying, for quite a while, though, recently delivered a beautiful baby boy... one was trying for 4 months and is now 5 months along, just discovered its a boy... one was trying for 2 months and is 5 months along with a boy, one was nt/np and is soon to deliver a boy. Yeah, what are the odds on all those boys, huh? And my SIL just called to say she has just gotten the BFP...
Anyway, my point is... its getting hard to be happy for them. Probably b/c I have to hear about it CONSTANTLY from one or the other of them. And I know they mean well with the comments about how it will happen for me.. and now just wasn't the right time... blah blah blah!
Couple this with the fact that I work in a Women's Clinic. I love my job, but being around preggy women all day is making things very very hard on me!! I interviewed Friday with a family practice clinic b/c I just don't know how much longer I can stay at the OB/GYN clinic and keep my sanity! We had some patients last week that upset me to the point that I came home and cried for hours!
So... my question is.. how do you all deal with it and still be happy for your friends and family? I AM happy for them... I just don't know how to be happy for them and not upset for myself anymore....
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  #2  
November 1st, 2010, 06:18 AM
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I stamp it all down inside me and act all happy in person then I go home and have myself a cry...Its all I can do these days as they are popping up like crazy all around me.
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  #3  
November 1st, 2010, 06:25 AM
PregnantAtLast's Avatar Loving my baby boy
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Location: Huddersfield, UK
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if i am honest.... i dont

in front of them i am all smiles and then as soon as im on my own i cry, and then my dh gets the bad mood

i know how you feel as my sister has just announced her bfp
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  #4  
November 1st, 2010, 06:39 AM
ETanny's Avatar Mamma 2 Moo & Pops
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I dont cope either TBH.
I feel like my heart breaks a little more when ever i hear a announcement. When my sister announced she was pregnant last year my reaction was 'that should be my baby' and i cried for hours.
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  #5  
November 1st, 2010, 08:11 AM
eccomi's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Coley54 View Post
I stamp it all down inside me and act all happy in person then I go home and have myself a cry...Its all I can do these days as they are popping up like crazy all around me.
i'm the same. i put on a brave face and then go home and cry.
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cycles 1-16: TTC naturally, all BFNs
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  #6  
November 1st, 2010, 08:44 AM
acchickpea's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I admit that I do get upset but am very excited for all of my friends that are expecting and or had already given birth..... What I think about is that there are other women that are not able to carry and that puts everything in a reality check that at least I have a chance. (I hate to use my friend as an example but she was told that she could not carry that her relationship got so bad because of it that her DH gave her the divorce she asked for because she couldn't cope.) Maybe not now but someday. As long as my dr keeps on telling me that my vitals are ok and are in check then I'm going to keep on trucking along......
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  #7  
November 1st, 2010, 09:10 AM
Marieke's Avatar Mommy to an angel
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Coley54 View Post
I stamp it all down inside me and act all happy in person then I go home and have myself a cry...
This
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  #8  
November 1st, 2010, 09:48 AM
PregnantAtLast's Avatar Loving my baby boy
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  #9  
November 1st, 2010, 01:22 PM
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I am just like most of the other ladies. I put on a happy face and act all excited in front of them, but then when I get home.....I do break down.
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  #10  
November 1st, 2010, 06:34 PM
LilSunshine's Avatar ♥ Super Moderator ♥
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Many times I am honestly happy for them, but yet sad for myself. And yeah, the crying breakdowns happen to me too.

I just can't handle any more people telling me that they are having an "oops" baby or they aren't sure if they had an "accident" and might be pregnant. Ugh. I want to tell them to be more responsible and that they aren't allowed to complain or be scared when they chose to not use protection. (sorry...I'm in a mood right now!)
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  #11  
November 2nd, 2010, 02:07 PM
~*Kudzu*~'s Avatar ~praying for a miracle~
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Thanks ladies!! I think I was in a mood when I originally posted that. I KNOW I'm being a total hypocrite... b/c at the end of the day, I tuck 3 beautiful children into bed when there are women out there that are struggling to have their first... or who have given up on the dream of ever becoming pregnant at all.
I think my biggest complaint is like Sunshine said... the "oops" or the "gee.. we tried for forever, like 3 whole months!".
I seriously had a 15yo patient the other day who got pregs on purpose to "have someone that is all hers and will love her forever". I had to go to the ladies to keep from slapping this CHILD who is having a baby. I went to the bathroom and prayed for that innocent baby that should have been given to a lady on here... one that can love it for itself in the way it should be loved... The other problem I had last week that partially led to my original post was a woman came in with her 8th pregnancy... and it turned out to be TWINS!! Yep... 2 babies!! Now, I'm not one to say that she shouldn't have 9 babies... but they were on state insurance and when she started screaming at me b/c she needed her U/S appointment on a certain day and time b/c of having to bring her 7 other kids with her to appointments... and then screaming at me that her gestation dates where not possible to be correct b/c her DH was out of town when we were saying she conceived.... You all can imagine what was going through my head, right!!??!! Even as I tried to explain about twins and dating twins and early and late ovulation vs actual conception.... and all the time, all I could think was "really? she gets 2 more when I know ladies that would be happy with just one? and I just want one more and can afford it..."
I know thats wrong of me!! I used to tell DH that if we wait until we can afford a baby, we will never have one!
So, anyway... ladies, I know I'm a total hypocrite... and I'm horrible for it... but thanks for letting me get all this off my chest and for understanding where I am coming from!!
and to all!
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  #12  
November 3rd, 2010, 06:02 AM
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I, personally, do not feel that you were being a hypocrite. If its how you feel, then its how you feel. And whether you have none, one or ten...if you want another one and its not happening, its ok to feel that way. Your story of the girl with twins does make me feel sick though...poor kids...and the 15 year old...does she not watch 16 and Pregnant?!? The majority of those girls look back and regret their actions and say so on national tv. Insane.
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  #13  
November 3rd, 2010, 05:01 PM
irishblessing's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I've been in a good state of mind about it lately. Though there are times I feel annoyed. I guess I've just been keeping myself so busy that I've really convinced myself it's not that big of a deal if we don't end up having a second baby. There are a lot of other things I want to accomplish and I do enjoy my free time, which will once again start over to none with a second.

A couple babies recently though, a woman from my work got pregnant on her wedding night (apparently) and felt sick two days later. And then, a girl I know is pregnant with her 4th baby, all by different fathers and the most recent father is apparently a drug addict. But I suppose all things work out the way they are meant to....
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  #14  
November 5th, 2010, 08:40 AM
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I feel like I'm intruding here...but I so get this post. There are three of my good friends pregnant at the moment, and FIVE that have just had babies, literally w/in the last two months. I have cried after hearing each of these announcements even though I am truly happy for them. I used to be involved in local minstries that helped local femal addicts through recovery but have stopped after become bitter about the unfairness of them having babies, not caring either while they were pregnant or after for the children. Some days are better than others. I'm just glad i'm not the only one.
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  #15  
November 5th, 2010, 11:16 AM
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Please don't feel like you are intruding! We want to get to know you better!
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  #16  
November 5th, 2010, 01:39 PM
MEG282's Avatar Soon to be Mommy of 2!
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I too have had sooo many people in my life with BFP, and it has been extremely overwhelming! I am all smiles and happiness when I am told when in the back of my mind I am dieing! I hold it in until I get home, and my DH always asks me if I am ok when I tell him! Ofcourse I am happy for them but I always wonder, "why not me?" Hang in there! I feel your pain!
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  #17  
November 5th, 2010, 03:55 PM
~*Kudzu*~'s Avatar ~praying for a miracle~
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: North Pole, AK
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Robyn~ you are totally not intruding!! The purpose of the post was to get it off my chest.. and to make sure I wasn't alone! LOL

I have to be honest... I put in my notice at the Women's Clinic. I just can't work there anymore surrounded day after day by women (and little girls) who refuse to quit smoking or drinking, or are asking me if the U/S will be able to tell them when they conceived so they will know who to "contact for child support" (thankfully that last one was her first baby... but I get asked a variation of that question ALOT!!).

I talked today to my BFF who is 25 weeks along with a baby boy and I am absolutely thrilled for her... I really really am.... but it was so hard to hear her talk about how big the baby is and how big she is getting and all that goes along with it... I love her more than family, but it still hurts. We actually started ttc at the same time, we wanted to be pregs together... obviously it didn't work! LOL
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