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  #1  
November 19th, 2010, 07:31 AM
jesridge's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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of the infertility closet. Have you? Will you? Do you want to?

I am starting to think about this a lot lately. I am the type of person who likes to let a person know why I'm bummed, so that they will know it's not something they've done.

I hate leaving the room at work whenever people start talking about their kids being so super pinchy cheek adorable, or the fun things they've done, the steps they've taken, the projects they had at school, etc. It drives. me. nuts. to stay there and even take part in those conversations. I feel like I'm about to explode, cry, scream, flip my noodles, etc.-- and I know that some of them can probably see it in my face. I don't want them to think I hate them... so I'm starting to think I should just come out and let it be known that "I'm infertile, you guys! Let's talk about the weather or our pets instead!"

Anyone heard of the "infertility's common thread" bracelets?
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  #2  
November 19th, 2010, 08:27 AM
eccomi's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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i wouldn't know jes because i'm pretty much "in the closet" too. however, part of the reason i'm there is because there have been other people in the family with infertility problems and i saw how the whole family tip-toed around the subject and/or whispered "updates" behind their backs. this includes my brother and his wife and DH's cousin and her husband. luckily my brother and SIL went on to have an IVF baby and their 2nd IVF baby is due any day now. DH's cousin, on the other hand, wasn't successful with the MA (after three failed IVFs she threw in the towel). i don't want to be the topic of discussion so we just leave them in the dark. although i think DH's parents are catching on (only because DH has to ask them for time off for our appointments... though they don't know what appointments i'm sure they can imagine). i feel better letting my friends know what's going on but for me our families are a whole different story...

i haven't heard of the bracelets... what are they all about?
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cycles 1-16: TTC naturally, all BFNs
cycle 17 & 18: not TTC (due to diagnostic tests)
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cycle 19, 20 & 21: natural TTC cycles = BFNs
cycle 22: another natural cycle, but preparing for our first IUI with injectables for cycle 23! FINALLY!!!
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  #3  
November 19th, 2010, 09:33 AM
jesridge's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I read about the bracelets here, where someone was making them and giving them away for free. I guess they stopped doing that, but shared how to make them instead (quite easy.) It's sort of like a secret handshake for people struggling to have children (whether it's not being able to conceive at all, having miscarriages, etc.) It's also for people who used to have struggles like that but have gotten pregnant-- sort of like a "I understand what you are going through," type of thing that is meant to bring some hope for the others, and also to recognize the struggles they overcame, I suppose. It would definitely make me feel less bitter (bad, I know) if I saw a pregnant woman wearing one of those bracelets.

I don't know how popular they are, especially in my area, but it can't hurt to kind of get the word out. At the very least, it might make you feel more connected to others experiencing this.
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  #4  
November 19th, 2010, 09:44 AM
MummyTo2Plus5's Avatar Loving my baby boy
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most people know about our problems so they have stopped asking
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  #5  
November 19th, 2010, 10:33 AM
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Well, our son is almost 2 and people have been asking us when we are having another one for at least year now (as long as we've been trying). I'm finally getting to the point that if someone is nosy enough to ask, I will tell them way more than they probably want to know. I actually usually just tell them that we can't have anymore. That shuts them up pretty fast.

ETA: I like the idea of the bracelets. When I'm out and about with my son, I'm sure if an infertile woman sees me, to her I'm just another fertile woman who can have a baby whenever I want. Sometimes I want to wear a sign that says , "I do not take this miracle for granted" or "Secondary Infertility Hurts, Too" or maybe, "I Would Chop Off My Left Leg To Have Another Child".
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  #6  
November 19th, 2010, 12:41 PM
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I am not shy about letting people know what we are going through infertility wise. Its helped me actually. People (for the most part) understand why I get so upset now. We are going to keep the fact that we will probably use a sperm donor secret but I have no problems telling people that we conceived via IUI or IVF or however it happens.

LOVE the bracelet idea! I want one!
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  #7  
November 19th, 2010, 12:46 PM
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I think I'm going to try to find this thread this weekend...Seeing as it looks like I might have a bunch left, if anyone wants a bracelet but doesn't want to buy the thread, let me know and I'll make you one using the thread that I have til its all gone! I REALLY like the idea...thank you for sharing.
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  #8  
November 19th, 2010, 02:34 PM
ProjectMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Coley54 View Post
I think I'm going to try to find this thread this weekend...Seeing as it looks like I might have a bunch left, if anyone wants a bracelet but doesn't want to buy the thread, let me know and I'll make you one using the thread that I have til its all gone! I REALLY like the idea...thank you for sharing.
I am currently pregnant, but it took 15 hard months to do so. I love the bracelet idea! How do you go about making them?
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  #9  
November 19th, 2010, 02:57 PM
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I'm leaving work and don't have time to post but promise to post the link I found tonight! Be back in an hour or so!
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  #10  
November 19th, 2010, 04:53 PM
esparando para bebé's Avatar Proud Car Seat Technician
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I'm also of the mindset that if they ask they're going to know and probably feel bad. I've had four miscarriages. All were easily conceived but after the fourth I stopped ovulating and therefore haven't been able to conceive again.
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  #11  
November 19th, 2010, 05:12 PM
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Here is the link to the best directions I've found so far. The thread they say to use cost me $0.35!

Bella Vida: Bracelets are GONE!! More info
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  #12  
November 20th, 2010, 09:10 AM
jesridge's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thanks for posting the link to the directions, Coley! I'm glad everyone's excited about this.
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  #13  
November 20th, 2010, 12:30 PM
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I'm already wearing mine.
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  #14  
November 20th, 2010, 12:50 PM
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So, I sure I have missed alot! I, too, am going to look into the bracelets!

We are definitely "in the closet." I have talked to very few people about what we are going through. Lots of people are very insensitive and ask when are we going to have us some, and I usually say when God decides it is time. There are lots of nosy people out there and it is really none of their business as to what all we are going through. DH and I decided from the beginning it was private. Plus, most of my friends have never gone through what I am going through. Which is why I am here with all of you lovely ladies!
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DH=42.......SA's off the charts!!!
Me=33........unexplained
One year on our own=BFNs
Clomid+BDing (4 months)=BFNs
IUI #1 Feb. 2011=BFN
IUI #2 Apr. 2011=BFN
1st RE appt.=May 2011
1st IVF cycle June/July=delayed due to OHSS concern
10 Snowbabies!!!!!!!
1st FET Oct. 2011=BFP!!!!!!
Beta #1=1,398
Beta #2=8,032
Beta #3=14,955
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  #15  
November 21st, 2010, 07:37 PM
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Wow, that's such a great idea! I want one too-I'll have to nab the thread for it soon.

I went for about 11 months with it in the closet. Most of our friends and family know what a struggle it was to get pregnant the first time, but they didn't know we were trying now (none of their business really) and thankfully they didn't. I had a few people ask me over and over and over again, and a couple of friends who seemingly shoved their pregnancies down my throat, so I finally let it all out on a Marine Corps message board I'm on (I used to live in the same town with a lot of the girls, they are my best friends) and that helped a LOT. Actually a couple of other girls came out with their struggles as well, and so it helped to not be so lonely. Other than that our best friends and a couple of family members (not even my parents) know and that's it.
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  #16  
November 22nd, 2010, 06:10 PM
hollann1984's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Im half in half out of the closet. Some people know but most do not. I love the bracelet idea. im going ot have to make one
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  #17  
November 23rd, 2010, 07:39 AM
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I went to bed with mine on last night...and woke up...nothing! LOL...not sure where it is.
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