[BornAgainRenee]

I saw this over in the June ddc and I thought I would post it here. Actually kinda making it my own, not a direct copy!! LOL

Do you have any controversial parenting decisions that you either practice now or will practice once baby comes? No bashing, just different opinions please!
For example:
Babies
home birthing
cloth diapering
formula feeding
non vaccinating
co-sleeping
baby-wearing
circumcision
baby ear piercing

Children to teens
home schooling
courting not dating
ect....

We tend to be slightly controversial! Especially with family.

We breastfeed, no circumcision, co-sleep, we vaccinate, will baby wear unless baby doesn't like it, we don't do the cry it out method until the baby is around a year. We are a christian family which tends to bring on controversy. We are a homeschooling family, and our teenagers will adhere to courting, until they are old enough to move out and take charge of their own lives, my 14yo girls can wear makeup but I decide if its appropriate, no black eyeliner and electric blue shadow, natural is the key. I also expect the kids to adhere to the rules of our home until they move out, even if they get old enough to have a job and pay rent, they will still follow the rules of our home.

[MountainMomma]

Some of my parenting decisions are controversial to one side, and some to the other.

I co-sleep, circumsize, delayed vaccinate, and in the past I've used disposable diapers and both bottle and breast fed. The next time around, I plan to have a home birth, hopefully pump and bottle feed breast milk (though I may have to formula feed because of my breast reduction) I'll co sleep, wear baby, no CIO here.

I would really like to home school, but I'm not sure that it will be a feasible option. My Sierra is just now allowed to put on a tiny bit of pink eyeshadow and lipgloss (some of her classmates are wearing full makeup). As for courting vs. dating..... I am still undecided. I think we will lean towards courting though.

[SavaAngel]

With AJ we breastfed with occasional formula supplements starting at 2 months (once a week and then once a day after 6 months). AJ slept beside my bed for the first 3 months - would have co-slept, but DH is uncomfortable with it. Circ'd & Vax'd. Some baby wearing and cloth diapering. Also did CIO when he was older.

I would like to home birth, but that is highly unlikely - DH is uncomfortable with it cause I had some hemorrhaging after I had AJ. Other than that - pretty much the same except CDing from almost day one!

[~InHisHands~]

Lets see...

We're a Christian, or should I say, Christ-following family as well! Would NEVER home birth (too scared of the worst happening)... hospital for me, please! Would love to have a VBAC though but dr won't so not gonna be able to! I didn't cloth diaper or breastfeed Austin but I would like to try both with the next baby though I have absolutely nothing against formula or sposies! Actually, honestly, I want to cloth diaper for the health reason & environmental reasons, some are money reasons too. I will admit though that I don't think cloth is that cute. I think there is nothing sweeter than a baby in a pretty white sposie! So I think when we do cloth diaper, I'm going to stick with mostly white though I will throw a little color in just to play with it a bit.

We vaccinate though we don't get the seasonal flu shots. No co-sleeping. I won't allow it plus even if I would it could be dangerous IMO with our dogs around. The dogs wouldn't purposely hurt the baby but they can get hyper & might walk on the baby accidentally. And these are 40+ lb dogs (lab mixes). Though we will have a bassinet or cradle for the first few months in our room beside the bed.

I would love to try baby wearing! We homeschool... this is our first year actually! I don't have a girl but if I did I def think that make-up should be natural & I would have a HUGE say in the way she dressed! Austin's not so bad in the dressing dept though he tends to want to go everywhere looking frumpy & I always have to make him change! Most of the time his hair is horrible but if he wants to present himself that way... so be it... I'm tired of fighting with him to just comb his hair down. *sigh*

[~InHisHands~]

Ooooh, wanted to add (this might be a bit controversial)...
I am just itching for Austin to get a job & earn his own money... I want him to learn what it's like to work hard. Can children really work at 14 though? I've been considering that question. I know 15 is probably a good working age but is 14?

I also know a lot of people here who make their children buy their first car. I think that may be a little steep though I understand the principle & what they are trying to teach so I think we'll buy Austin's first car though it'll be a cheap car... $2000 max. But he'll have to pay for his own gas & part, if not all, of the insurance premiums.

[MotherFrog]

babies
home birthing - nope, re-peat c-section, although I had thought about it
cloth diapering - with the next one we are doing cloth, disposables are ok
formula feeding - nothing wrong with it. BF didn't go as planned so we had to supplement
non vaccinating - We get shots here!
co-sleeping - not all the time
baby-wearing - yup! As much as possible. Helped one of my boys with his colic!
circumcision - yup!
baby ear piercing - We haven't discussed baby ear piercing. The girls said they remember it hurting.

Children to teens
home schooling - possibly. Depends on how well they continue in public school.
courting not dating - chaperoned group dates!
make up - must be natural looking
clothing - We don't allow under pants to be seen, the only time it's ok to show your belly button is at the beach so no crop tops. I don't care to see my DD's cleavage, she has no reason to show it off. Shorts must come to closer to the knee and not the other direction. Boys must wear shirts at the table and in front on company.
language - If the pastor can say H and D, I don't mind the kids saying it as long as it's not a constant thing, I know my older 2 say the other cuss words but they've been warned. No ghetto talking junk! Bugs the crap out of me when they do that. On the computer, it's full words not the way kids type these days. I want to know what they are saying!

I don't like putting restrictions on my kids but there is a very fine line as to what they cannot do and they know it. We don't have too many complaints and I asked DD if we were strict and she said no, so and so's mom is worse. I guess that makes me feel better!

-- Amanda, I'll make you some really cute cloth diapers when the time comes hun!

[Mommy2Dakota]

Pretty much same as you Renee.
With D (and hope same with second) we breastfed upto aged 3, co-slept from a week old and still co-sleeping (wasn't planned. My D is very strong willed and would not sleep anywhere but under my arm! lol). Used a baby-sling until she was 7mths old because then she found it too constraining as she liked to change positions and we just went to carrying her. Hated strollers until closer age 2.

Circumcision - nope. Not done in this country.
Vaccinations. Yes.
Home birthing - Love to! Might...but bit scared of complications.
Cloth diapering - Should do, wanted to. Might do next time. Throw-aways are sooo easy though.
Formula feeding. Not against but prefer to give what nature/God intended. Its great that it is an option though if BF isn't possible.
Baby ear piercing. Looks cute but prefer it to be a birthday treat when they're older (like 10) and of own choice.

Children to teens. I like to think we will have very good communication and talk honestly and openly so will figure things out as we go. I believe outright bans/strictness can push children towards forbidden things so rather they understand for themselves why they mustn't do things.
Home schooling. Like to work in conjunction with regular education. Best of both worlds!
Courting not dating...hmm...bit far in future to think about!

Originally Posted by ~InHisHands~

Ooooh, wanted to add (this might be a bit controversial)...
I am just itching for Austin to get a job & earn his own money... I want him to learn what it's like to work hard. Can children really work at 14 though? I've been considering that question. I know 15 is probably a good working age but is 14?

I also know a lot of people here who make their children buy their first car. I think that may be a little steep though I understand the principle & what they are trying to teach so I think we'll buy Austin's first car though it'll be a cheap car... $2000 max. But he'll have to pay for his own gas & part, if not all, of the insurance premiums.

Thats pretty much how it is HERE in the U.K. Parents don't buy their children cars (unless very wealthy parents) and usually the teen will have to buy it themselves, a cheap 2nd hand one. The parent may help with teaching to drive. I had to save up myself and do it all myself so didn't learn to drive until I was 25. But then our cars are not automatics...

As for work. My mum would pay us (my sis and I) for chores and that was our pocket money (so not free hand-out) and then when about 12-14 it would be a newspaper-round job to supplement the chore-money. At about 15-16 got a Saturday job. Not sure what its like where you are? You might find alot of places can't legally take him on at 14 or you may find a little job that pays cash, or send him to do jobs for the elderly like gardening and shopping?

[BornAgainRenee]

I wondered about the baby ear piercing because I always wanted to but my ex dh was totally against it so I never did it. I might consider it because I know I will be the one to take care of it and I believe it will go much better when she is little. Both my girls got theirs done at 4, it was what they asked for, for their birthday. So I took them and it worked out fine. The only problem I have is that my oldest daughter seems to be allergic to anything we put in her ears.

I guess I didn't talk about clothes. The girls have to wear for the most part modest tops, we have a saying here, if you go and brush you teeth and you can see cleavage then you need to change, so if I or my dh says go brush your teeth that means go and change your shirt. No skirts above the knee unless there is shorts underneath or leggins. They are not to wear anything that is lowride and shows underware. No belly shirts at all. The boys, no baggy pants, at least the but sagging kind, no offensive tshirts, they are not to go out or walk around the house without a shirt on, Im not to wierd about hair, as long as its groomed then its ok.

I have a little different outlook on jobs. I feel that their education is the most important thing, and that there is plenty (like the rest of their lives) of time for working. Ryan had his first job this year and he is 18. He wasn't thrilled about that. I base it on responsibility also, how much they show. Obviously Ryan didn't act responsible enough earlier on to have a job. Beckah on the other hand I will probably be more likely to ok a job around the age of 16.
As far as cars go, well that hasn't happened yet. Ryan has his permit and is driving but no car has come into question yet. Dh and I are thinking about getting a 4x4 and if we do Ryan will more then likely drive that or the truck that dh drive, unless its bad weather then Ryan will be homebound and dh will get the 4x4.

Like I said we are a christian home, and I know this is controversial amongst christians, but I am very bold with my kids. If they ask me a question about something, drugs, alcohol, sex, anything like that, I will be honest with them. I know they can go and find out from friends or online, and you never know what kind of junk they will be told. I also think it helps keep us honest with each other. If they know Im not going to lie to them or blow them off, they are more likely to talk to me. I have found that true with both of my teenagers.

[Mommy2Dakota]

That sounds perfectly reasonable! I haven't experience with teens to have any plans yet. I think alot comes with time and knowing your own child.

I just try to remember what it was like for me growing up so I try to take the positive parts of my upbringing, add bits that I had wished for and cut out the negative things. I have tried to have a much closer bond to my daughter than my mother ever had with me (and I think we do).
I kept a pregnancy diary to pass on one day and because of my ttc struggles it has kind of developed into a useful-tips-diary too (like about charting and knowing your cycles). As a young-teen I already knew I didn't want children until married and didn't want to be one of these 'young mums' that gets pregnant at 16. Therefore my advice to most young people has been to travel and live first. I met my hub at age 19 but we travelled Europe, Canada and some of the U.S before deciding to have children 6yrs later. However have to confess I now wonder, with my ttc troubles, if mayhap things would have been better had we had our family earlier. Sounds controversal for sure but now i don't know what to tell my daughter. I don't want her to get to my age with inherited fertility issues?

[~InHisHands~]

Originally Posted by MotherFrog

-- Amanda, I'll make you some really cute cloth diapers when the time comes hun!

Would you?!?!?! That would be very sweet of you & I would LOVE that!

Originally Posted by Mommy2Dakota

Thats pretty much how it is HERE in the U.K. Parents don't buy their children cars (unless very wealthy parents) and usually the teen will have to buy it themselves, a cheap 2nd hand one. The parent may help with teaching to drive. I had to save up myself and do it all myself so didn't learn to drive until I was 25. But then our cars are not automatics...

As for work. My mum would pay us (my sis and I) for chores and that was our pocket money (so not free hand-out) and then when about 12-14 it would be a newspaper-round job to supplement the chore-money. At about 15-16 got a Saturday job. Not sure what its like where you are? You might find alot of places can't legally take him on at 14 or you may find a little job that pays cash, or send him to do jobs for the elderly like gardening and shopping?

Really??? Over here in the US I think the majority of the parents actually buy their children their first cars & usually it'd be a nice brand new car at that. That's ridiculous IMO. Children mistreat their car so much. Both my sis & I & everyone I knew growing up did. You appreciate it more really if you buy it.

It's funny how different different countries are!

I know that children CAN work at 14 but I'm still trying to decide how I feel about that, kwim? I mean I want him to have a job but I also don't want to push one on him too early either. As far as doing things for neighbors or such... I wish. We don't know anybody much to do things like that for where we live & sometimes we do pay him for chores but for the most part he really doesn't deserve to be paid b/c he ALWAYS does a job half-way & we have to stay on him to do THAT! I just wish he were more responsible!

Originally Posted by BornAgainRenee

Im not to wierd about hair, as long as its groomed then its ok.

Austin's isn't groomed properly half the time! And he doesn't wash his hair properly. I can't tell you the times that we have walked in to get his hair cut that the hair dresser has told him, "Honey, you really need to do a better job washing your hair". It can be quite embarrassing for me. I can't stand it but it is a never ending battle over here & there comes a point when he just has to take some responsibility for himself, ya know. I have thought about making him let me wash it before we get it cut but too... I can't be there to protect him all the time. I really wish he would feel some embarrassment when someone tells him that but he doesn't! He doesn't care!

Edited to add... I have seriously considered having his head shaved or like a crew cut or something (if he's not going to take care of it, we'll just chop it off & be done with it) b/c of this but I still have not been able to bring myself to do it.

Originally Posted by BornAgainRenee

I have a little different outlook on jobs. I feel that their education is the most important thing, and that there is plenty (like the rest of their lives) of time for working. Ryan had his first job this year and he is 18. He wasn't thrilled about that. I base it on responsibility also, how much they show. Obviously Ryan didn't act responsible enough earlier on to have a job. Beckah on the other hand I will probably be more likely to ok a job around the age of 16.
As far as cars go, well that hasn't happened yet. Ryan has his permit and is driving but no car has come into question yet. Dh and I are thinking about getting a 4x4 and if we do Ryan will more then likely drive that or the truck that dh drive, unless its bad weather then Ryan will be homebound and dh will get the 4x4.

I 100% agree... education IS THE most important thing. That's one of the most wonderful things about homeschooling though... we can tailor his education AROUND him working. If he were in public school I wouldn't even allow him to get a job while still in school... PERIOD, END OF DISCUSSION! But the flexibility that homeschooling allows is making me re-consider this & will allow more room for him to have a job! See, Austin lacks responsibility BIG TIME & I want him to learn some so I'm hoping he does with a job. Maybe he'll work better/harder for someone besides "mom". He also keeps saying that he isn't going to college & that he is going to move in with MY MOM when he gets 18 (I'm sure he thinks he is going to free-load off her ). Anyway, I really want him to experience the real world while still at home with me so that he'll realize just how hard it is going to be without a college education. IDK though, Renee, since you posted that your children have to be responsible enough to get a job in your house... maybe I should just take that into consideration. What I really need to do is pray & ask God then do what He tells me to do, huh?

[MountainMomma]

Renee, I am like you. Very bold with my children and have been since pretty early on. Sierra watched TLC and Discovery Healthy with me from very early on, and was 3 when I was extremely pregnant and a cashier asked her if the stork was bringing her a brother or sister. She quickly told them that I was going to the doctor and that he would take the baby out of my butt.

I am still that way today. Sierra is getting closer and closer to the age where sex is going to be an issue, and I know that her friends already talk about it. *shudder* I am very honest with her when she has questions. I just don't want her to end up in the same position I was in....pregnant...17 years old and feeling forced into a marriage with someone I didn't want to be dating, let alone marrying. *shudder*

We have to fight with her constantly over clothing. She tried to wear belly shirts, low rise pants, or entirely too tight pants. We have to make her change constantly. She doesn't like it, but it's the rules.

As for a job, I won't let her have one until 16. I honestly prefer to make her wait until 18 though. I plan to buy her a cheap 2nd hand car when she turns 15 (you can get a school permit that allows you to drive alone to and from school here at 15) and she will have to do chores around the house to earn gas money. If she doesn't have money....she'll be on the bus. I wasn't given a car. I had to buy my own, and was 20 before that happened, but she is extremely active in several different events, so I will be getting her the car for completely selfish reasons. lol

[Mommy2Dakota]

lol, Amanda, sounds like you got some thinking to do! But you know...either way (job or no) it will be OK.
My sis and I...we are very different. She was the pretty one, me the wild one. She wanted to grow up fast. I wanted to be like Peter Pan and stay a child forever!
I cherished my childhood. I didn't want to grow up fast. I loved sitting around watching cartoons right into my teens.
My sisters independancy caused alot of arguments and she would stay out late and have my mum really worried. At 14 she told lies about my mum so she could live with her boyfriend and family.
She had a reason though which we only found out recently (she was raped at age 12 by our mum's then boyfriend )

Anyway, I guess I'm saying God has a plan so I wouldn't push either way. Austin will be fine. He won't grow up lazy I am sure! I was nagged and told about my hygiene too! lol
Once he discovers girls there'll be a turn around!
I was 16 when i got a 2hr cleaning job, before going college, at my mum's place of work. I turned up in scruffy clothes with holes in my pants! Then I got a HUGE crush on one of the guys who worked there (several actually) and boy did I care about my appearence all of a sudden then!!! lol

[~InHisHands~]

Actually, Jo... you guys sound a lot like my sis & I. She was the more wild one who lied to my parents to spend the night with a boy, etc. I was the more studious one... always studying & trying to do good in school b/c my main goal was to be able to get a job & make money one day. She wanted to "live it up" & often did!

Thanks for the reassurance about Austin... I do need it sometimes!

[Mommy2Dakota]

lol, yeah. I was very good in school. So much so they used to sit the 'naughtier' children with me hoping I would rub off on them *roll eyes*.
But I've never felt fulfilled. I've never had a definite goal career-wise (just fads). I tend to be good at anything I turn my mind to but never 'brilliant' enough to say yes, thats where my talents are. Art is the closest thing but I never wanted to do art as a career. I only enjoy painting what I love and feel not what someone else wants me to do.
I just want a simple comfortable life with family. I'd like to be able to do more for the planet too. If I could I would build an eco-house using solar panels for energy and that.