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  #1  
August 27th, 2007, 08:54 AM
jdee0509's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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hey guys i need to let this out!!

i always thought after alexa I wouldnt want another baby because babies are soooooooooo much stress and work.

but im thinking later in life, like when im married and you know settled down, I probably will have another one. But the problem is I really dont want one with Keith, obviously because we're not together, I hate him and he is a bad father to one, so why would i want him to father another child? i would just end up hurting myself and my kids.

but i dont know how I feel about half-siblings. I would hate for my "future" husband to only treat his OWN child as his own, and leave out Alexa. I have seen a step-father do this. Be a complete jerk to his step-children, but treat his own child like gold.

plus the idea of half and step & everything gets complicated.

what are your views on this? do you think i could be setting up a bad life for alexa if i marry and have a child with someone besides her own dad?????????

and plus what if Keith does want to be involved in alexa's life....so then alexa will be going to her dads house to visit or whatever, while her younger brother/sister wont. this will probably confuse her and make her wonder why shes different.

agh maybe i should just stop looking into this, its making me think too much.
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  #2  
August 27th, 2007, 08:58 AM
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my older sister Tanya is my half sister.. and i never look at her like that..
anyone can be a father, but it takes a real man to be a daddy (i think thats how it goes lol)
my dad has raised my sister since she was 18 months old.. when she was 16 she went to look for her real dad.. and she found out the hard way WHY he was never allowed around her.. you can look at all 3 of us girls, and notice the difference between the looks, but we play on it like we don't know or see it.. becuase we love eachother just the same.. a lot of ppl worry about the way the step dad will act, and honestly.. it all depends on which man you marry or have a baby with.... my dad never once treated Tanya differently, we are all equal to him.. he loves her just like his own, he raised her just like he raised his own.. she calls him dad, and he real dad by his name.. my dad is grandpa to her kids, her real dad is nothing but a man shes friends with or talks to every now and then...

so i really think it all depends on the person you see yourself ending up with!!!
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  #4  
August 27th, 2007, 09:05 AM
beckii's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I can understand your concern BUT I don't think you'd get serious w/ someone that didn't treat Alexa like their own.. kwim? Although that could chance when you have another baby, I don't think it would if he's a nice guy! If you're going to wait until Alexa is older.. like, say 10? Then I think she'd understand and not be confused by it. If Keith continues to not be a big part of Alexa's life when you find this guy, then he could try and adopt her.. I'm not really sure how this works and if Keith has to give up his rights..

My mom's current boyfriend has 2 kids.. one is his own, the other isn't but he's been a part of her life since she was 3 months old. He doesn't treat either of them different, he doesn't favour "his" kid. But, the one who isn't his, has never even met her father so I guess that's what makes it different for you!

But anyway, I think that if you find a really good guy, and make sure he is the one before marrying him and having his child, that things will be ok for you! You're worrying too much, especially for something that hasn't even happened yet and I don't think you will ruin Alexa's life because as long as YOU love her and YOU take care of her.. she'll be fine
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  #5  
August 27th, 2007, 09:05 AM
briena's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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hey, steph is actually my half sister we have different fathers..but weve never seen each other as half sisters because we were raised together so were just sisters....as for alexa visiting her dad without her other siblings....i think that would be fine, her and her siblings would get along really well once she got back lol cuz they'd miss her.
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  #6  
August 27th, 2007, 09:06 AM
beckii's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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double post..
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  #7  
August 27th, 2007, 10:51 AM
Melanie.'s Avatar Totalimmortal
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No. I have half siblings and I feel the same for them as I do for my "real" sister. Evan is just as much my family as Heather. I have two younger half siblings that I love, but am not raised with, so I don't get to see them as much. They're as real to me as anything else.

I don't personally like my own stepfather, but he is a bad person to begin with. Find a good one and stick with him, then you'll have a good stepdad for Alexa.

She's a beautiful little baby, you and Keith did make a gorgeous child. She's probably the best thing he's ever done!
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  #9  
August 27th, 2007, 01:36 PM
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Thats normal to feel that way! I think you will decide once you get there what is best and what you want when you meet the right guy :0)

Some kids love going from one house to another, some hate it. I guess it just depends on the child and the enivoonment and what not!
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  #10  
August 27th, 2007, 01:52 PM
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i agree with alot of the ladies that it wont be a problem and that i cant see you getting serious with someone that doesnt accept alexa as there own.
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  #11  
August 27th, 2007, 05:22 PM
conley1988
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I have the same problem, times two. Jerry and Paul both have different fathers and I am yet single again. You really have to know the person before you can make a jugdement call like that. I would say see how he treats Alexa while you two are dating, and if you two do decide to have kids, make sure he knows Alexa is not be left out and prove it. Robert was the most wonderful person when it came to Paul but when Carlos showed up he acted totally different. He just acts like he cares when he isnt around, another reason why it is so easy to give him up.

The next guy I have I am going to date for a very long time before he even sees a pics of my boys!

My sister is my half sister but we never call her that. But what my mom did was when her dad would come get her we would do something fun, go to the park or something. Made us feel like he was watching her while we went and had fun!
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  #12  
August 27th, 2007, 05:57 PM
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I agree with the other ladies. Like you, I thought about the same things, and realized that Dontae needs someone who is real, and I'm sure as single mothers with dead beat fathers, we can see the difference if a man is good or a man is bad based on the characteristics that our ex's have been like.
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