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ugh so..am i mommy now?


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  #1  
August 31st, 2007, 11:03 AM
briena's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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steph just called again saying dakota is freaking out..she cant get her to stop..dakota doesnt want her bottle, her soother, doesnt want to be held or rocked or taken for a walk......she wants me so shes trying to get her home right away..this is exactly what i tried to avoid i try not to hold her too much because i dont want her to get too attatched but its hard not to cuz shes teething and already cranky enough..but i know as soon as she gets home and i pick her up she will be fine... steph never listens when i try to tell her exactly how dakota likes things done..and now look dakota doesnt know or want her and steph doesnt know what dakota wants or needs...... ahhhh......im not gonna be able to give her back without breaking her heart am i?
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  #2  
August 31st, 2007, 11:06 AM
Lacey.♥s.Lemons's Avatar Mommy March '05 & Feb '10
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Probably not hun. It's going to be hard.
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  #3  
August 31st, 2007, 11:09 AM
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Why can't Steph just stay at the house with her? I think it would be a smoother day for Dakota if she was in the enviroment that she knew and incase of situations like this when she is inconsolable you can help her.
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  #4  
August 31st, 2007, 11:09 AM
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Can you and Steph set up like daily dates or something, where you kinda wean Dakota off of you and on to Steph? That could work...
But if you can't then... Probably not
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  #5  
August 31st, 2007, 11:21 AM
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Quote:
Why can't Steph just stay at the house with her? I think it would be a smoother day for Dakota if she was in the enviroment that she knew and incase of situations like this when she is inconsolable you can help her.[/b]
steph lives in a teen shelter now and the staff all alreayd knew her from last time she lived there and they wanted to meet the baby......i didnt think dakota would be this bad because stephs seen her a few times this week and dakota wasnt bad with her at all..but this is really bad! i hate sitting here unable to help her when shes screaming with steph..i dont hae a ride down there

Quote:
Can you and Steph set up like daily dates or something, where you kinda wean Dakota off of you and on to Steph? That could work...
But if you can't then... Probably not [/b]
we might have to do that...ill have to get steph to put her to sleep a lot too. even if dakota has to cry it out with her

but steph is no longer allowed to spend the night at this house after the last time ..so she cant stay a full night with her..
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  #6  
August 31st, 2007, 11:27 AM
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Having her put her to sleep every few nights might be a good idea... And have Steph feed her, change her diapers... Go out with her... and you could join them, just to show Steph what to do
I hope it all works out in the end
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  #7  
August 31st, 2007, 11:48 AM
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Quote:
Having her put her to sleep every few nights might be a good idea... And have Steph feed her, change her diapers... Go out with her... and you could join them, just to show Steph what to do
I hope it all works out in the end[/b]

i try that now..when steph is here visiting neighbors i ask her to do certain things and she gets annoyed and asks why she has to do it or says shes too busy..maybe now that dakota isnt crying for her she will understand..
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  #9  
August 31st, 2007, 02:01 PM
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That stinks and teething really sucks :-(
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  #10  
August 31st, 2007, 02:23 PM
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I'm sorry. But the idea of going out w/ Steph is good.. I hope that she does realize that she's her mother sometime soon and starts to try a little bit more. When do you plan on giving Dakota back to Steph? Or is there a set time.. ?
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  #11  
August 31st, 2007, 05:08 PM
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Quote:
[trying or this to NOT sound mean]

Dakota is your neice... do you have custody? And is Steph her mom?


I'm still newer and just wondering... not being mean or anything


Wyatt was the same way when he was teething... it's draining, and wouldn't let anyone even look at him!


It gets better, I [almost] promise![/b]
yup shes my neice i have temporary custody..we havent handed in the paper yet but childrens aid already doesnt want steph seeing her without their permission and they dont want her unsupervised with dakota for any period of time at all unless they say its ok..

Quote:
I'm sorry. But the idea of going out w/ Steph is good.. I hope that she does realize that she's her mother sometime soon and starts to try a little bit more. When do you plan on giving Dakota back to Steph? Or is there a set time.. ?[/b]
i told her when she gets her act together and gets an apartment and stuff she can have her back..i dont want to raise two babies! if i had to i would i wouldnt let dakota get mixed up in the system but id rather her mommy take care of her..
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  #12  
September 1st, 2007, 04:39 AM
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sorry to include myself in your thread but reading this story really breaks my heart! I can't believe Steph doesn't care, maybe she's just overwhelmed and seeing that you can do everything better than her makes her not want to even try. Can't you help her and at the same time not leave her alone? It must be a very hard time in her life, I think you and your family should encourage her and not make her feel like she's the bad one who made a mistake and now can't even take her responsability for it. Doing it alone is NOT easy, expecially when you're 17 and have a history of depression! I had my daughter at 19 and if I had to make it ALL on my own (money, apartment etc) and i saw my sister being so good with my daughter I'd probably feel like I'm not good enough 'cause I can't provide for her and would probably leave her to my sis too, I'm saying this because I've been a little depressed after she was born and when someone would hold her and deal with her wether she was being good or bad I almost didn't want her back, i was just too tired and felt too overwhelmed by the whole situation. No one could keep her though and I'm very thankful for that because I realized I could be as tired and overwhelmed as I wanted but no one but me should or could have done that -wonderful- mommy job. Things got better in a matter of a few days, it just took a little time to adjust, but I had my family's support and I don't think things would have gotten ok as they are now if my family was pushing me so bad. If I was you, I'd let her back to our home and help her making her feel better about her life and dakota.
This post is not meant to criticize the way you're acting, I just wish my words and experience could help

ps) isn't there a way you could go and see a counselor? I mean, you and Steph or just Steph...
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  #13  
September 1st, 2007, 10:41 AM
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Quote:
sorry to include myself in your thread but reading this story really breaks my heart! I can't believe Steph doesn't care, maybe she's just overwhelmed and seeing that you can do everything better than her makes her not want to even try. Can't you help her and at the same time not leave her alone? It must be a very hard time in her life, I think you and your family should encourage her and not make her feel like she's the bad one who made a mistake and now can't even take her responsability for it. Doing it alone is NOT easy, expecially when you're 17 and have a history of depression! I had my daughter at 19 and if I had to make it ALL on my own (money, apartment etc) and i saw my sister being so good with my daughter I'd probably feel like I'm not good enough 'cause I can't provide for her and would probably leave her to my sis too, I'm saying this because I've been a little depressed after she was born and when someone would hold her and deal with her wether she was being good or bad I almost didn't want her back, i was just too tired and felt too overwhelmed by the whole situation. No one could keep her though and I'm very thankful for that because I realized I could be as tired and overwhelmed as I wanted but no one but me should or could have done that -wonderful- mommy job. Things got better in a matter of a few days, it just took a little time to adjust, but I had my family's support and I don't think things would have gotten ok as they are now if my family was pushing me so bad. If I was you, I'd let her back to our home and help her making her feel better about her life and dakota.
This post is not meant to criticize the way you're acting, I just wish my words and experience could help

ps) isn't there a way you could go and see a counselor? I mean, you and Steph or just Steph...[/b]

hey, i give steph tons of opportunitys. when she feels like comeing around i try to give her dakota and she is always giving her back. i dont even interfere when steph has her because shes stephs daughter not mine. we let her spend the night last week and i told her to take dakota for the night and sleep up in her room iwth her. she agreed to. well she spent the night in my basement wtih the guy that lives down tehre and left the baby up in her room..two floors up. by herself. i heard dakota cry 5 times during the night..each time i woke steph up and said your daughter is crying. steph came up once and i thought she stayed up so i went back to bed...turns out when dakota cried at 8 in the morning it was my mom that got up and fed her because steph had gone back down to the basement. even when she did have dakota she was calling me almost every other day to babysit because she had plans like drinking or hanging out with guys or going out all night. shes glad im good with dakota because now she doesnt have to worry about the responsibility. shes never been responsible. she never once asks why dakota doesnt cry for her she even thinks its cute that dakota cries for me..she just doesnt get it..she has a lot of mental issues that she had before getting pregnant..not depression....but shes just not and might not ever be mature enough to understand what it means to be a mom.to her its buying dakota a bib that says " i love my mommy" ..not rocking her sick baby back to sleep or getting up with her in the morning to smiles and play time..shed rather sleep and have her fun. me and my mom are being very supportive...we got her on the right track to getting dakota back..she in a shelter they are helping her find an apartment..she cant live here because when she does she pushes the baby off on eveyrone else..she lived here till dakota was two months old and i had her just as much as steph did. when she moved out..we found dirty NEWBORN diapers in her room when dakota was 3 months old...and found bottles in her room that wre still dirty and were so moldy that i just threw them out. she needs to be on her own and learn responsiblity because when shes home she thinks that means dakota is everyones baby and responsibility and not hers, she doesnt clean and she sits on her butt all day on the computer in front of the tv. so were doing the right thing by not letting steph home...shes run away and came home so many times she just expects us to let her back every time...so shes not learning anything...when shes on her own she will learn something. shes a mom, shes gotta grow up and be mature and make a life for her and her daughter without us telling her what to do every step of the way. she needs to make her own decisions.
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  #14  
September 1st, 2007, 11:43 AM
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Quote:
hey, i give steph tons of opportunitys. when she feels like comeing around i try to give her dakota and she is always giving her back. i dont even interfere when steph has her because shes stephs daughter not mine. we let her spend the night last week and i told her to take dakota for the night and sleep up in her room iwth her. she agreed to. well she spent the night in my basement wtih the guy that lives down tehre and left the baby up in her room..two floors up. by herself. i heard dakota cry 5 times during the night..each time i woke steph up and said your daughter is crying. steph came up once and i thought she stayed up so i went back to bed...turns out when dakota cried at 8 in the morning it was my mom that got up and fed her because steph had gone back down to the basement. even when she did have dakota she was calling me almost every other day to babysit because she had plans like drinking or hanging out with guys or going out all night. shes glad im good with dakota because now she doesnt have to worry about the responsibility. shes never been responsible. she never once asks why dakota doesnt cry for her she even thinks its cute that dakota cries for me..she just doesnt get it..she has a lot of mental issues that she had before getting pregnant..not depression....but shes just not and might not ever be mature enough to understand what it means to be a mom.to her its buying dakota a bib that says " i love my mommy" ..not rocking her sick baby back to sleep or getting up with her in the morning to smiles and play time..shed rather sleep and have her fun. me and my mom are being very supportive...we got her on the right track to getting dakota back..she in a shelter they are helping her find an apartment..she cant live here because when she does she pushes the baby off on eveyrone else..she lived here till dakota was two months old and i had her just as much as steph did. when she moved out..we found dirty NEWBORN diapers in her room when dakota was 3 months old...and found bottles in her room that wre still dirty and were so moldy that i just threw them out. she needs to be on her own and learn responsiblity because when shes home she thinks that means dakota is everyones baby and responsibility and not hers, she doesnt clean and she sits on her butt all day on the computer in front of the tv. so were doing the right thing by not letting steph home...shes run away and came home so many times she just expects us to let her back every time...so shes not learning anything...when shes on her own she will learn something. shes a mom, shes gotta grow up and be mature and make a life for her and her daughter without us telling her what to do every step of the way. she needs to make her own decisions.[/b]
I guess I didn't know the whole situation, I'm very sorry you and your family are going through this. I really hope she can settle down and learn how to be a mom. dakota is lucky to have you, and I hope that neither her nor you will suffer from all this ####!! (hugs)
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  #15  
September 1st, 2007, 06:08 PM
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