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Forum: Secondary Fertility Issues

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  #1  
March 31st, 2011, 11:24 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,017
Hello...I'm not sure if I would be welcome here, as I haven't been diagnosed by any doctor with secondary infertility, but I really believe that is what my husband and I are dealing with.
My name is Amy and I'm 33. My husband, Steve, turns 48 in a week. My first born, Ben, was conceived the first month of "not trying not preventing" with actually only 1 night of DTD in that month (I was out of town working almost the entire month). My second born, Nate, was conceived int he first month of trying. We weren't using OPK's, but i knew my fertility window. We only DTD once in that window. In other words, both ridiculously easy to conceive...

Here is the "background" on why I feel like I belong on this page:


I started out thinking I wanted to "try for a girl" for my husband's sake (I've always been a little afraid of having a girl, but my husband wanted one desperately). I always dreamed (since highschool) I'd have four boys.

Anyway, we had an unexpected pregnancy in July '09 (about 6months before we wanted to start trying for #3), that ended in a miscarriage. From Dec '09 until August 2010 we NTNP, but we did skip 2 months. Since August we've been charting and actively trying, to no avail. We are 99% sure we had a chemical in October 2010, but it was never confirmed by my doctor who said there was no need to see me because even though it sounded like it my body was taking care of it by itself.

My last contact with my doctor was after my cycle started in January. His office usually will see you over the age of 30 IF you have one or more previous children and have been trying for 6 months+. He did not want to see me because he said from Dec. 09 to Aug.' 10 didn't "count" in that 6 month count since we weren't charting/using OPK's. He then went on to say that since I have two perfect boys he'd rather see me at my annual (I go in July) and we'll discuss it more then. Also, he said the fact that my cycle is very regular makes him believe there is nothing wrong with my fertility status (my own research tells me just because your cycle is regular doens't mean your fertility status hasn't changed).

I have had 9 cycles since August 1st (I have a short cycle). This month I am set to ovulate in the next few days, and then again around April 30th.

I am completely discouraged, and some months outright depressed over this. NO ONE seems to understand my upset either. Everyone says, "You have two kids, why do you need more?" or "It will happen when it's supposed to." or "You are thinking about it too much you just need to relax and it'll happen." The one I hate the most is, "You guys should go out and get drunk...that'll get you pregnant."

I was hoping maybe you all wouldn't mind another lady joining you. I really need to know there are others out there that understand this frustration...and saddness...and all the other emotions that go along with this!
__________________
“Before you were conceived, I wanted you...
Before you were born, I loved you...
Before you were here an hour, I would die for you...
This is the miracle of love.” -Maureen Mansfield


(6), (3) and a due Dec. 25, 2011 and one up above and forever in our hearts.




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  #2  
March 31st, 2011, 11:57 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,017
PS. I will understand and not be upset if you would rather I wait to join since I am not diagnosed by a doctor and already have two children. I don't know for sure how this board works. My doctor said he'll send Steve for a semenalysis if we aren't pregnant by the end of this month...because it will have been 11 straight cycles of charting and active trying. He will not look into my fertility status until July (13 cycles by then).

I don't understand exactly why he discounts our miscarriage and then the six months of NTNP. He tells me why, but I don't agree that it should matter that we took 2 months "off" from trying or that I didn't chart back then, since I did know my fertility windows.
__________________
“Before you were conceived, I wanted you...
Before you were born, I loved you...
Before you were here an hour, I would die for you...
This is the miracle of love.” -Maureen Mansfield


(6), (3) and a due Dec. 25, 2011 and one up above and forever in our hearts.




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  #3  
March 31st, 2011, 12:57 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 4,767
Welcome! IMO you are perfectly welcome to join Of course I am fairly new to posting here too. Like you I have not officially been diagnosed as having fertility issues. I have one 2-year old DS who was conceived on our second month of NTNP. However, we have now been actively trying for #2 for 10 cycles with no luck. I have very regular cycles, charting and CBEFM appear to indicate that I am ovulating, and our BD timing has been perfect for month after month after month. If I don't get a BFP this cycle then I am officially ready to get some help, but DH is skittish about the whole idea of MA. So our current agreement is to wait until we get back from our vacation in early June. That will be right around the time my 12th cycle TTC will end. If we do not get a BFP by then, then we will start all the fertility testing.
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  #4  
March 31st, 2011, 01:28 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,017
Hi and thank you. I am sorry you are going through all this frustration as well! It is just so AWFUL and no one (unless they've been through it) seems to understand. I didn't try a CBEFM, but one of my pregnancy tests (a FRER) came with a free FR test that measured something right at the start of my cycle that came back in the "normal/fertile" range...something about FSH or something? I don't remember, I took it several months ago.

What is "MA"?

My husband just agreed about 6 weeks ago that he'd go for the semenalysis (took my doctor saying to start with him and several books I've read to say it too). I think he is afraid it'll be him and not "fixable" because he's already said he won't adopt or consider donor sperm if it came to that. BUT, he also belongs to the school of "we got pregnant twice before, so it'll happen again if we just keep trying." Denial right there...or fear I guess.

I hope you get your BFP before June!!!!
__________________
“Before you were conceived, I wanted you...
Before you were born, I loved you...
Before you were here an hour, I would die for you...
This is the miracle of love.” -Maureen Mansfield


(6), (3) and a due Dec. 25, 2011 and one up above and forever in our hearts.




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  #5  
March 31st, 2011, 03:05 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 4,767
MA stand for Medical Assistance. I took the free fertility test that came with the FRER too and mine was normal as well. After all, I have a whole collection of things piling up. Can't seem to restrain myself from testing each month. Not sure I put much stock in it but at the time it did make me feel a bit better

My DH says the same thing. "It was so easy to conceive Jack. It will happen again when the timing is right." Denial all the way. I don't think he realizes that this whole process is so hard on me.
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  #6  
March 31st, 2011, 05:24 PM
OurSweetLabs's Avatar I LOVE My Boys!!
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 11,014
Welcome Amy

We are so glad to have you join us ( although very sorry you have to join us ). I can't wait to get to know you.

I am Donna, 27, mom to David 3. I have been TTC since Jul/Aug 09 and had a loss in Feb. I have a luteal phase defect, but it took a year to make my doctor realize that there was something wrong. I hope that you are able to get your BFP soon.
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Donna - Mom to David and Asher

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  #7  
March 31st, 2011, 05:45 PM
Just_Marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 28,173
Welcome and I'm glad you found this board. I hope you get a nice sticky bfp soon!
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Lucky mother to five!





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  #8  
March 31st, 2011, 06:01 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Seymour, TN
Posts: 920
I am newer to the board as well, but welcome I think that unless you are going through or have gone through any sort of difficulty conceiving, you will not understand the frustration and heartache of not having your BFP. I'm Cassandra, and my husband and I have been TTC #2 since July 2010. We have a healthy 5 yr old son who was conceived easily, and have had no luck since last yr. I am not having normal cycles, and likely have PCOS. But I am confident that I, along with every else on the board, will get their BFP soon... although soon it a relative term
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  #9  
March 31st, 2011, 07:28 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,017
Hello all of you! I look forward to getting to know you all. I am sorry that we all have to "meet" under such a frustrating, heartbreaking scenario. Thank you all for being so welcoming. I truly need someplace to "go" where others get what I'm going through...I feel like you all will be a good fit. I've been so all over the map emotionally.

Joanna, I think you're right...our husbands can be in total denial and not "get" why this is so hard on us! I think they want to be understanding and sweet about it, but I just don't think they can grasp it when they're not the ones who have AF arrive month and flippin' month!
__________________
“Before you were conceived, I wanted you...
Before you were born, I loved you...
Before you were here an hour, I would die for you...
This is the miracle of love.” -Maureen Mansfield


(6), (3) and a due Dec. 25, 2011 and one up above and forever in our hearts.




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