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I hadn't logged in here in a long time and I'm not sure if anyone even remembers me or not, but I needed a break from all things fertility. Mental breakdowns are not fun, so I had to separate myself from the biggest part of my stress. Upon doing this, my husband and I had a discussion about what we were going to do with our fertility issues. The truth is, I just dont think we can handle going through it and for right now we've put it all completely on hold. I think he's shut down to the entire thing mentally just as I did emotionally so now we're completely stuck. It feels hopeless and the what if's were enough to scare us into submission, and that sounds horrible.
I honestly don't know how I feel about our decision. On one hand, I feel relieved because the worry of everything is gone. On the other hand, I feel awful because I have always felt that there is a baby out there for me and in my head it feels like I'm just giving up on them because I'm not strong enough to handle this. All of my friends are either single and not in mommy mode or they have children and don't understand this crossroads and I don't feel like trying to explain it to them.
I hope everyone here is doing well and that you are all well on your way to mommydom.