[Vicki...]

Ok, I have an issue that has been bothering me for a little over a month now, last time I went to visit my mom and dad, I overheard my dad talking to my oldest sister(diana) about my 2 month old neice Isabella(she is sister rose's daughter), and he said to her " I have not loved a child this much since you was a baby", this bothers me intensely, I am the youngest of his children, I have always known that she is the favorite, but what about me, my other sister(rose), and my son(caleb), and her son(roses son doug) do we mean nothing to him. I guess the reason I have brought this back out in my mind is because my sister Diana is trying to guilt trip me into going to thanksgiving dinner with mom and dad and everyone, and I am not sure that i will not break down crying during dinner, I cried myself to sleep last night just thinking about, and I also worry that Caleb who is scared of my dad will actually start to form a bond with him only to be hurt the way I have been, sorry to dump all of this on you ladies, but I need to know if I am just being petty.

[SavaAngel]

I would discuss it with your DH and make a family decision that way. Good Luck. My family is the same way - I am just glad I live so far away from them and don't have to deal with these decisions.

[tay'smama]

That is terrible. I don't how people can be hurtfull to children...mil and fil are like that too, sil's son is treated like a prince and they barely aknowledge tayla. When she was first born I tried to bring her there alot and I would literally have to shove her into their arms they never seemed interested in holding her. So I stopped. My only job is to make sure she is loved, healthy, safe, happy and not to please them. So we go there once in a while for dinner and they still don't act like they miss her. Maybe for about 2 seconds then they are all in other rooms doing whatever...it's like they try to stay busy. They don't help us out at all but give sil everything. Sorry to go off on a tanget I just so frustrated when my child is treated like 2nd best. I don't understand why grandparents wouldn't treat the kids the same I mean they are babies for crying out loud. I don't think you should feel bad or petty. No one is going to look out for caleb but you and dh. If going there would upset you and maybe caleb I wouldn't even bother. I read something before and it's why I stopped pushing tay on the il's..."never make someone a priority if all they make you is an option" something like that and I think it was meant for relationships but I think it fits this situation perfectly. Good luck with your decision. I'm sorry you are in this crappy situation.

[Vicki...]

Thank you so much Lisa, and Christine, I am almost sure that I am not going to go, I have been so depressed about it lately, and usually when I have a hard decision I talk to my sisters, but Rose does not know this was said, and I'm not telling her, and Diana thinks it should not be a big deal to me. Thank you ladies so much though for being here for me, I honestly don't know what I would do without all of you ladies, you are the greatest group of girls, I am so glad that I found this message board.

[MountainMomma]

That is pretty much the reason I am 1000 miles away from my family. I was really close to my Dad, but I rarely speak to the rest of my family, and it's only when they want something from me or when I make the effort. I'm sorry that you have had to deal with the same things I did. I don't have much advice as my solution was running away. lol I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone.

[MamaAnna]

It sounds like not going is probably the right decision. It seems that they don't appreciate you or yours and have a complete disregard for your feelings. Even if that is the way they feel they have no business saying it to anybody. That's a good way to do some serious emotional damage. They've greatly upset you so why should you go? Why should others see you so broken down by your own parents? If they make you feel this way then don't spend what should be a happy day with them. Spend it with your own family and enjoy the happiness that they bring you. I've also cut out the majority of my family for a variety of behavior, this included. I don't miss them and have been 300% happier without them.

[boysmama]

I understand how much this hurt your feelings, and I would be really hurt too. It is a fact of life that parents may love a child more than another, and that's OK as long as they treat them equally. I don't believe this meant your dad doesn't love you or Caleb (but of course I don't know anything about your family). If this was the only incident, I would try to forgive and go only if I was able to forgive them.

I personally take the holidays as a chance to mend broken ties and get closer to my family. I haven't been in your shoes, so I can't claim I know how you feel, I only tend to forgive whatever I can to keep a close relationship with people around me.

[MarieJ]

Playing favorites sucks, I think you need to do what's best for yourself and your family. ((HUGS))

[SydneynDeansMum]

I am sorry you are dealing with hearing something like that from your Dad, you must have felt awful! I have a similiar situation, well mine may be a bit more blatent but long story short I haven't spoken to my Mother in almost a year because she treats my DD VERY diffrently than my niece and my younger brother muuuuch differently than me. SO I decided that I couldn't expose Sydney to it, my Mother will never change her ways so I stopped calling her and she did the same.... very strange story, I know but your situation made me think of my own. I wouldn't suggest you do the same, I really should have confronted my mother and I will at some point, I am working on a VERY long email but you should say something that is sooo wrong on every level for your dad to say that and obviously it hurt you so even if you aren't his favorite don't sell yourself short you should get an apology at the least.