Names

**Jenn** · #1 August 24th, 2008, 12:00 PM

For those of you who have lost a baby(ies) did you find it helpful to name your little one(s)? I know some people aren't comfortable with that but I know I found it very validating and comforting to name my baby that couldn't stay. I felt like it was wrong for me to refer to him (I had a strong feeling he was a boy) as "it" and just couldn't bring myself to do it. Dh and I named him Xavier--it's a name that we both really liked and would have been our first son's name anyway. We thought that just because he wasn't here doesn't mean he wasn't our first boy and didn't deserve his name.

A quick story to share:

August is always hard for me because I was due with Xavier on August 30th, 2003. It took 2 years and almost 4 months before we got pregnant again. Then on December 30th, 2005 (4 days before the third anniversary of my miscarriage) my Liam was born. Fast forward to August 2006 when Liam was about 7 1/2 months old. I was feeling really down and missing Xavier. We were visiting my in laws and had Barney on the tv for Liam. They were doing something called Friendship Day where little kids could write in their messages to friends and it would continually scroll across the bottom of the screen. I wasn't paying attention to the tv but all of a sudden I looked up at it just in time to see scrolling across the bottom "Happy friendship day to my little brother Liam" Love, Xavier. That is one moment I will have forever etched into my mind. I was floored, my heart skipped a beat, and I just knew it was a sign from him telling me he was here and not to be sad because he was always with us.

A*LOT*OF*HOPE · #2 August 24th, 2008, 03:10 PM

Wow, I have goosebumps over my entire body, what a special moment!!

Mod-LadyCoconut · #3 August 24th, 2008, 10:16 PM

Quote:

all of a sudden I looked up at it just in time to see scrolling across the bottom "Happy friendship day to my little brother Liam" Love, Xavier. That is one moment I will have forever etched into my mind. I was floored, my heart skipped a beat, and I just knew it was a sign from him telling me he was here and not to be sad because he was always with us.

[/b]

How absolutely special. Thank you so much for sharing that, it really touched my heart. Undoubtedly, that was a message from your little Xavier.

soImarriedAnerd · #4 August 26th, 2008, 02:44 AM

that was soooo special!

ShannonMVT · #5 August 26th, 2008, 09:35 AM

That is amazing and gives me chills.

The day after I found out there was no more heartbeat I kept thinking "his name should have been Thomas". But I couldn't bring myself to actually name him until months later. I think part of me felt foolish about it for some reason. But now that I have named him, it gives me a better way to remember and think of him. I can think of him as my precious Thomas and not just "the baby I lost".

**Jenn** · #6 August 26th, 2008, 11:44 AM

Quote:

That is amazing and gives me chills.

The day after I found out there was no more heartbeat I kept thinking "his name should have been Thomas". But I couldn't bring myself to actually name him until months later. I think part of me felt foolish about it for some reason. But now that I have named him, it gives me a better way to remember and think of him. I can think of him as my precious Thomas and not just "the baby I lost".[/b]

That's how I felt too. We didn't actually "name" him and start calling him Xavier until almost a year after we lost him. Since we don't have any physical momentos (no u/s pics or even positive hpts) it's all we really have to stay connected.

I had another instance with him and Liam too. Liam was crying and I was in the basement doing laundry and couldn't get up to him right away. So I looked up and said "Xavier, play with your brother for a minute please." Within seconds Liam stopped crying and then started laughing.