[wishfulgal]

Today was kind of a sad day for me. Why? Because I decided to retire the diaper bag I bought before my son was born. I don't need it any more. He's 18-months and far from potty-trained, but I realized it was kinda dumb to be hauling the whole big thing around when all I really need out of it is diapers and wipes...and it's really pretty rare that I need to use those when we're away from home for a couple of hours. I still had burp rags, diaper rash cream, and all of this baby stuff in there that he just doesn't need any more. So I bought a cute hobo bag at Target and combined the contents of my purse with a few diapers and a package of wipes so now I'll just have one bag to carry around.

I guess I should be glad that I don't need to carry a big ole diaper bag around anymore...but I'm not. I love watching my son grow up, become more independant, and do new things. It's the way it's supposed to be, and I wouldn't want it any other way. I just always thought I would be having another baby to fill my "baby hole" while I watch him grow up. But I'm not having one, and the truth is, it's unlikely that I will again...at least biologically or anytime in the next couple of years . And that absolutely breaks my heart.

My worst fear is the day he gets too big for his crib and we have to move him into the full-size bed in our guest bedroom. I never in a million years thought he would outgrow his crib before we had another baby to fill it, but he will. The sad thing is, we have the nursery set up in this open area (landing) at the top of our stairs, and we have nowhere to store the crib, rocker, and changing table. So every day we will just have to look at that empty crib and be sad that we don't have another baby to fill it .

Sorry to be such a downer. It's just really hard right now. I have more friends/relatives than I can count who are due to have babies in the next 5 months. A lot of them have kid's my son's age and I can't help but feel like it should be ME having a baby soon. I started trying before most of them. They will all probably be pregnant again before I ever am...it's just the hardest thing

[irishblessing]

*hugs* I know the feeling. I totally thought I would have another baby ready to go into my daughters crib. I don't even want to potty train her because all my cloth diapers will just be packed up and put away for who knows how long. It really does make things harder...

[MountainMomma]

(((hugs)))

I know how hard this is. Part of me doesn't even want to go to school because I realize that it just means even more time before I can have a baby. At this point my babies will both be teenagers before I am ever even pregnant. The thing is, even if I don't go to school, I am really afraid that I will never have another successful pregnancy, and going to school is the ONLY way I can ever afford IVF or adoption.

[~InHisHands~]