Frustrated and upset

niknok · #1 September 23rd, 2008, 03:39 PM

So, yesterday I found out we are the only couple signed up for our hypnobabies class. Long story short, we can either do home study or pay $200 EXTRA for the "private" class. It's not a huge deal since my doula is the one who teaches HB, and we can go through the stuff during our 2 doula prenatal appts. But I was looking forward to taking the class with other couples. On a happy note, since we are doing home study and only have to pay for the material, we save $400. I hate changes in my plans, so I wasn't thrilled yesterday. Anyhow, I got over it.

So today I meet with the lady who has said for 5 months that she would nanny for us. It's one of my friend's mom. She had me over for lunch so we could discuss details. Another long story short, she won't do it "under the table" b/c she wants/needs to pay social security and taxes for retirement purposes. It kinda sounded like a crock as she was telling me all that, but whatever. I called DH on the way home, and he was telling me how an individual can pay all that stuff 4 times a year, and make it official. I called her back to tell her that apparently it would be easy to pay her offically to meet her needs, and the story changed. All of a sudden, she started talking about how she needs social interaction in her life, and a baby obviously wouldn't provide that. She was just saying that she needed some time to think about things, etc. Basically, I'm counting her out. It really seems to me as if she's decided she doesn't want to nanny, but doesn't want to flat out say it. So now I'm looking at nanny agencies and daycares. The problem with nanny agencies is that they are friggin expensive, and I wouldn't personally know the nanny. I was feeling so secure and happy knowing I'd be leaving my little man with someone I know. The problem with daycares is I'm not sure if they'll accept CD, and they'll probably require immunizations on time. (I was planning to delay). Mainly I'm upset b/c once again, the plan has changed. I hate changes.

My DH was so flippant about the nanny being a no-go, and it really pissed me off. He can be (flippant), b/c he's not the one who'll spend hours and hours researching nannies and daycares. The real reason I think I'm pissed is b/c I don't want to be looking for childcare at all, I want to be a SAHM. I know it sounds horrible, but I'm feeling resentful of my DH for not making more money. It annoys me that he just HAS to own his own business, rather than getting a normal job like other PA's. And on another hand, I feel like I'm being punished for having a masters degree, a good job, and being the breadwinner. It will never make logical sense for me to be a SAHM, b/c my income potential is far greater than my DH.

Anyways, I'm done whining, but thanks for letting me vent.

Nikki

#2 September 23rd, 2008, 04:06 PM

Im sorry your plans arent working out the way you want them to sweetie

niknok · #3 September 23rd, 2008, 04:37 PM

I thought you all should know that I feel better b/c I'm sitting here licking the bowl, from the cake I just put in the oven. I love licking the bowl. It makes me happy

BambolinaItaliana · #4 September 23rd, 2008, 04:46 PM

hugs, i hope everything works out and you find someone you are comfy with!!! i can understand how hard it can be finding someone else to look after your child. maybe you can go to the financial board adn see if they can come up with a budget so you can be a sahm for a while, until you feel comfy!!! if you have a little savings and just take away some of thouse things that you really think you can live without. it might be worth the look

soImarriedAnerd · #5 September 23rd, 2008, 10:47 PM

you lick that bowl girl!!!! lol

That sucks about the class and the nanny and the not being able to stay at home.

I agree to come on over to the financial board--we may be able to get you a budget that allows you to stay at home!
Good luck with the nanny hunt and I know you will do great at the home study program!

#6 September 24th, 2008, 12:09 AM

Why should you be the one who has to pay an extra $200 simply because no one else signed up for the classes?? Did they tell you this at the outset that if no one else signed up you would have to subsidise it? I wouldn't be happy about that!

niknok · #7 September 24th, 2008, 04:12 AM

Yeah Fi, we knew the price of 400 would only be if it was a group. And there were two other couples, but one decided to go private, and the other is delaying until the Jan start date. It sucks that at the last minute we found out, but I think I'm over it now. At least we'll save the money.

As far as the nanny thing, my DH sat down last night to work it out, and we think we have a plan. With his business, he HAS to work Mon/Tues/Wed. And since I work at a hospital, I can do 12 hour shifts, 3 days a week (11am-11pm). If my manager will give me a set schedule of Mon/Thurs/Fri, then Monday is the only day we'll need childcare for. And it would only be from 10:30-5:30. My DH could be home by 5 or so to relieve the person, and I don't leave for work until 10:30am.....so things are looking better. Plus, Eric would still have thursday and friday mornings until 10:30 to go get stuff done, etc. He does a lot from home now, so he can still attempt to get stuff done while he's at home with little man.

I knew as I was hormonally bawling yesterday that these things would seem trivial later, but preggo hormones just don't help matters. The cake bowl helped tremendously. Then the hot tub. Just having some sort of a plan makes it much better. Thanks for listening to me whine ladies!

niknok · #8 September 24th, 2008, 04:12 AM

Yeah Fi, we knew the price of 400 would only be if it was a group. And there were two other couples, but one decided to go private, and the other is delaying until the Jan start date. It sucks that at the last minute we found out, but I think I'm over it now. At least we'll save the money.

As far as the nanny thing, my DH sat down last night to work it out, and we think we have a plan. With his business, he HAS to work Mon/Tues/Wed. And since I work at a hospital, I can do 12 hour shifts, 3 days a week (11am-11pm). If my manager will give me a set schedule of Mon/Thurs/Fri, then Monday is the only day we'll need childcare for. And it would only be from 10:30-5:30. My DH could be home by 5 or so to relieve the person, and I don't leave for work until 10:30am.....so things are looking better. Plus, Eric would still have thursday and friday mornings until 10:30 to go get stuff done, etc. He does a lot from home now, so he can still attempt to get stuff done while he's at home with little man.

I knew as I was hormonally bawling yesterday that these things would seem trivial later, but preggo hormones just don't help matters. The cake bowl helped tremendously. Then the hot tub. Just having some sort of a plan makes it much better. Thanks for listening to me whine ladies!

soImarriedAnerd · #9 September 24th, 2008, 04:52 AM

Sounds like your figuring it out. So what are you going to buy the little man with the money you saved?!
Whine away anytime girl! You can also PM to whine anytime too!

Mars · #10 September 24th, 2008, 05:19 AM

Ugh, that sucks! I hope you can find someone who you feel comfortable with and who makes a good nanny.

niknok · #11 September 24th, 2008, 06:55 AM

Angela, I'm not buying a thing!!! Paying off debt so I can one day be a SAHM!

#12 September 24th, 2008, 09:13 AM

I understand wanting to be a SAHM. That is why my husband went back to school--because I am so not doing the SAHD thing. I would be so jealous. I hope you can find a way to work it out