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The birth story probably won't be long. My EDD by LMP was Oct 3, by u/s Oct 12. I was not really sure when I got preggo due to being on BCP.
October 19, I went in for a u/s and a check up. During my u/s the OB asked me about fetal movement. I started to get concerned. Then he was checking the heart and he could not see the heart beat. He then tried listening with the doppler. No heart beat. Then he continued to tell me to go straight to the hospital. He said he wasn't sure because the baby's chest was laying across the placenta. I knew he was gone then. I didn't see the baby move. I didn't see any HB. I didn't see anything.
DH and I drove down to the hospital and was admitted. I did all the forms and everything. I was wheeled down to radiology to get an u/s. Sure enough no heart beat. I was then wheeled back upstairs to my room. DH and DD were waiting on me. I told DH that we had an angel baby. I called my mom, which was already on her way to the hospital and told her. I also called everyone I had in my cell phone because I was still in shock and not crying and was able to talk about it. I did not want people calling and asking when I was going to have the baby. I wanted them to know now so that I don't have to explain later. DH called his family, he however was not able to even say it without crying. He was so much more upset at this point then I was. I was just in shock. So I called his sisters, but he called his parents. I don't remember much after that. I was asked if I wanted a spinal or general. Since I had general with Alyssa and I didn't really need to be awake this time, I opted for general again because I know what to expect and I did not want that needle in my back. Everyone was really nice to me and trying to make me laugh when they were prepping me in the OR. I was soon put under.........
I woke up in HORRID pain. The idiots did not start my morphine drip before I woke up. I was screaming and moaning and carrying on because my incision HURT. I was clenching my eyes closed between screams and begging for meds, I was asking about the baby. Was he really gone? How big was he? Was it actually a he? Where is DH? He was in the recovery room with me holding his son.
After about 30 mins the pain meds finally kicked in. I was wheeled to my room where my whole family and DHs family were waiting. There were even a few of our friends. The head nurse told us not to worry about visiting hours and visitor restrictions. These were special circumstances and people can come and go as they please. I mostly laid there in pain and trying to sleep. I was letting the family anf friends say their goodbyes. I already seen him for a little while. I needed to rest and I would have about 12 hours to spend with my son all the next day.
I got some sleep and woke up about 9 am. During the night time, the hospital took professional pics of him (which they pay for as a gift for the parents of a stillborn). They had him like 3 hours doing pics. Anyways, He spent most of the day with me in my arms. My RN came in to take out my catheder and wanted me to walk later when I had to pee. I continued to hold my baby. I noticed that he was showing signs of decomposition. I decided that in a while he would be laid in his bassinette and not be held again, but stay in our room until the funeral director came. Dhs family showed up and some other friends of mine. We had him baptized. We stood around saying prayers for him. Then I sat down and talked about my pregnancy and my feelings to everyone. It was very theraputic. I needed to express my feelings. Soon everyone left and said their goodbyes to baby Dominic. I had dh put him near me and I just sat there talking to him and crying. I was taking pictures. I took pics of him and his big sister. She loves him so much.
At 5:38 I gave him up. That was the HARDEST moment of my life. Saying goodbye was not fun. I cried and my heartbroke into pieces. I remember I sounded like I was dieing. It was killing me. I picked him up out of his bassinette and everyone gave him kisses. I kissed and hugged him for the last time and placed him in his blanket to be wrapped in. The nurse carried him down to the funeral director.
LeAnn you are CONSTANTLY in my thoughts and prayers. No one can ever understand why people have to go through such horrible things in their lives. Do the best you can to get through each day but please remember you dont have to stay strong. Keep your faith in God, and ask him to help you through each day. PLEASE let me know if there is ANYTHING I can do for you or your family.
Thank you LeAnn , I know it must have been hard to write this out . I know that you will never forget the short time you had with your son , holding him inside you and finally in your arms , and knowing that he will be in your heart forever .
~♥~Rachel~♥~ Crafty ~ Cloth Diapering ~ Breastfeeding ~ Co-Sleeping ~ Slightly Crunchy Green Mommy to
Brandon Michael Born By Cesarean 8-3-04 ~ Hannah Elizabeth Born By Natural VBAC 1-14-08 ~ Surprise Baby Love Due 1-18-11
Thank you for sharing your story with us, LeAnn. I have tears in my eyes reading what you had to go through. No mother should EVER have to go through that. I am again so incredibly sorry for your loss. It's just not fair.
I aven't logged on in a while and I just read your story...
Words cannot express the sorrow and sadness I feel for you and your family right now. As I sit here at the computer, tears are just streaming down my face. I'm praying for you.