[MamaAnna]

How is everybody doing? Anything new going on? Renee, how is your mom?

[Mommy2Dakota]

Hi! Feels weird being here? Seems so long!

Anyhoo..... I been going through something I can't even explain and I feel WONDERFUL!!!!

The other day a woman asked when I was having another child and I said? I said 'i can't have anymore'
it's weird but it was very liberating. Instead of saying 'i been trying and blah blah' sounding like a failure and getting all the usual comments it shut her up instantly and there is more to this story but I don't feel I can share...but ... I don't even know if I want a baby anymore? I have given up finally mentally (though not preventing) and I have felt so free at last of all the misery I been carried I feel different and then.....the most weirdest thing happened. Two days ago I got a MASS of ewcm. Like, I never had ever. Like it's true... All this time I been holding myself back. You truely are linked mind and body.
I can't say if it means anything, if my cycle would lengthen itself or if I should still use my last progesterone? I am uncertain now of being pregnant and so uncertain how to proceed.

[MountainMomma]

I totally understaind what you mean about how liberating it can be. I have gone from saying "we're trying....we hope to have another soon" to "we can't have any more. We don't know why, but we can't." I certainly don't get as many "Oh, well I know this person who knows a person who tried for years and couldn't get pregnant and now they have 1 bazillion kids!" type stories this way. And honestly, I feel much more relaxed and calm now than I have in YEARS. I mean.... I didn't realize how stressed 4 years of TTC had made me until I gave up!

It still hurts at times, but I honestly am starting to think that I just might be done done. I don't know.... my kids are much older than most everyone else's on here. This summer they will be 12 and 9. We are starting to have the freedom to come and go on our own more.... the kids are doing their thing, and we can have some alone time. It's kind of nice. I've done alot of praying about this and I always said "God, if I am not meant to have another baby, please take away the desire." I don't know if that is why, or if it's just natural with as long as we tried, but that "I HAVE TO HAVE ANOTHER BABY" obsessive, can think of nothing else part of my life is starting to fade. This week anyway! lol

[Mommy2Dakota]

YES! This week..or month or whatever!

I know these highs and lows vary but...we'll see. It does make it hard to come here though. Coming here is like stepping back into my old self and I dont want to do that.
The hurt is still there, like you say Steph, but now only if I go looking for it.

:-)

Heres to more inner peace!

[MamaAnna]

We still need occasional updates even if you aren't going to be TTC. We can't all chatter away for years and then everybody leave! That's just not fair.

[MountainMomma]

I'll definitely continue to come back and update. This place (JM in general and SI more specifically) has been my home, and my safe place for 3 years now. There is no way I can leave completely.

[SavaAngel]

Thought I would stop in. We passed the 2 year mark in January and it was quite depressing. Now with the NASA budget cuts, DH might be loosing his job. We don't know for sure yet.

I gave up temping and OPK's for Lent. It has been very relaxing and stress reducing. And actual, this cycle I went away the weekend of O - we DTD before I left and when I got back. AF is due this weekend, but I am feeling pretty good (and maybe pregnant though I haven't been pregnant in 5 years so I might not know what pregnant feels like anymore). I don't have any of the usual signs that AF is on her way, but I still have a few days to wait. Trying not to test, but I might break down with a $ store test tomorrow AM (at what I think might be 10 dpo). I have a couple blue dye equate tests I accidentally picked up and I also have 1 FRER that I will use if AF doesn't show by Saturday morning.

[MamaAnna]

I'm sorry you guys are under so much stress about his job. That can't be helping anything. By the way, AJ is so cute!