Gonna be a long ride

ANGWife · #1 August 24th, 2008, 03:30 AM

I'm just plain scared.

I had a dream last night that the doctor called me back and said the results of my blood test were wrong and my mom was pregnant, I wasn't! Silly, I know but it scared me. I'm also getting alot of CM now, and everytime I feel it, I think it's blood. I dread going to the bathroom and what I will see when I wipe. I don't freak out ALL the time, just alot. On the other hand, I totally feel pregnant. I'm only 4 weeks today but my stomach is sick all day. I'm having food aversions, things I use to love make me sick. And I can't seem to stay away!

I know there are a few pregnant ladies and moms who have had m/c. I lost our first baby at 4 weeks and 6 days. That's this Saturday. I need advice on how to not worry so much.

#2 August 24th, 2008, 04:21 AM

I'm not full of BTDT advice, but I do know to rest, take your vitamins, eat regularly and as well as you can, and drink water. I know life is heck right now, but try and set aside one Morgan or one Morgan and Ed hour a day to make sure that your head is on yourself and JellyBean :dothug>

Mars · #3 August 24th, 2008, 05:03 AM

Welcome to pregnancy land!!!

I don't think there's really anything we can say that will ease your worries apart from the fact that we've all pretty much been through the same thing. But with all going on around you, just try to find some space, a few minutes, for you and the little miracle growing inside you. Now, I will say:

- I had the same experience with the CM and checking on it 24/7 to verify I wasn't bleeding.
- The Friday before I found out I was pregnant, I went out for lunch and not one thing appealed to me.

You do have 1 up on me cause I never really felt pregnant until the morning sickness kicked in and I saw the bean on the U/S.

I hope what I write now doesn't come across as insensitive but at this point there's not much we can do apart from trying to take care of ourselves as best as possible. I was told that when we lose a baby generally in the first 3 months it's usually because something was wrong with the egg and the process and for the most part not related to anything that we personally have done or could have done (unless we decided to start heavy weight lifting or something crazy like that).

For me, when I found out, it was just the beginning of my worries and to this day I still worry sometimes but just remember that by worrying all the time, we may miss out on the joys that come with each step of the pregnancy (except for m/s...no joys there).

So just try to think as many positive thoughts as you can and you'll find that sometimes you'll find yourself fantasizing more than worrying.

petalfuzz · #4 August 24th, 2008, 05:28 AM

I'm really sorry about your anxiety! But I just finished reading TCOYF, and it says that as long as your temps are remaining high, you should be okay! So take your temp for a few days and confirm that they're still above your coverline. Good luck!

ShannonMVT · #5 August 24th, 2008, 06:37 AM

Girl, you and me both! See my thread I just started about my nightmare. I'm taking vaginal progesterone so I can feel it leaking it out and so I'm always checking that TP each time I go to the bathroom.

I think pregnancy after loss is super scary because you know all too well what can happen and how much it can hurt. I was doing good for a couple days and now I'm where you are and scared.

I don't seem to be as naseuated as I was a couple of days ago but I'm more tired, so I dunno what's up with my symptoms.

What I did to try and make myself feel better was take another hpt and watch the line get even darker. I took one this morning, 3 days after my first bfp and now the line is almost as dark as the control! So that made me feel a bit better because I know the hcg is going up.

ShannonMVT · #6 August 24th, 2008, 06:37 AM

Girl, you and me both! See my thread I just started about my nightmare. I'm taking vaginal progesterone so I can feel it leaking it out and so I'm always checking that TP each time I go to the bathroom.

I think pregnancy after loss is super scary because you know all too well what can happen and how much it can hurt. I was doing good for a couple days and now I'm where you are and scared.

I don't seem to be as naseuated as I was a couple of days ago but I'm more tired, so I dunno what's up with my symptoms.

What I did to try and make myself feel better was take another hpt and watch the line get even darker. I took one this morning, 3 days after my first bfp and now the line is almost as dark as the control! So that made me feel a bit better because I know the hcg is going up.

#7 August 24th, 2008, 06:53 AM

Early pregnancy is very scary... each pain or leakage scares you half to death... but add to that a previous m/c... I can't even begin to imagine how much more scared you are.

I agree with the other girls, rest as much as you can, sleep well, eat well (if you can) and just *try* to relax... easy to say.

(((((huggles)))))

Mod-LadyCoconut · #8 August 24th, 2008, 07:30 AM

I don't really have anything to offer but I wanted to chime in with some major *hugs* because I'm sure this is very scary!

soImarriedAnerd · #9 August 24th, 2008, 07:36 AM

{{{huggles}}} I got no good advice.

#10 August 24th, 2008, 07:47 AM

I know it's scary, especially for those of you who have had a loss before

Just be yourself, do what you would normally do, and before you know it, you'll be past this part of pregnancy (the worst part in my opinion!)

I had a TON of CM right after I got my BFP. I hated it. I would always feel these little gushes and rush into the bathroom to check. I also had AF like cramps to boot. It's like our body is trying to freak us out!

lauren in hi · #11 August 24th, 2008, 09:32 AM

I haven't been in your shoes, but this pregnancy has had me a lot more scared because of all the bleeding/spotting which I never had w/ Abby. I know it's hard, and I'm sorry I don't have any good advice.

ScottishBrit · #12 August 24th, 2008, 11:20 AM

I know how you feel! I had ton';s of CM too. I was always scared to go to the bathroom. i even had one night of the worst pain ever!!! I thought I was having a M/C....The doc said It was my uterus streatching. But even when It stretched later It was nothing compared to that first pain! Id either say lay in bed all day and relax on Sat or go out and keep your self busy

**Jenn** · #13 August 24th, 2008, 11:35 AM

I know how you feel, and let me tell you no matter how many healthy babies you have you will continue to be scared with each pregnancy. We lost our first baby when I was about 6 weeks along and I was so scared with both Liam and Lochy that I had a very hard time bonding and even accepting the fact that I was pregnant until I was past the first trimester. I checked the toilet paper every single time I went to the bathroom (with both boys) up until the day I delivered. I did have my scares with each baby--with Liam I had "unexplained" bleeding at about 20 weeks and a little boy at work kicked me in the stomach at 28 weeks; with Lochy I had light bleeding and cramping til 8 weeks and no heartbeat found at my 4 month appointment and had to have an emergency u/s to confirm his passing (thankfully we saw a LIVE and MOVING baby in there--he was moving so much which is why they think they couldn't get the heartbeat). So no matter if you have completely smooth sailing or every symptom in the book, you will worry and be scared until you hold that baby in your arms. I can say the anxiety will lessen a lot once you can consistently feel the baby move. Maybe write down your fears to get them out of your head. That helped me a lot. Just know that just because it has happened once does not mean it will happen again. Your chances of having a completely healthy baby are enormous! Also talking about your fears with other women who have gone through what you are or are going through it now is helpful. It helps make you feel not so crazy and that it's completely normal to be scared out of your mind after experiencing a loss. Try to relax and think positively--this baby's gonna stick!

Frozendesire · #14 August 24th, 2008, 03:24 PM

Oh man, Sweety. I'm so sorry that you even have a reason to worry. It's hard, really hard not to worry constantly. I found I needed to focus on other things but I think it was easy because I had Curtis ya know? But I take things one day at a time. One appointment at a time. I have an appointment on Tuesday and already I'm anxious and nervous about the health of my little one.

Vent lots. I mean lots. Type every worry you have when you have it so it's out and not sitting in your mind constantly.

Huge hugs, huge huge hugs!

Garfieldbear · #15 August 25th, 2008, 09:51 AM

Unfortunately, there is not much you can do right now about your anxiety.....it's perfectly normal, especially considering what you have been through. The first few weeks of my pregnancy were full of dread, because I kept on having flashbacks of when I had an ectopic pregnancy 4 years ago....all I can say is that it will get better.....I am still anxious myself right now, and fear my ultrasounds, but I feel a lot better than a few weeks ago. Once you see the heartbeat, your anxiety levels will definately go down. For now, just try to take care of yourself and express all of your anxieties to us. It really helps. Just give it 2-3 weeks, we'll help you get through it, and the anxiety will always be there but it will greatly decrease