[Lash]

Why do you personally want to have children? Where do you think the drive to procreate comes from and what means does it meet? What drives you to have children?

I think its interesting on the broad scheme of things to look at the purpose of why we have children and where that "instinct" comes from

I know in my counseling books, the lowest point of happiness in a marriage is during the infant/toddler years- so having children isnt to make us happy, even if we might think it is. Is having children just about teaching the next generation, to just keep furthering the cycle? It has to be more than that right?

Just wanted to open up discussion since its a mommy board!

[*vi]

Oh that's interesting!

I know personally, I have just always felt like it's something I need and want to do. I've wanted to be a mother since as far back as I can remember. When I was 15 I started doing baby sitting after school for a friend of my mother who just had a baby. It was something that just made me happy to do. I love kids, and I want to give my parents and DF's parents grandchildren while they have time do enjoy them the way it should be.

I can't describe what drives me to want this, but it's just something I know in my soul that I am meant to do.

[Lash]

I wonder where that drive comes from? I mean some women dont even ever get that drive, and some men report having it although its not reported at the same level as women

[Resi]

I never (as you have read before) wanted children unitl a few years ago. I'm not sure where my drive came from. When I was 27 years old I started letting myself think of the possibility of life with a child. I thought of all the love I would have for my child, the family I could have, holidays, watching my baby grow, experiencing pregnancy, etc. I thought about how I could pass all that by in my life or take the chance to experience it. I knew I would be okay and happy without children. But, slowly the baby fever grew and I knew that it was something I did not want to pass on. I had my doubts many times. I went back and forth. In the end I leaped in and it was the best choice I ever made. The thought of living my life without Oliver makes me want to cry. I'm still scared and worry about so many things with him growing up. I guess that is what every mother does. If I had to answer your question my drive came from wanting to give my love unselfishly to someone else. I wanted to know what true love was.

[petalfuzz]

I guess I'm odd in that my baby fever is always low or non-existent. I want to have children more with my head than my heart. I want to be able to experience what my mom experienced with her daughters: all the love and life we had together. Being a family to me means having mom, dad, and children. If it was just us two, I'd always fear that we'd grow apart somehow, but having kids would anchor us together. Plus, I want to be able to pass on my many talents and love of cooking and gardening, etc. And I don't want to be alone in my later years.

As soon as my baby is in my arms, I'll promise to everyone to have baby fever like I've never had before

[Alison81]

For me, I always loved taking care of anything. I always had baby animals, living on a farm, and never aspired to have a career, I just wanted to be a mom, and watch my kids grow. Ironically, all my friends that ddn't want that are married with like 3 kids now, and I still have only one, and am single. Life sucks in that sense....

Today, I think I love being able to watch my kids grow, to give another person a chance to do something good in the world, no matter how simple it is. I love the closeness of family life, and I also love socializing with other moms, and being involved in activities with DD. I really, really, cannot wait to give DD a sibling or 2, so I can watch them grow together, and do even more fun activities with them, and teach them to be good people. I also have selfish reasons, like, babies are cute, I love dressing kids up, christmas is more fun with kids, family vacations are fun, lol. But ultimately, I love family life, and want the whole big family, with lots of kids, lots of chaos, and lots of love and support. I just hope I get that, I am not getting any younger, and things with my ex are not going to work out, so I have to find someone new, which is harder than you'd think.

[Frozendesire]

I guess I'm the odd one out haha. I wanted to make something/someone with our love. It was like completing our family. Using the love between me and my husband and creating a whole new being and love them even more so. Then for us to do so again, and enrich all of our lives with another human being to love, care for, share experiences with.

[Garfieldbear]

Well, I don't know if this puts me in a bad light, but I always wanted children to "make up" for my own unhappy childhood....I always wanted to give my children what I didn't have as a child....maybe this is a selfish reason, I don't know, but I think that this is my reason. I just think that I will be so fulfilled from giving my kids a happy life, but I do worry about living up to such a high standard.

[alicenwonderland]

I remeber always wanting children without reason. My mother was a SAHM and I assumed I would be too. Although I knew I wanted this... I always wanted it "someday", not any time in the near future. I remember even mentioning to my husband on our honeymoon that we could be selfish and keep our marriage too ourselves. Then I remember when it "clicked". I don't know why, but the winter we moved into our house and after only one year of marriage, I began absolutley yearning for a child. I'm really not sure where that stemmed from. From then on, every time my husband and I made love, I thought about how sterile the moment became when one of us reached for the condom. How it seemed like such a waste of the love that we share.
Then we went to Alaska and things changed further. I was in absolute wonder. Everything there was new and exciting. And then the look on my 3-year-old niece's face when she saw a whale in the wild for the first time. The way she said "Look, Alice, a Glacier". Her experience was like mine times 1000. I imagined being able to show my own child, who I loved more than anything in the world, everything for the first time. The urge to create like just was all encompassing. This is why I came home hoping to be pregnant.

[soImarriedAnerd]

Growing up I had dreamed about my pregnancy/childbirth experience more then the actually child (my drive was more to produce children then to raise children---I think this I why I wanted to donate eggs-to feel part of the production process). Not having the real drive to have kids wasn't the norm I don't think. i have craved feeling pregnant and giving birth for as long as I can remember....i used to play "pregnant" or "labor" when I was a kid---but I never played "house" or "mommy".

The idea of wanting the CHILD is newer to me---that set in when I found Troy. Then it was more then the pregnancy and labor and reproduction...it was completing our family and giving the world a piece of my heart and DH's heart that will hopefully go on longer then us. To see the world again through their eyes, for them to teach me things I never knew about myself (hopefully for the better), for me hopefully teach them to be global thinkers and then them doing something to make the world a better place for others. To be a den mom for boyscouts, to be a SAHM---these were NEVER thoughts in my head till I met troy. Before Troy I never thought for a moment I wouldn't be working a fulltime job-I figured I would be the bread winner. I never wanted to "sit around with a kid" at home or anything domesticated (I smack myself now for thinking moms that stayed at home were just lazy---wow was I an idiot!!!) I didn't know even ONE SAHM till I moved to CO....the only ones I "saw" were the tv versions--insert peg bundy from married with children (that WAS my thinking). I now realize its probably the hardest job there is---and I want it! I want to be the domesticated cook/clean/laundry/raise kids mom----if someone 6ys ago said I would feel this way today I would have laughed at them and called them crazy. For me it was something about meeting Troy and falling in love hard that made my brain switch many gears. I don't go for the troy completed me line----I'm more of thought we were each complete already and that we just complemented each other perfectly

I am loving some of our little topics lately!

[ANGWife]

When I was in high school and early college, I never wanted kids. The whole idea of pregnancy and labor was terrifying, and I felt it was a complete loss of freedom.

I have to agree that some of my drive is from my own childhood. Now I was never deprived of nice things and I'm sure I was alot better off than alot of kids (DH especially). But when my parents divorced unexpectedly when I was 9, my life was never the same. I feel my parents turned into these selfish individuals. And every choice they made regarding our family and my future was because of their own personal interest. It's a very long story that I am sensitive about. I'm still feeling the pain. I told myself I never wanted to have children because I wasn't sure if I could love them as much as they needed. KWIM?

Things started to change when I met Ed. He taught me how to loosen up and stop living to please everyone else. It made me realize what I wanted out of life, and that was to have children with him. That's honestly why I started working in child care, to see if I enjoyed kids. And boy do I ever! I love watching them learn and grow. But a sad part of my job is seeing the lack of parenting and involvement from the people who are suppose to care for them the most. For some of my kids, coming to day care is the most stable part of their day. Having a child sit in my lap and say they love me just melts my heart.

At this point in my life, raising well adjusted and loved children is my top priority. If I didn't feel I could provide them with this attention/love than I would never have them.

**But on a more silly note, I would love a mini me

[Mars]

I'm not sure where the drive comes from but I've always thought it to be something related to our function to procreate and carry on the cycle of life. All living things procreate (I think). Unfortunately we have a few kinks and everyone cannott procreate and some simply choose not want to for whatever reasons.

I think I knew that eventually I would like to have a child but was never quite sure about the timing. I'm a natural planner and always wanted to try to accomplish certain things first. But I knew too that I didn't want to be trying past a certain age so I'm almost positive that subconsciously I came up with a timeframe of sorts. Last year around April though, it was something that was constantly on my mind and I like to refer that as the start of my ticking biological clock because up to that point, I just did not feel that I was ready to have a child. Nonetheless, I told my DH so that we could both give ourselves a little time to get accustom to the idea as he was in a similar position to me and wasn't sure that he was quite ready to have a child as yet.

Another train of thought that I have is that when a couple really cares about each other and are looking to spend the rest of their lives togethr, a child is a little like a celebration and continuance of that union. A blending of the characteristics of both persons. (I know that sounds fairy tale-ish and I aso know that there are numerous exceptions to this "rule" but I like to think that this is the general train of thought built into our subconscious.)

[~Caroline~]

Growing up, I never was a girl who dreamed of being a mom, unlike many of my friends. I always knew I wanted to have kids someday, but I never gave it much thought. Like many of you, the desire to have a child really manifested itself when I met the right man. I think that because I don't have a good relationship with my dad, I never had a strong desire to have kids until I met a man who I know won't be like him. I know Chris would never disappear from our child's life for years like my dad did. I know he will be involved, play with our kids, help him/her learn and help with the discipline too.

Also, some of my best memories in life come from my childhood and I think that, selfishly, there's a part of me that would like to relive it. I can't go back in time, but I know I will love to see the world through a child's eyes again.

[lauren in hi]

Well, I don't know if this puts me in a bad light, but I always wanted children to "make up" for my own unhappy childhood....I always wanted to give my children what I didn't have as a child....maybe this is a selfish reason, I don't know, but I think that this is my reason. I just think that I will be so fulfilled from giving my kids a happy life, but I do worry about living up to such a high standard.[/b]

(((JENN))) I don't think there is nothing wrong w/ that. You are a great mommy!

Wow, Lauren, this is a really thought-provoking question. I have always wanted children, though during my young adulthood I was never sure I'd be able to handle it. Thinking back, I think maybe I was just scared that I wouldn't do a good job of raising them even if I wanted them. I have never really wanted to go the SAHM path, but I guess because living in HI in this day & age, it's impractical. Also, it's an extremely hard job that I don't think I would want...I would at least work part-time if we could even afford to be in that situation.

I think just the idea of family, passing on things to my children, strengthening the bond between myself, Brant, & Abby, is what it's about to me. It's wanting to share your life & love with someone other than my spouse.

I'm not as eloquent as everyone else, but this was a great topic.

For me it is like being madly in love with someone you have never met, but you know is waiting for you. It is very intuitive for me. I would elaborate more but I am not sure it would make much sense (unless you think like me! lol).

[Emma&Jack's Momma]

That is a very interesting, and very hard question to answer! I have come to this post a couple of times and read through what everyone else has said and tried to figure out the real reason why I want to have another child - and not just why I wanted to have kids before Emma. Keep in mind, she wasn't planned at all and at the time, I was nowhere near ready to bring a child into the world. I was immature, very unexperienced with the world, only semi-independent and kinda lost! The first words outta my mouth when I saw "Pregnant" on my test, were "Jessica, what am I gonna do?" I don't think that it was that I didn't want to have the baby (because I never thought of another option, abortion or adoption) but I just wasn't ready to step into that stage in my life. I really wasn't! As my pregnancy progressed, I was getting more used to the idea of being a mom but it wasn't at all real until I actually held her in my arms for the first time. Things got even more difficult when I realized that I was going to be the only one to wake up with her, take her everywhere I went, make ALL major and minor decisions for her. I realized AFTER I had her, how much I really did want to be a mom - and how much I want to make a difference in her life, make her a great kid (and adult!), give her opportunities and be a great role model to her and my other children. Why do I want to have other children? Because I saw how much she changed my life, how much she made me want to be a better person and how much love I had for her - and can't imagine not doing it again, this time with DH! Also, I LOVED being pregnant