[MountainMomma]

Yep, it certainly looks like I am OUT for this cycle. I know that I am not ACTIVELY trying or anything, but this really upsets me. Last cycle, AF showed up a few days early. I just went to the bathroom and SURPRISE....AF is here.....5 freaking days early. It's not full blown AF quite yet. Just heavy spotting. She'll be full blown tomorrow or the next day. I know that I ovulated last Sunday. I felt the ovulation cramps, had fertile CM, and it dried up the next day or two. How the heck am I supposed to get pregnant if my body is so stupid. This is ridiculous. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

[trying41more]

im sorry.. i keep wishing that it could just happen.. like a surprise.. like NTNP.. but then AF shows up and rains on our parade.. sheesh

[MountainMomma]

I guess part of why it really pisses me off is because I KNOW that I can't TTCwMA again for at least 5 more years. I wanted to be a young mommy, but at this rate, I'm gonna be a grandma before I'm ever a mom again!

(That's really not that unlikely either. I don't want it to happen, but if Sierra were to have a baby at the same age I did, I could be a grandma in 5 years. *gasp*)

[trying41more]

Well.. I know how you feel.. I want to be a young mom too.. I wanted to done having my babies before I was 30.. and i will be 28 in April.. and i still dont have a second baby.. but keep your head up.. and maybe something miraculous will happen.. maybe you could have twins.. or maybe you could get pregnant with out needing MA after this next baby.. just stay positive..we are all in the together.. and who says you can't have a baby later on.. shoot.. my aunt in California had her youngest when she was 46.. I mean.. more power to her.. and to anyone that wants to be over 35 or 40 and have a baby.. now when your 55 or 60 and want to have another baby.. then thats where it gets weird..

[MountainMomma]

so, I was really confused because I've been a little crampy all day, and nauseated, but no more spotting. I was actually starting to get hopeful to but then tonight the evil witch that lives inside of me who comes out just before AF arrives came out fighting. I guess the spotting was a fluke thing, but I am pretty sure AF will be here right on schedule if not earlier. I'm considering going back on B.C.

I'll be honest..... I don't like B.C. at all. I feel like I am completely going against my nature by taking them. I really hate it, but things aren't great here right now. There have been a couple vicious screaming matches lately....tonight being the most recent, and I am just not sure how this is going to play out. Between the home environment, the working two jobs, the being in school full time..... idk. It's alot of stress right now, and I am worried that the stress a pregnancy would add right now would be too much. Not to mention that I wouldn't want to bring a baby into this much stress either. I know that some couples say infertility brought them closer, but ****, it's tearing us apart. I don't know that we are going to survive this, and it really sucks.

Sorry I rambled on there. I guess I just needed to vent.