[foxfire_ga79]

Hello ladies! Happy Easter weekend.
I don't know if I'm dealing with secondary infertility officially in the medical sense, but I'm having a hard time.
To start, I've been pregnant 5 times. I lost 2, but none-the-less all 5 pregnancies happened on cycle one. As if without a care in the world.
Technically I'm still in my 2ww this, my 2nd cycle, but I don't have a good feeling about it and have had several BFN's including today, and I think I'm 13DPO. (And DS#1's magic 8 ball says I'm not pregnant and AF will be here Tuesday. haha )
My general physician did some blood work on me Wednesday and I should get the results Monday. Yesterday we took some of DH's troopers to the hospital lab. When AF arrives my OBGYN wants to schedule a progesterone test for I think CD21.
DH says we'll keep trying, everyone tells me to relax and let it happen, and I'm still just so scared. I can't stop worrying and thinking about it, I can't relax, and I can't stop myself from crying. How am I supposed to feel after getting pregnant so easily and suddenly nothing? I don't know what to tell myself for consolation. Everybody says as soon as I give up I'll end up pregnant, that as long as I'm trying it won't happen. 1st of all that makes no sense, but just HOW am I supposed to give up? I want a 4th child. It's always going to be at the back of my mind.
What has worked for you ladies?
I hope you all enjoy your holiday weekend. Or, your regular weekend if it's not your holiday.
Take care!

[MamaAnna]

This board is what helped me. Otherwise I probably would've just given up and never pursued the help that I needed. We can let it all out here and get the support that we really need.

[MountainMomma]

Talking to other ladies who knew what I was going through is what has helped me.

[Vicki...]

Ditto to what the other gals said, these girls are wonderfully supportive and i always felt like I could tell them anything without being judged or the insensitive remarks that some people say, I honestly feel that having people who understand helps, and for me prayer helped allot, we had our church pray that we would be blessed with another miracle. Good luck on your journey, and you are right, there is never a time that you can just give up, we were on a ttc break last month, and I still thought about ttc everyday, there's just nothing that can take away the obsession!

[~InHisHands~]

The Lord is where I get my strength! There is ABSOLUTELY no way in the world I could do this alone... like I have said before I would be so DONE if it weren't for knowing that I am in Jesus' hand & HE is taking care of me & giving me the strength to go on. I truly believe that I WILL have another... I'm just waiting on Him! Honestly, I think secondary infertility is part of what brought me to him to begin with. I don't know the reason you are going through this but I do know that our Lord is good & uses circumstances to prosper us, not harm us... "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Having a support group like this is also a HUGE plus!!! When one of these girls gets a BFP it doesn't hurt as much since I know every lady here is like me! I don't think I'd survive on the TTC board or another board where the ladies can get pg in just a few cycles.

Oh, BTW, I can't stand when people say relax, stop trying, bla bla bla! Secondary Infertility is a real medical problem most often & relaxing alone won't help. I know they mean well b/c it is a fact that stress can affect your body but still... uuuugggggghhhh!

BTW Vicki... I've talked to my pastor about my church praying for us too... it'll happen probably on April 19th!

[Vicki...]

Amanda, that's so wonderful that your church is going to pray for you( are you going to the front and having the church elders pray over you will holy water), ours prayed for me in August, and I really feel that helped us greatly, It's amazing how much more reassured you will feel.

[~InHisHands~]

Not exactly but close... the way our church does it is you come up front & the entire church family comes up to the front & places their hands on you (healing hands) & prays for you right then & there! Oh, & the pastor is going to tell the church family the specifics of what to pray for... our infertility so I really think that will make a big difference - that the church can pray for our specific needs & hopefully a lot of the church family will continue praying till we get our BFP - I know a few people have been praying for us for a few months now but soon we will have the ENTIRE church praying. I am soooooooo excited - I just can't tell you!!!!

[foxfire_ga79]

Good afternoon ladies. I am glad I have this board to come to. I already feel like family.

I hadn't really given serious thought of asking the church to pray for me. A few people are praying for us. I'm still kind of not back where I need to be with God at the moment. But even if half-heartedly for now, I've been back to church these past few weeks.

I hope everyone is having a good Easter. Really nice weather here, the other kids are playing in the creek. Where I don't have to see or hear them! (Until they come back and get the entire house wet and muddy. *Sigh*)

Take care!

[~InHisHands~]

Originally Posted by foxfire_ga79

I'm still kind of not back where I need to be with God at the moment. But even if half-heartedly for now, I've been back to church these past few weeks.

I was in the same place when I first started TTC. I even broke down crying wondering if this was God's punishment & thinking that he didn't love me. It's tough to be there. Every time I walked in a church I wanted to cry but I have since found the Lord & am so grateful that he loves me enough to grab hold of my heart & NOT let go till I finally submitted to him! I do finally have a deep sense of peace about my situation... I know the Lord is taking care of me & loves me with all his heart.

You know if you ever want/need help finding your way, we would love to have you on the Christian Parenting board. I think you could get a lot of support there if you wanted to. I'm the co-host there & Stephanie is a member (though she doesn't post often) so you'll be around a few people you already know.

Originally Posted by foxfire_ga79

I hope everyone is having a good Easter. Really nice weather here, the other kids are playing in the creek. Where I don't have to see or hear them! (Until they come back and get the entire house wet and muddy. *Sigh*)

We had a pretty good easter here! I worked in the nursary at church this morning & AF showed! Would rather she not show but it did help this coming cycle so it is kinda a blessing... I was slightly worried that an upcoming business trip my interfere with the tail end of my fertile period with the upcoming cycle but since AF showed early the predicted O date moved & now there won't be a problem. This last cycle we were NTNP b/c of a business trip *sigh* but this one... I should be infertile by the time DH's trip comes up! Woo-hoo!

BTW, DH is part German... his mom is German! You wouldn't really know it though other than looking at his heritage, i.e. he doesn't talk with an accent or anything. Actually we worked (we worked at the same company before I quit to become a SAHM) with a guy from Germany & if you put him & Mike next to each other... they have almost the same build. From behind they look almost identical.

[lmrnapa]

Hi! I'm so glad you shared your story here! This board has helped me a lot too-and I've only been visiting a few weeks!

I too "don't know if I'm dealing with secondary infertility officially in the medical sense, but I'm having a hard time." I have a soon to be 3 year old and miscarried last August. We got pregnant with both babies first time, no problem! We've been TTC again since October and my body is just not having it! I have been through the wringer with anxiety too-especially waiting the two weeks to take the test. My cycles are so irregular now though that I've been anywhere from 28 to 39 days! I've had insomnia and gone to acupuncture, changed my diet, all of it, just to help with the anxiety. I can tell you more tricks too, if you want.

The only thing I've found helpful when people say "stop trying, stop worrying, it'll happen when you least expect it" is now to finally come to some sort of acceptance that MY plans aren't going to go the way I expected them to and I just have to deal and be thankful for what I have-though it's been a long time coming to get here (and I'm still not totally believing myself even as I type!). My girlfriend who went through IVF 6 times before it took said her own timeline of feeling that she didn't have to worry anymore was the only thing that got her pregnant b/c by the time it worked on try #7, she was just going through the motions to get her partial refund from the company back!

Anyhow, as I said-so glad you wrote. You are definitely not alone and this board is a great forum to share and get some really helpful advice, but also comforting words from women who know! (especially when DH is tired of hearing it!).

Good luck!

Lauren

[foxfire_ga79]

I've been having a harder time than usual with my insomnia too. I have depression and anxiety so it's pretty much always been an issue, but now more than ever.
My cycles are usually 28-30 days because I *usually* O CD14-16. I did rhythm method off and on for 10 years so I thought I was pretty in tune with this. But this month I O'd late, I think on CD 19, and now, as if just to torment me, I'm on CD 34. I had a 35 day cycle once last year, but it was in a month where I had a major surgery. Other than that once I've never gone beyond CD 33. But since I'm actually TRYING, my body is being mean. haha.

My blood work from last Wednesday came back everything totally normal. I don't know when we'll be able to get the results for DH's SA. Watch that and my progesterone be normal, and all this is just in my head!

I don't know how long it will take me to be able to give up and quit trying so hard. I don't feel like this at the beginning of my cycles. I was hopeful all the way through O this cycle, but it's that last week or so in the 2ww that has me climbing the walls.

I am very grateful for the things I do have. And that makes me feel selfish for this now. Here I am upset at not being able to get pregnant when I've already got 3 children.

Well anyway, I'm starting to ramble. I really appreciate the support I've received here. You ladies are going to help make this journey more bearable for me.

Take care!

I've been having a harder time than usual with my insomnia too. I have depression and anxiety so it's pretty much always been an issue, but now more than ever.
My cycles are usually 28-30 days because I *usually* O CD14-16. I did rhythm method off and on for 10 years so I thought I was pretty in tune with this. But this month I O'd late, I think on CD 19, and now, as if just to torment me, I'm on CD 34. I had a 35 day cycle once last year, but it was in a month where I had a major surgery. Other than that once I've never gone beyond CD 33. But since I'm actually TRYING, my body is being mean. haha.

My blood work from last Wednesday came back everything totally normal. I don't know when we'll be able to get the results for DH's SA. Watch that and my progesterone be normal, and all this is just in my head!

I don't know how long it will take me to be able to give up and quit trying so hard. I don't feel like this at the beginning of my cycles. I was hopeful all the way through O this cycle, but it's that last week or so in the 2ww that has me climbing the walls.

I am very grateful for the things I do have. And that makes me feel selfish for this now. Here I am upset at not being able to get pregnant when I've already got 3 children.

Well anyway, I'm starting to ramble. I really appreciate the support I've received here. You ladies are going to help make this journey more bearable for me.

Take care!

[foxfire_ga79]

Originally Posted by ~InHisHands~

I was in the same place when I first started TTC. I even broke down crying wondering if this was God's punishment & thinking that he didn't love me. It's tough to be there. Every time I walked in a church I wanted to cry but I have since found the Lord & am so grateful that he loves me enough to grab hold of my heart & NOT let go till I finally submitted to him! I do finally have a deep sense of peace about my situation... I know the Lord is taking care of me & loves me with all his heart.

You know if you ever want/need help finding your way, we would love to have you on the Christian Parenting board. I think you could get a lot of support there if you wanted to. I'm the co-host there & Stephanie is a member (though she doesn't post often) so you'll be around a few people you already know.

We had a pretty good easter here! I worked in the nursary at church this morning & AF showed! Would rather she not show but it did help this coming cycle so it is kinda a blessing... I was slightly worried that an upcoming business trip my interfere with the tail end of my fertile period with the upcoming cycle but since AF showed early the predicted O date moved & now there won't be a problem. This last cycle we were NTNP b/c of a business trip *sigh* but this one... I should be infertile by the time DH's trip comes up! Woo-hoo!

BTW, DH is part German... his mom is German! You wouldn't really know it though other than looking at his heritage, i.e. he doesn't talk with an accent or anything. Actually we worked (we worked at the same company before I quit to become a SAHM) with a guy from Germany & if you put him & Mike next to each other... they have almost the same build. From behind they look almost identical.

I think God got sick of my whining and begging already, I got my BFP last night!!

[~InHisHands~]

Originally Posted by foxfire_ga79

I think God got sick of my whining and begging already, I got my BFP last night!!

No way! Really?! Oh, wow!!!! Congrats!!! Praise the Lord! I am so happy for you!!!

[MountainMomma]

Congrats on your BFP! When is your due date? Let me know so I can get you added to the Grads list.

[lmrnapa]

Congrats!!!

[foxfire_ga79]

Thanks ladies!
For now my due date is 12-15. But that's by LMP and I know I O'd at least 5 days late.
I went to the ER Wednesday night because of some lower right side pain that turned out to be a cyst, and the doc said my hCG was only 500, not what he would expect at 5 weeks. I had another quant drawn today but I can't find out the results until Monday.
The pain is gone though, and DH and I feel really optimistic that this baby will be fine, hCG levels be derned. lol
Hopefully Monday something will be visible on the U/S, we couldn't see anything Thursday. But, I'm not worried yet. I'm starting to feel more pregnant and surely that wouldn't happen unless my hormones were going somewhere.
I hope everyone is having a great weekend!
Baby dust to all! (And I'm pretty contagious. Once I'm pregnant, many many women near me end up pregnant too, usually not intentionally!)

[SavaAngel]

Congrats on your pregnancy.

I just wanted to tell you it doesn't get any easier. I am beginning month 17 - and I have a 2.5 year old son that we didn't try for. We weren't preventing, but it wasn't even a blip on our radar. So I know how very hard it is to get month after month of BFN's (I haven't had one BFP or even faint BFP in a year and a half). Everything is on our side and all of the tests thus far are normal. I am supposed to have a HSG in a few days (providing our insurance gets straightened out) so we will see what comes from that.

Be very thankful it only took you 2 months! Congrats again. Happy and Healthy 9 months to you.

Congrats on your pregnancy.

I just wanted to tell you it doesn't get any easier. I am beginning month 17 - and I have a 2.5 year old son that we didn't try for. We weren't preventing, but it wasn't even a blip on our radar. So I know how very hard it is to get month after month of BFN's (I haven't had one BFP or even faint BFP in a year and a half). Everything is on our side and all of the tests thus far are normal. I am supposed to have a HSG in a few days (providing our insurance gets straightened out) so we will see what comes from that.

Be very thankful it only took you 2 months! Congrats again. Happy and Healthy 9 months to you.