[OurSweetLabs]

I don't really share with a lot of people that we are having such are hard time with TTC #2 but when I do it always seems to backfire on me.

Only about 5 people IRL know how long we having been trying but honestly they are so insensitive that most that I wish they didn't know.

One of them suffered from infertility and took 2 rounds of IVF before she had triplets. Last week she several ladies at work were talking about birth control and she said that she told her Dr. while he was doing her C section that she wanted to smell the burn of her tubes. When everyone asked why she said " Well you know it's easy to get pregnant after you have your first child"



Another tells me that I should just stop trying, cause I am trying to hard and that then it will happen. I also get well you should just be happy with your DS from her alot.

[SavaAngel]

I got all of that too so I quit talking about it unless I was directly asked. I had one friend that I could really talk to about it and though she didn't understand it, she felt for me.

That said (and you won't like reading this - and if you don't want to, stop reading now), I did get pregnant this time when we kinda stopped trying so hard. For lent, one of the things we gave up was charting (temping and OPK's - I still marked when we DTD) and just went with it. We enjoyed our time together and said if we get pregnant, BONUS! My second cycle of lent, I knew when I was going to O and I planned a "Scrapbooking Retreat" with some friends for that weekend. DH and I DTD before I left and when I got home. I totally didn't expect anything to happen from it. Easter came and went and DH asked when I was supposed to get my period. I was just a few days away from her impending "arrival date" but I didn't have any of my normal LP symptoms of AF coming. I started testing 2 days before she was actually late. Used a FRER the day she was late and was SOOOOOOOO surprised. So sometimes it does happen when you don't try so hard.

[wishfulgal]

I get alot of that as well from people who do know. And for us, "relaxing" is probably not going to work, b/c DH's count is going to be low whether he is relaxed or not.

From people who don't know our situation, I am VERY tired of THE question. And people always say it teasingly, like, "You'd better hurry up and have another one.. *hehe*". Which makes me want to scream b/c:

a)BFing was the only form of birth control we ever used and we started trying when I weaned at 10 months old....it's not like we waited too long to start trying for #2 or something.

b)How, exactly are we supposed to hurry this up? Considering we've been trying for a year already, and my DH has a very low sperm count. Not sure what we are supposed to do to "hurry this up"

c) Gee, do you think it hasn't occured to us to try to have another baby? Do you think we are just too dumb to figure out on our own that our child is getting older, and that it's about time to have another one? Good grief.

Sorry for the vent . Most of my friends and aquaintances are so fertile that seriously, I don't think infertility even registers on their radar screen. And since we have a child already, they are even less likely to consider the possibility that maybe, just maybe, we are heartbroken that we aren't pregnant yet...and their words just make everything harder.
Even my friends who have dealt with infertility aren't always that sensitive about the subject. One friend (who doesn't know our situation) tried for over a year for her first before conceiving on Clomid and then had her 2nd when her first child was only 12 1/2 months old. And now she talks about babies like they are something you can just order up on Amazon and have delivered to your front door 9 months later. Sometimes I want to remind her how painful infertility was...but it's like now she's so busy with her 2 kids that she can't even remember.

One thing that this experience has taught me is to always be sensitive to others...you just never know what someone is going through.

[MamaAnna]

Some of our relatives know, but it isn't really talked about. They tried telling me to "relax" and stuff for awhile and eventually I just snapped and asked WHEN relaxing became a CURE for infertility and HOW I was supposed to relax knowing I was broken. Basically I flipped out on them. The really stupid part is since we managed to have a Clomid baby they keep telling us we need several methods of birth control. Umm, still infertile here! Having a baby does not cure PCOS and adenomyosis.

[MountainMomma]

I've gotten to the point that I don't even try to bite my tounge anymore. I tell people flat out that if they know how to get me pregnant, by all means, take this number and schedule an appointment to discuss this with my Reproductive Endocrinoligist. After all, 1 year of relaxing, 1 year of actively trying and now 2 years of TTCMA haven't gotten us anywhere. Usually pointing out that even with a doctors assistance we can't have a successful pregnancy shuts them up.

That or as harsh as it sounds, I just say "I can get pregnant with no problem so I must be plenty relaxed. Please come back when you have suggestions on how to make my uterus cooperate so that I can STAY pregnant. That's where my problem is." That has NEVER failed to shut someone up.