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stages of acceptance of our infertility


Forum: Trying to Conceive 1 Year +

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  #1  
January 3rd, 2011, 01:28 PM
eccomi's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2009
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i feel like accepting infertility is a bit like the mourning/grief process in that you have to go through different stages in order to come to full acceptance. i remember in the beginning i was still hopeful, that maybe just maybe we would still get pregnant on our own (i think of this as my denial stage). it didn't bother me at all when others announced their pregnancy during that time because i still thought that sooner or later it would "be my turn." then i reached a stage when i realized that we really are what is considered an infertile couple. pregnancy announcements felt like a sucker punch in the stomach during that phase (and trust me, there were LOTS of announcements). i think i've come pretty much full circle and into my acceptance phase. at this point, the queen of england could announce that she was pregnant and i wouldn't bat an eye!

what stage do you think you are in? how do you feel about infertility?
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cycles 1-16: TTC naturally, all BFNs
cycle 17 & 18: not TTC (due to diagnostic tests)
october 14: RE appt with follow-up hysteroscopy + saline sonogram... TUBES ARE CLEAR!
cycle 19, 20 & 21: natural TTC cycles = BFNs
cycle 22: another natural cycle, but preparing for our first IUI with injectables for cycle 23! FINALLY!!!
FEBRUARY 10th... our very first when we least expected it!!!

october 26th... our little miracle arrived via c-section at 12:19pm weighing 3.920 kilos! we are in love.
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  #2  
January 3rd, 2011, 03:49 PM
samantharae's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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im def in the stage where it feels like ive been sucker punched! /: 29 cycles and i still feel so bitter towards people who get announce pregnancy.
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  #3  
January 3rd, 2011, 04:03 PM
MEG282's Avatar Soon to be Mommy of 2!
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Def. the sucker punch stage! I don't know if I will ever get out of that stage if we end up not being successful in TTC!
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  #4  
January 3rd, 2011, 04:46 PM
Marieke's Avatar Mommy to an angel
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Sucker punch stage here too...
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TTC since August 2008
6 IUIs:

IVF #1 (september 2012): 11 eggs, none fertilized, no transfer
IVF ICSI #1 (may 2013), 1 blastocyst: (m/c 7 weeks )
FET #1 (october 2013), 1 blastocyst:

IVF ICSI #2 (april 2014): 5 eggs, 4 fertilized, 2 bad quality embryos, no transfer
IVF ICSI #2.1 (coming soon)
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  #5  
January 3rd, 2011, 05:05 PM
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I drift between the acceptance stage and back to the sucker punch stage- and I still get whims of hopeful, too....I guess Im all over the place, huh?

In general, I am happy with my life. I have many things to be thankful for- including my 7 yr old DD.

So, I feel guilty sometimes when the desire to be pregnant and have another one gets so strong at times. BUT I cant help it.

Today is one of those frustrating days where I just want to ask WHY??? a million times. I really do want to be pregnant so badly, and I dont like the feeling that it is so beyond my control.....but I am doing my best to enjoy each and every day and the blessings I have already been given.
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  #6  
January 3rd, 2011, 06:11 PM
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I would say that I am in the sucker punch teetering on disgusted stage. Sometimes, as you say, it knocks the wind right out of me when someone announces that they are pregnant. Then, other times I am just disgusted. Not really at the person.....eventually, I know I will be happy for them, but just at my situation.
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TTC #1 since August 2009

DH=42.......SA's off the charts!!!
Me=33........unexplained
One year on our own=BFNs
Clomid+BDing (4 months)=BFNs
IUI #1 Feb. 2011=BFN
IUI #2 Apr. 2011=BFN
1st RE appt.=May 2011
1st IVF cycle June/July=delayed due to OHSS concern
10 Snowbabies!!!!!!!
1st FET Oct. 2011=BFP!!!!!!
Beta #1=1,398
Beta #2=8,032
Beta #3=14,955
11/10/11=1st u/s
WOW, two babies.........
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  #7  
January 3rd, 2011, 08:09 PM
Field Mouse's Avatar nom nom
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I was at that point too. I thought that i would never conceive a child on my own without something costly like IVF. I was even looking into adoption and thought that I had lost hope altogether. We gave up ttc and I was taking a few months off to recover emotionally because it had been so stressful on us both. Oddly enough, I got pregnant during that month. This is obviously not the case for everyone but just when I thought there was no hope at all I was pregnant. I know how hard infertility treatment is and remember whether it happens or not, you are still a worthwhile person (I had a lot of my worth tied up with being a mom)
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  #8  
January 4th, 2011, 01:59 AM
MummyTo2Plus5's Avatar Loving my baby boy
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i am at a totally different stage, i have have just gone through the hating myself stage cos im 'broken' and my body wont do as i want it too, now i have accecpted that my body is 'broken' but it will do what i want it too it might just take a little while longer
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  #9  
January 4th, 2011, 07:58 AM
Mega Super Mommy
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This last year has been a complete rollercoaster...From "Yay,let's have another baby and give our son a little brother or sister! This will be so much fun" to Complete and total devastation when we found out my DH only had 1.3 million sperm/ml and really thinking we would never conceive again to a bit of hope when DH's urologist recommended varicocele surgery, to excitement when the surgery improved things quite a bit, and back to fear and uncertainty when we found out I have elevated FSH at the ripe old age of 26.

There were times I thought I was getting close to the acceptance stage, but I definitely feel like I am sometimes still stuck in the grieving/sucker punch stage.
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  #10  
January 4th, 2011, 10:47 AM
eccomi's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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for me my lowest moment was when i found out my 21yo SIL was "accidentally" pregnant. it hurt SO much that we had been trying for well over a year and she "accidentally" got pregnant. she's exactly 10 years younger and not at all able to support herself and/or the baby on the way. she is 100% dependent on my ILs. her boyfriend lives over three hours away and can't move any closer because he's military police. why oh why would she get pregnant and not us? it took me a long time to come around and accept the situation. it just felt like a slap in the face. i think if i can handle her getting pregnant at this point i can handle anything.
__________________
thank you bonnie (cavewoman) for my beautiful siggy!

cycles 1-16: TTC naturally, all BFNs
cycle 17 & 18: not TTC (due to diagnostic tests)
october 14: RE appt with follow-up hysteroscopy + saline sonogram... TUBES ARE CLEAR!
cycle 19, 20 & 21: natural TTC cycles = BFNs
cycle 22: another natural cycle, but preparing for our first IUI with injectables for cycle 23! FINALLY!!!
FEBRUARY 10th... our very first when we least expected it!!!

october 26th... our little miracle arrived via c-section at 12:19pm weighing 3.920 kilos! we are in love.
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  #11  
January 6th, 2011, 04:38 AM
I'm a mommy in waiting
Join Date: Nov 2010
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It was weird for me. I started out hopeful... After a year and a half of trying, I kinda got that worried feeling, but didnt want to go get testing done because I was scared they'd dash all hopes. Then I just accepted I never would. I thought I was okay.

Then fifteen people between my family and friends got pregnant within a year and I went back into that sucker punch stage which is where I currently am and why DM and I have started scheduling our testing.

I'm totally not joking about that fifteen. Its ridiculous. I've gone to five of those baby showers and its a kick in the heart each time, especially since I had to plan one of them.
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  #12  
January 6th, 2011, 08:12 AM
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I'm stuck in the "I can't believe TTC is this hard for us" and "it's not fair" stage. I never thought we would still be trying after 15 months. It's just not fair that everyone else doesn't have to pay tons of $ to get pregnant and go to RE appointment after RE appointment and get poked and prodded.

I try my best not to get too upset over it. It sucks, but there's not much I can do about it. It's just hard when most of my friends are pregnant with their second baby right now. Seems like there's another announcement on Facebook everyday.
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  #13  
January 6th, 2011, 09:38 AM
MEG282's Avatar Soon to be Mommy of 2!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by daffyangel View Post
It was weird for me. I started out hopeful... After a year and a half of trying, I kinda got that worried feeling, but didnt want to go get testing done because I was scared they'd dash all hopes. Then I just accepted I never would. I thought I was okay.

Then fifteen people between my family and friends got pregnant within a year and I went back into that sucker punch stage which is where I currently am and why DM and I have started scheduling our testing.

I'm totally not joking about that fifteen. Its ridiculous. I've gone to five of those baby showers and its a kick in the heart each time, especially since I had to plan one of them.
WOW! Fifteen??? I had 13 in one year not including multiple FB friends announcements, and I thought that was a lot, I attended 6 baby showers, and helped throw 3 of the 6! It was a rough year! I completely feel your pain! I grin and bare it and then lose it when I get home! How do you handle it???
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  #14  
January 9th, 2011, 08:33 PM
I'm a mommy in waiting
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MEG282 View Post
WOW! Fifteen??? I had 13 in one year not including multiple FB friends announcements, and I thought that was a lot, I attended 6 baby showers, and helped throw 3 of the 6! It was a rough year! I completely feel your pain! I grin and bare it and then lose it when I get home! How do you handle it???
I had mental break downs at home...did a LOT of shopping. There are days I just cry at random because I allow my thoughts to get the better of me. The bad thing is, the person besides my DH that I would talk to about this JUST had a baby and I don't feel right talking to her. She's my best friend and right now I feel that there is this HUGE wall of baby/no baby between us.
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  #15  
January 10th, 2011, 12:50 AM
ETanny's Avatar Mamma 2 Moo & Pops
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I am at the sucker punch in the stomach fase. Its not left me since my sister announced she was pregnant December 2009. 7 months after we started TTC and very soon after we was told they thought I had PCOS. It broke my heart. I cried like a baby. Now my little neice is 4 months old I am still TTC almost 2 years since we started TTC. Bah.
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  #16  
January 10th, 2011, 04:55 AM
I'm a mommy in waiting
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Its definitely hard to be supportive for everyone else when you keep trying with no results...then you feel like a bad person because you aren't being supportive. Its horrible.
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  #17  
January 10th, 2011, 06:58 AM
Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by daffyangel View Post
It was weird for me. I started out hopeful... After a year and a half of trying, I kinda got that worried feeling, but didnt want to go get testing done because I was scared they'd dash all hopes. Then I just accepted I never would. I thought I was okay.

Then fifteen people between my family and friends got pregnant within a year and I went back into that sucker punch stage which is where I currently am and why DM and I have started scheduling our testing.

I'm totally not joking about that fifteen. Its ridiculous. I've gone to five of those baby showers and its a kick in the heart each time, especially since I had to plan one of them.
I know how you feel. I was just at a baby shower for my SIL and there were NINE new babies there born within the last 6 months and FOUR newly pregnant girls. And that was just in my local group of friends. In addition to that, 3 of my cousins have had babies in the past year, and more of my friends from back where I grew up than I can count. It's starting to seem like torture. It's hard to believe how easy it is for everybody else.
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