[wishfulgal]

People are (in general) less sensitive about secondary infertility than primary infertility?

I think they are. Granted, not a whole lot of people know at this point what we are dealing with, but from those who do know I get a lot of, "Well, you should just be thankful to have one child..." And I am. More and more every day. But DH and I have always dreamed of having a big family, and almost all of our friends/family have or are planning to have at least 4 kids. But somehow we are supposed to be the ones that have to be okay with just one?! I mean is it really selfish to want to give our son a sibling? I think it would be more selfish to be like, "Ugh. This parenting thing is a lot of work. Let's never do this again."

And there's DH's parents. They just do not "get" how we were able to get pregnant before and now we can't. Well, we don't really get it either, but either we conceived our son miraculously quickly (and even that took 6 months) with a super low sperm count or DH's count has dropped in the last 2 years b/c of his varicocele. Either way, I'm not pregnant and don't expect to be anytime soon. I don't see why this is so impossible to grasp.

And then in general, I think people are more sensitive to a childless couple. I mean if you're married several years before you have kids, eventually it might start to dawn on people that you are having trouble getting pregnant and they'll quit harrassing you about when you plan to have kids. But if you have one child and they just keep getting older and you never announce your next pregnancy, for some reason people assume it's your choice. After all, you have one kid, surely you can have another when ever the urge strikes, right?

*SIGH*

[MamaAnna]

Yeah I've definitely noticed that. They throw out really odd comments and advice, it seems like you're told to relax even more, accept what you have and what you can't have, etc. I don't think anybody that knows what we've gone through has any actual understanding even though they like to act like they do. They don't know what it's like to have had a baby or two and then suddenly need to go through testing to find out why more aren't on their way. They don't know what it's like to feel like you're letting your kids down not giving them the siblings they want, failing yourself not having that family you've always dreamed of. They just don't have a clue.

[mamatomaica]

i have to be honest, when we were trying for #1 i'd get upset at people trying for #2 or more and having trouble because they should just be thankful they have one right?! but now i know it works waaay differently to that! if your family isn't complete yet you're not going to feel that 'complete' feeling until you have the number that you want.

since having our first we've had non stop hints at when #2 will come along, which is pretty sucky when you know you can't just pop them out like some people can.

just lurking

[SavaAngel]

I know exactly how you feel. We began TTC #2 when AJ was about 1.5 and I took us 2 years and 2 months to get pregnant again (with every test coming up with nothing wrong). Drove us BONKERS! Well I swear it drove me more bonkers than it did DH, but that is just the type of people we are.

I am sure it is even harder when you know there is an issue and you can't fix it with a snap of your fingers. Did you DH have surgery? Are they going to try Clomid with him?

[wishfulgal]

Originally Posted by SavaAngel

I know exactly how you feel. We began TTC #2 when AJ was about 1.5 and I took us 2 years and 2 months to get pregnant again (with every test coming up with nothing wrong). Drove us BONKERS! Well I swear it drove me more bonkers than it did DH, but that is just the type of people we are.

I am sure it is even harder when you know there is an issue and you can't fix it with a snap of your fingers. Did you DH have surgery? Are they going to try Clomid with him?

DH's surgery is in 3 days So then it will be a waiting game for 3 months until his next SA to see if it helped. The urologist said nothing about Clomid, but if the surgery doesn't help at all we are going to ask about trying that.

I'm sure that unexplained infertility is really awful, too. At least we KNOW what is wrong, and although it really stinks to have a bad diagnosis, I think it would be just as hard to try month after month and never have a concrete reason as to why it isn't happening.

[~InHisHands~]

Yep... you know someone actually told me once, "At least you've experienced the miracle of childbirth once." Ugggggghhhhh!

[SavaAngel]

Best of luck to you and your DH with the surgery! I will keep you both in my T&P!

[MountainMomma]

I do feel this way. I get frustrated by it too. I mean, yes, I do have children, and I feel very blessed to have them. Matt loves my kids as if they were his own, but they aren't, and the fact is, he doesn't have any children. You would think that people would be a little more sympathetic because of that, but nope.

The really bad part is that it's strangers who are the most sympathetic. Family... both mine and his... are really harsh alot of times.