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I'm in a bit of a mood today, so bear with me. The last year has been the hardest of my life, and it seems like I am surrounded by people who are always saying the WRONG thing. I'm always coming up with snarky responses in my head for what I should say to certain comments...but alas, I'm actually a nice person and will never actually respond like this.
Insensitive Person: "I'm so fertile, he just looks at me and I get pregnant *giggle*" Snarky Me (In a tone dripping with sarcasm): "Oh, WOW! You really ARE fertile! That's amazing!!! He just looks at you? You mean you don't even have sex? That is really something. You should go on Oprah."
Insensitive Person: "Oh, wow. Your son is getting soo big. You better give him a little brother or sister soon *wink, snicker*" Snarky Me (In a very sweet, sarcastic voice): Oh.My.GOODNESS. You know, I had never noticed it before, but by golly you're RIGHT!! He IS getting big. I'm SO glad you pointed that out to me, I never would have caught on that he is growing up. Now that you mention it, I think he DOES need a little brother or sister. We'll get right on that. I'll just order one up on amazon.com and have it delivered to our door in 9 months. What a GREAT idea! Thanks SO much!!!
In reality, when people hint about us having another baby, I practically end up apologizing to them ("Ummm..well...we'd like to, but it's just not working out...") Or sometimes I just blow it off and say "haha" or something equally lame.
Do YOU have any snarky responses you'd like to make to insensitive comments?
snarky, no. like you i somtimes have fantasies of telling people off but never actually do.
i usually just say, "oh, we're not in any hurry" or, "we have two dogs, they're enough for now."
thank you bonnie (cavewoman) for my beautiful siggy!
cycles 1-16: TTC naturally, all BFNs cycle 17 & 18: not TTC (due to diagnostic tests) october 14: RE appt with follow-up hysteroscopy + saline sonogram... TUBES ARE CLEAR! cycle 19, 20 & 21: natural TTC cycles = BFNs cycle 22: another natural cycle, but preparing for our first IUI with injectables for cycle 23! FINALLY!!! FEBRUARY 10th... our very first when we least expected it!!!
october 26th... our little miracle arrived via c-section at 12:19pm weighing 3.920 kilos! we are in love.
Those are good. I told someone who asked me when DS was getting a sibling...that he would get one when she had another kid (she's older and has old kids). I've also had one friend ask me a few times about baby #2 when chatting online and both times I've signed off so I could avoid the question.
Some people just piss me off, like in your post... I get so frustrated. A friend on FB that I added after a while, we hadn't talked in years, she was like: "still no kids??", or "come on when are you gonna make babies??", UGH!!!!! I'm like: IT DOESNT WORK!!! (and in my head: STUPID *****!!!!). Sorry, people just get on my nerves.
TTC since August 2008
6 IUIs: IVF #1 (september 2012): 11 eggs, none fertilized, no transfer IVF ICSI #1 (may 2013), 1 blastocyst: (m/c 7 weeks ) FET #1 (october 2013), 1 blastocyst: IVF ICSI #2 (april 2014): 5 eggs, 4 fertilized, 2 bad quality embryos, no transfer IVF ICSI #2.1 (coming soon)
When some one asks me when DH and I are going to have a baby, I tell them the truth. "Oh, we've been trying for almost three years and have had four miscarriages so when my body decides to let me carry, we'll have a kid."
Thanks to Jaidynsmum for my siggy!
Proud former foster parent to a teen. Waiting on our next call. Proud Aunt to 22.
Proud mommy to 7 angels. Survivor of 4 failed adoptions (5 kids)
i hate the "he only has to look at me!!!" it really pi$$es me off
when people ask me when we are having another i always just say it isnt through lack of trying
i had "you should be greatful you have 1" yesterday and that annoys me too, i do adore my som but my family isnt complete an we wont stop trying til we have another or are told that there isnt any chance of having another
i always find that these comments come from people who dont have trouble comcieving too
The 'At least you have Mia so be grateful' annoys me so much...Saying I dont appreciate my daughter? Hello?! I love her even more then I did before we started TTC because I know how much more special she is now so dont tell me to be grateful!
I cant think of any of the sly comments I want to say but I do normally just giggle or tell the truth...depends who they are. If its strangers in the street I do just kind giggle while i am sighlently seething inside!
These days I usually have to deal with "wow... 3 kids, huh?" and when did 3 suddenly become outrageous??? So I typically say "yep, 3.. and I would have 5 more if I could!"
Nobody knows we are ttc... its easier that way!
In the past though what would REALLY chap my khakis was after a loss someone saying "well, everything happens for a reason" or "something was probably wrong with it". Since I am the one who brought home a 23 week micro-preemie I obviously REALLY don't care if "something was wrong"!!!
Thanks for posting this!! It actually helped to get that out!
Yeah, the "You should be so grateful to just have one" gets me as well, b/c I think I AM more grateful than most people are for their children b/c of what I have been through.
But when is the last time you heard someone say to some one who is expecting their 2nd child , "What? you're having another one? You couldn't just be happy with the one you have?!" That's right. Never. Because it's not really unreasonable to want more than one child (or to be able to have as many as you choose. It's awful when that choice gets taken from you )
I used to dance around the questions...Now I just flat out say he's got stupid swimmers and i have unexplained infertility so as much as we'd like to have children, its been a bit of failure. People don't usually ask anymore.
***A HUGE thanks to marriedc for the awesome siggy!***
I pretty much agree with all you girls have already said... especially the being thankful for our daughter thing, things will happen when they are meant to happen (well duh, doesn't make the wait any easier) and I've also gotten slams on my faith as well. Not fair. I never realized how rude it was to ask someone about if they are going to have kids/more kids until now... there is one person in particular who KEEPS asking me on my fb when we'll have more-she doesn't get the hint when I NEVER respond to her (I wouldnt' tell her anyway!!) ...I've got sooo many things I'm about ready to say to her about it! (Seriously-one time I made a status about "ugh this is a second Monster kind of day-all my friends know I love Monster (bad for me, I know) but yet she goes and flips out and says oh my gosh! Are you pregnant?! Thankfully one of my other friends said um, I think she means the energy drink.)