All through my pregnancy so far, DH has asked at regular intervals if I am scared of labouring and giving birth. My answer has always been no. It's a natural process.

The closer I get to the due date, the more fear is creeping up on me. I'm not scared of the pain or the process of contractions and birth.... I'm petrified of tearing down *there*. I mean absolutely terrified! I don't want my toot to be all torn and ouchies

Am I abnormal to be so scared of such a minuscule part of the actual birth??

[ANGWife]

That is EXACTLY what I'm scared of! The tearing and how I will recover. Though I'm not as far along as you, so I try not to think about it much right now.

[~* Helen *~]

Even tho I have given birth twice, this time round I am petrified !!!

First time was a great labour even tho it didn't end as we wanted it to, Ryans I was looking forward to and his went kinda smoothly, this time I am scared out my pant I fear it will go wrong again and I will end up with a c-section which is my biggest fear, I really don't want one Also I know for a fact I won't be able to sit still enough for the epidural

I don't want a C/s either

Emma's (UK Mummy) birth story gave me a lot of courage and hope though, she went through the mill and survived with pethidine etc, no epi. So if she got through all that, I'm sure we'll do just fine.

I'm not adverse to pain meds, but the thought of not being able to feel/move my legs with an epi... I don't really want that *sigh*. But I like my toot as it is Am I right in thinking they try not to let you tear? Don't the docs/nurses/midwifes prefer to cut instead?

[LisanAndy]

I'm not scared at all, I'm actually looking forward to it The only thing that's always in the back of my mind is a c-section and I'd rather not need one. I got my epi at 5 centimeters (couldn't take it anymore) and had an episiotomy while I was pushing and it didn't hurt one bit because I was numb. I could feel him take 2 cuts but with no pain. I didn't feel him stitch me afterwards and I felt better "down there" by the 4th day and completely fine by 1.5/2 weeks.

[Frozendesire]

Tearing is better then cutting so I've heard. I'd rather tear. I tore with Curtis but I don't remember it, I didn't feel anything, it was painful after wards. It all went back to normal though, size shape etc. I didn't have any pain medication like Epi or anything.

I'm not scared yet, kinda anxious. I usually get scared of the unknown and I've done this before so that helps. But I am scared of the pain. It just was really intense and stuff. I am also scared of afterwards and how your belly goes, and the painful sitting and peeing haha. I had no idea about all that and so it came as a huge shocker to me with Curtis, not looking forward to that again!

[*JenJen*]

I'd say nervous more than scared. I've not done it before and I am worried about how I will deal with it

[**Jenn**]

It's normal to be scared, especially for something you have absolutely no experience with. It is better to tear than to be cut (most of the time anyway). I tore with Liam (2nd degree) but I didn't feel it at the time and they gave me numbing medication while they stiched me up since I didn't have any pain meds for the labor and birth. It was uncomfortable and it was a good month before I could actually wipe myself when I peed--that peri bottle will be your BEST friend! It was a little uncomfortable to sit for a few days but you'll be surprised how quickly you heal. Everything has gone back to normal down there. I did tear a tiny bit with Lochy too but not too bad--I had no discomfort from it after the birth and bounced back from that one a lot quicker. It's best to talk about your fears so they're not bottled up--that just makes it ten times worse! And don't listen to other womens horror stories about their birth experiences--you'll be just fine! I've given birth twice and it was the best experience of my life. Just keep your eye on the prize and everything else won't seem like that big a deal!

ETA: I probably wouldn't have torn at all if my kids didn't have such huge noggins! I'm talking 95th percentile!

[ShannonMVT]

I started getting a tiny bit scared the other day. I am a small thin person. My Dh's head at birth was 99th percentile. Umm...

I just don't see how a baby head is going to fit out my whooha without some tearing or cutting and that is a little scary. I think I'll get more scared as I get further along.

Also I would like to have a drug free birth so that part is worrysome too because I don't know if I can do it.

[~* Helen *~]

I don't want a C/s either

Emma's (UK Mummy) birth story gave me a lot of courage and hope though, she went through the mill and survived with pethidine etc, no epi. So if she got through all that, I'm sure we'll do just fine.

I'm not adverse to pain meds, but the thought of not being able to feel/move my legs with an epi... I don't really want that *sigh*. But I like my toot as it is Am I right in thinking they try not to let you tear? Don't the docs/nurses/midwifes prefer to cut instead?[/b]

They can't prevent you from tearing, and a tear isn't actually to bad, its painful the first few days and then it eases. A lot of hospitals don't cut you anyway, my hospital won't cut women, although I think that depends on the hospital itself.

But I really, really do want to avoid a c-section !!!!

So, can I be gross and TMI since we're on the subject... what happens if you tear towards your back passage? Can it have a bad effect on your bowel control? Or do you heal up just fine? Or does the tear tend to go sideways? Sorry to be asking so much and such personal stuff, but as said up there ^ better to talk and get it out in the open?

I'm petrified of the first bowel movement after the birth, all the stretching to get a baby out must cause some pain and having to go to the toilet must hurt like heck afterwards!!

[LisanAndy]

When he did my episiotomy he cut slightly diagonally towards the exit only hole LoL. The first few bowel movements were uncomfortable for me and I didn't go for about 1-1.5 weeks after birth. They took my epi out right after he stitched me up and within 30-40 mins I was walking around just fine. The after pains were no fun though LoL. For me, the 1st 2 PP days were the hardest but they weren't excruciating or anything. By the 3rd day I was able to squat on the floor, bend up and down, walk normally, ect. The first time we DTD after I had her I was 4 weeks PP and it was tender for the first 5 mins or so but it hasn't hurt since.

[Mod-LadyCoconut]

Am I right in thinking they try not to let you tear? Don't the docs/nurses/midwifes prefer to cut instead?[/b]

I think it would be preferable to tear rather than me cut. A long time ago I heard a great way of explaining this. If you grab your tshirt and just try to rip from the collar... it's going to be hard to tear. But if you cut it first, and then pull on it, it's going to rip way further than it would if you had just tried to tear it only. So in my mind, it would be better to tear naturally than to be cut, because then it'll probably be a bigger rip.

So, can I be gross and TMI since we're on the subject... what happens if you tear towards your back passage? Can it have a bad effect on your bowel control? Or do you heal up just fine? Or does the tear tend to go sideways? Sorry to be asking so much and such personal stuff, but as said up there ^ better to talk and get it out in the open?

I'm petrified of the first bowel movement after the birth, all the stretching to get a baby out must cause some pain and having to go to the toilet must hurt like heck afterwards!![/b]

The severity or extent of a vaginal laceration or episiotomy is often referred to in degrees as discussed below.

Degrees of vaginal tears:

First Degree-The smallest or most simple episiotomy, extending only through the vaginal mucosa. It does not involve the underlying tissues.

Second Degree-This is the most common type of episiotomy. It extends through the vaginal mucosa and into the submucosal tissues, but does not involve the rectal sphincter or mucosa.

Third Degree-A third degree episiotomy involves the vaginal mucosa, submucosal tissues, and a partial or complete transection of the anal sphincter muscle.

Fourth Degree-The most severe type of episiotomy includes incision of the vaginal mucosa, submucosal tissues, and anal sphincter, and it also involves of the lining of the rectum.

The severity of the episiotomy is directly associated with the amount and seriousness of postpartum and long-term complications. As the degree of the episiotomy increases, there is more potential for infection, postpartum pain, and other complications, such as leakage of stool and development of recto-vaginal fistula.[/b]

Source

oh God, I think I am going to pass out

[Mod-LadyCoconut]

haha easy for the not-pregnant woman to do all the googling sorry!

[~* Helen *~]

So, can I be gross and TMI since we're on the subject... what happens if you tear towards your back passage? Can it have a bad effect on your bowel control? Or do you heal up just fine? Or does the tear tend to go sideways? Sorry to be asking so much and such personal stuff, but as said up there ^ better to talk and get it out in the open?

I'm petrified of the first bowel movement after the birth, all the stretching to get a baby out must cause some pain and having to go to the toilet must hurt like heck afterwards!![/b]

First time I tore and had 6 stitches, first bowel movement was fine and did not hurt, when I peed it did but only for a few days, with Ryan I did not tear and again first bowel movement was fine !!!

I really can't imagine it hurting if you did tear towards your back passage with the first bowel movement as in a gross kinda way things don't stretch even in the slightest if at all like they do with a baby coming through

I really appreciate the replies and am sorry to be so graphic lol! I feel better now. But what happens if you get the 3rd or 4th degree tear... do you go back to the original pre-torn state? I.e. does it affect your bowel control from birth onwards?

I'm prob paranoid about nothing, but I also don't want to be "scarred for life", KWIM? I guess women wouldn't have more than 1 child if this was the case.

[*Anna*]

I actually told DH just last night and BFF a few days ago that I am not scared at all. I'm not scared about going through labor or delivery and the chance to tear... I know it'll all happen and it will be the hardest and most painful thing ever, but I plan to practice and learn hypnobabies to get me through the pain and that helps the mind not think of it as "pain" but more like pressure. And I know the end result is having my baby in my arms so the pain is only for that time and I WILL GET THROUGH IT ... and DH is going to work at perenium massages (not needed til like 32 weeks but he wants to start now ) to loosen and soften those muscles to help minimize or avoid tearing!!! DH is cute about it.... says to me- want me to rub your perineum... he he I'm like OK!!! May seem silly now, but its fun And I'll do anything now to help the birth process!!!

[**Jenn**]

The perineal massage is great for helping to stretch things out and lessen the likelihood of tearing. We did that toward the end of my pregnancy with Loch but not consistently like we should have.

I feared the first bowel movement after I had Liam but it didn't hurt at all. It didn't hurt after Lochy either. And it didn't hurt me to pee either (just to wipe until I was healed--until you can wipe use that peri bottle to clean yourself and pat dry with toilet paper). Most hospital will give you a stool softener for the first bowel movement anyway and if they don't it can't hurt to have it available.

We DTD for the first time at 4 weeks PP after Liam and although it was tender it was fine after that first time. We DTD 2 weeks after having Loch and there wasn't any discomfort then. Just be sure to keep some lube on hand because you will be dry as the Sahara, especially if you're breastfeeding.

I have a friend who had a 4th degree episiotomy with all three of her kids and she's no worse for the wear. Everything still works as it did before.

I don't think chilbirth was the most painful thing ever. I had appendicitis when I was 8 and that was the most painful thing I ever went through! Childbirth is more intense than painful I would say (for me anyway). I actually had no pain with Liam (until they stalled me and wouldn't let me push until the dr. came in and got set up ). And it only got really intense (ie painful) for me with Loch after my water broke (at 5 1/2 cm) but then he was born 50 minutes later.

It's a means to an end. Just take things one contraction (or surge, as my hypnobirthing material calls them) at a time. You all will do just great!

[soImarriedAnerd]

I really appreciate the replies and am sorry to be so graphic lol! I feel better now. But what happens if you get the 3rd or 4th degree tear... do you go back to the original pre-torn state? I.e. does it affect your bowel control from birth onwards?

I'm prob paranoid about nothing, but I also don't want to be "scarred for life", KWIM? I guess women wouldn't have more than 1 child if this was the case. [/b]

My BFF had an episotomy (cut) and ended up with a 4th degree tear (she is 5 foot tall gained 82lbs during pregnancy and had a 10lb baby and they kept her on her back during pushing, most like to tear in that position--just thought I would throw that out there also). She took 6 weeks to heal and per her man at the time--"things are good down there" LOL--(i had to ask LOL). She had no long term side effects from it, she had two children after that one and she refused to be cut-both she had under 6 stitches for.
How ever you CAN end up with long term issues with a 4th degree tear, but the rate of long term complications in the bladder and bowels is LOWER then just being pregnant.

My opinion on the episotomy...... think of a t-shirt neck...if I pull and pull to try to rip it I MAY rip it but it takes a ton. Now imagine that same neck on a t-shirt but someone put a small cut in it...then I pull --what happens---it REALLY tears then. So your vagina is like the shirt neck LOL.

They can't prevent you from tearing but there are things you can do to lessen or decrease tear..... Perineum massage (before LABOR starts--like during your 3rd trimester), during pushing you should NOT be flat on your back (squatting or on all fours is best), controlled even pushes, when the crowning takes place to breath through it and not push (THIS IS THE BIGGEST THING), the midwife/doctor applying a little counter pressure when baby comes out (this just makes baby come out slower-which the breathing part does also), the m/w or MD doing some massage with oils or using warm compresses can help also. M/w are much better at this, MD rarely do much of it.

As far as the lose factor goes down there or even bladder issues..... this is were your kegels determine it. If you keep them in shape you will have less chance of long term issues (also strong kegels will help you control your pushing more). Post baby---Kegels can return you to normal tightness or still even improve (its just a muscle--if you strengthen its good, if you don't strengthen or use it --it gets weak/lose). If you have a c/s you are the highest risk of long term bladder issues....we are not nice to the bladder during that surgery PLUS you have the catheter--so its very common to have a UTI, but also its not uncommon to end up other bladder or bowels issues

Now onto bowels....the number one factor is whether you got pain meds or not--if you did-your going to take longer to have a BM and most likely you will be constipated. If you need a c/s- your the highest chance of constipation due to meds and manual manipulation of bowels PLUS continual pain meds post surgery. Constipation is usually the number one thing I hear moms complain about post baby, even more so then any tear or nipple soreness.
WATER WATER WATER WATER.....is SO key. Especially if your BF--you need even more. And stool softeners are often a good idea.


Me personally I am SO looking forward to childbirth, I am not scared of tearing, but am Majorly freaked out about an epidural...not even as much as a c/s.
Did I get it all answered for you fifi?