[Cheryl_W]

Hi ladies! My name is Cheryl. I was here on JM while TTC#1, and I hope I can find a home here now.

A lot of this is probably going to be , but allow me to introduce myself...

It took us 9 months of struggle to conceive DD... A short time compared to what many of you have struggled with, but we got lucky. I was completely annovulatory for those entire 9 months, only to be diagnosed with PCOS at the end. Our luck changed when the first round of Clomid brought us our beautiful baby girl. I am grateful every single day for her, and the fact that we didn't need more drastic measures to bring her into our lives.

Now, here I am again, still with PCOS, still annovulatory, and wanting to start trying for baby #2...

When we first decided to start trying again, the conversation went something like this:

Me - "Honey, don't freak out, but I want to talk about TTC again. I know that we will have to try for a minimum of 6 months before we can try Clomid again, and I know we were going to wait 6 months to start trying anyway... What if we just started our "waiting period" now, and if it happens naturally, that will be an amazing miracle?"

DH - "Well, I guess if you can get a contract that will help us pay for baby (I'm a marketing consultant) then we can get your IUD out and start the whole process."

12 hours later, I closed and signed said contract, and he agreed. I phoned the doc for an appointment, and of course she said something about waiting until I'm on my period... I just laughed at her. I have PCOS and I'm nursing. I don't have those. I have spontaneous, unpredictable, annovulatory bleeding. She says oh, well the doc can see you next week.

I wake up the next morning with what seems like it might actually be *gasp, shock* AF. I run over to the walk-in clinic to see if they can remove the IUD, since it is always easier when the witch shows her ugly face - cervix being more open and whatnot.

After an hour of waiting and listening to the doctors argue about who had to do it (I wish I was kidding), the one doc comes in and starts poking around. Then he starts asking questions. He doesn't see the strings...

Am I sure I got an IUD not something else? Uh, yeah. Thanks, but I'm sure.

When did I get it? 9-10 months ago.

Have I had one before? Yeah, and the strings went missing on that one too BUT the GYN did an u/s to confirm it was still there, and a week later he brought me in and removed it with the clamp. Easy as pie.

Poke. Poke. Pry.... Poke.

At this point I feel like I have a speculum somewhere in my eardrums, and he still can't find it.

He tells me he has gone as far into my cervix as he can without causing infection, and doesn't even see a sign of strings.

Crap.

Am I sure it's still there? Yeah...

Absolutely sure? Yes!

Crap.

So one x-ray later, I'm essentially awaiting an OB appointment to book my surgery and have the thing removed. Which means 6 weeks before I can have it removed, minimum, PLUS 2-3 months of other birth control because you can't TTC immediately after a D&C.

FML.

So that "well, lets start now so that I can try Clomid in six months, and we might get a miracle in the meantime!" has turned into "lets pry open my uterus to remove that darn copper thing in a month or two, then wait another 2-3 months, then start our six months of pointless TTC, THEN try Clomid.

FML hard.

I need support right now... I feel like a wreck. I mean, I know I've not even technically started but WHY? Baby #1 was hard enough not knowing why we couldn't get pregnant, but now we KNOW. We tried to PLAN our fertility treatments, only to have to put off those plans even longer. I'm so jaded already when it comes to TTC, I feel like just saying to hell with it, let the thing stay there forever and we'll just start adoption papers. I give. My body just doesn't want me to have babies.

I know, I know, you're all going through something far worse than what I am. Some of you have been trying for years, and it feels selfish to ask for your support. But last time we were TTC, we told our families. Everyone knew. After about 2 months of TTC, everyone was waiting for the big news. 6 months after that, the looks of anticipation changed to looks of pity. Everyone was careful not to talk about babies in front of us. They were walking on eggshells, looking at us like "that" couple. The one everybody feels sorry for.

I can't handle the pity this time, especially knowing it is going to be a long road. Even after this surgery, the 6 months of TTC probably won't bring us #2. When it doesn't, we don't know what Clomid will do this time. Will it work right away again? Will we end up faced with IVF? Will we be faced with adoption? We don't know, and we don't want our families to do our guessing for us. But I need *some* support. I need someone to vent to. I need someone who understands that secondary infertility hurts, too.

Yes, I have a beautiful baby girl. She is amazing, the light of my life. And I want her to have a little brother or sister. Knowing that *if* she can have that, it is going to be almost 2 years from now before I'm holding that little bundle... I can't go through this again.

Thanks for listening girls... I hope its okay that I'm here, even though I guess technically we're WTTC - we were supposed to be TTC right now. I even ordered a big batch of ICs. Now I'm going to cry when they get here. *sigh*...

[kayakr]

Okay Cheryl - you are in a complete panic. You are in a panic in anticiaption of the unknow and the pain of the last time TTC with PCOS and the other things you mentioned.

Now - I can completely understand your panic. I do/did the same thing every cycle - everytime. TTC is an emotional rollercoaster that you are already aware of and you are in a panic anticipating that emotional pain again. Totally normal.

Don't apologize cause it "only" took you 9 months and some of us it has been years. That doesn't matter and it doesn't change the pain of TTC. Your pain is valid and your situation is unique to you just like mine is to me. However, the pain and panic and excitement and let downs all hurt the same.

You get that surgery so you can start trying soon. The months will pass fast and you will be on your way to TTC. If Clomid worked for you once, it will work again.

Try not to panic!!! k?

Big HUGS!

[*Mommy2Remington*]

^^^^ Ditto on everything she said.

You have been though so much already and the feelings you have are completely normal.
I hope you can plan that surgery as soon as possible to get things moving. Just try to focus forward and keep positive thoughts in your head. TRY. I know its harder to do then said but thats all you can do.
BIG HUGS to you!!! Keep your chin up. We're all here for you whenever you need to vent, cry, talk.....

[Hopingfor1soon]

Hi Cheryl....I think I remember you from TTC#1 but Im not positive! I am new over here as well and know exactly how you are feeling as far as dreading the unknown. Tons of HUGS!!!

[Cheryl_W]

Wow, never thought this thread would still be on page 1! Not a very active board I guess.

Well I didn't end up needing surgery, went to my GP and he removed it in 20 seconds flat. Dumb clinic doctors...

ANYway, my first TTC cycle officially started August 18th, although I didn't have the IUD removed until about 8-10 days into that.

That cycle was 30 days, and I may have ovulated but FF doesn't think so.

The next cycle was 50 days. Annovulatory.

I'm currently on CD 45, annovulatory again. Getting crampy and crying lots, feeling nauseous, had a migraine, etc so I'm sure AF will show her ugly face any day now...

I knew this would happen. It isn't a surprise at all. 4 months of TTC, one *possible* egg.

I've just stopped thinking about it most of the time, questioning whether it is even right to try for a second. Maybe my body just isn't cut out for it? Knowing what a long road I have ahead, I'm refusing to even make plans for #2. We'll just see what happens.

This sucks.

[GSLynn]

Saw this.

HUGSS First thing. 2nd I would hope you can find a new doctor.

Maybe a change in protocol is all you need.

TTC#1 took 4 years lots of monitoring and finally!

TTC#2 I knew would take FOREVER so I used clomid/estrogen combo. 13 months even on that.

#3 never happened I had to go to IVF

#5 (#3 ended up #3 & 4) happened even though it was very late in my cycle and I should have had AF not ovulation. M/C. Ugh.

I gave up after that.

Entered Surrogacy.

Met IP's
Transfer #1 failed failed failed
Transfer #2 took, 2 sacs but one healthy baby...so we thought. She died from Trisomy 22-rare and most severe form of DS which is incompatible with life. Even if we had gone to the end, she would have been born stillborn.
New Family-Transfer resulted in one baby I had in July.

I started surrogacy in 2009. The first live surrogate baby was born in 2011. Even THEN it took me forever!

So, I feel your pain. I would definitely look into another protocol/doctor and go from there.

Maybe some look into PCOS and Metformin may not be a bad idea either.

[Marksgirl0502]

Wow, there isn't much activity on this board, is there?! Just thought I'd say 'hi' and you're not alone! I have four lovely kids and we've been trying for a fifth for 10 months. I'm Oing this week (I hope) so this month will be the 11th month. I'm hoping for a New Year's miracle! And it really doesn't make it any easier to have problems with fertility just because you already have one or more babies. I think it still hurts to go through the hope, and ups-and-downs, and waiting, and emotional roller coaster every month. My sis and I both have endometriosis, I was blessed to get 4 kids before mine got worse. She hasn't had any (other than miscarriages). She and I talk often, and she seems to understand that it's still hard for me to be in this place, even though I have kids and she doesn't. I'm sure it's harder for her, and others like her, but any time you're TTC and it's not working, it can be miserable! Not everyone understands that about secondary fertility issues. Every night when I peek at my kids before I go to bed, I am so overhwhelmed with how much I love them, and how blessed we are! I'd love to have another someday, and don't think I'll ever give up hope! Blessings, and hang in there!