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Are there any positives...?


Forum: Secondary Fertility Issues

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  #1  
April 20th, 2011, 06:08 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 3,699
Can you think of any positives to dealing with secondary infertility and/or not being able to add to your family at your "ideal" timing?

For me, I used to try to tell myself that at least we were really going to have plenty of time to enjoy Mason and all of his baby stages before having another baby. But at this point, if I don't get/stay pregnant soon, it's just going to be a ridiculously big age gap with Mason being the lonely only child for waaay too long.

I would say if there is any positive at this point it is that I am a much more sensitive person. I have been through heck in the last 18 months and some of the people I love and trust the most have said some of the dumbest/most unhelpful things. I am EXTREMELY sensitive about all things fertility related (and hopefully other struggles as well). I will never ask anyone when they are going to have a baby/another baby again. I would never want to put anyone through any of the grief I have been through.
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  #2  
April 20th, 2011, 07:22 PM
OurSweetLabs's Avatar I LOVE My Boys!!
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 11,014
Like you I have MUCH more understanding of fertility issues and have become more open about my struggles.

And I know this sounds silly but I am not taking things forgranted. I know that this may never happen again
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  #3  
April 20th, 2011, 07:50 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 419
For me, there are two things that have been blessings about not being able to conceive right away. The first is that I had severe hyperemesis with my pregnancies, to the point that I couldn't take care of my kids and had to have help around the clock. So I am grateful for the extra time I have had with Luke and Lily where I am fully present and focused on them. Lily is two and I think she will be able to handle my being sick a little easier now that she is older.

The second blessing is that this experience has really strengthened my faith. I was so angry with God when I miscarried, but time has given me more perspective and I am much more grounded and confident in my faith now than I was before. I will never be thankful that I miscarried, but I am thankful for the growth that I have experienced since. I think that I am a more compassionate friend and I know that I am much more careful what I say to ANYONE about having kids.
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  #4  
April 22nd, 2011, 06:19 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,017
I think having an understanding of what so many women go through, something I really could not understand before, is a Blessing in disguise.

Also, this journey has taught me to teasure even more my boys and watching them grow.

Finally, since I know #3 will be our last, it delayed it all "being over." If that makes any sense.

Oh, and I don't take anything for granted anymore...I have always seen any child as an amazing Blessing, but now I just have an even bigger feeling about that...like in my heart breaking month after month it somehow would be bigger each time it repaired itself and I was able to find hope again.
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  #5  
April 22nd, 2011, 03:59 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Seymour, TN
Posts: 910
I think dealing with secondary infertility has given me patience.... and also has allowed me to focus more on Gabriel, and truly appreciate the blessing that he is.
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  #6  
April 23rd, 2011, 07:01 AM
luvmykids623's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 13,408
My losses and secondary infertility have taught me to treasure every second of pregnancy and of my kids' lives, because nothing in life is guaranteed.
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