Feeling really left out x-posted

Alison81 · #1 October 10th, 2008, 04:59 PM

Most people I know who have a child my DD's age, almost 5, already have another child close in age. I feel like a freak or something. At DD's daycare, there are 3 moms that have a child her age or younger, and are pregnant or have a baby. And if they don't, they have a child a year or two older. I feel like being a mom of one doesn't happen to other people for more than 2 years, where I have been praying for a baby since she was 2, and now here she is turning 5 and I STILL am not pregnant! Am I the only one who has an older child, and doesn't have a sibling for them close in age?? I'm really feeling bad about it today.....I'm tired of DD saying, "so and so has a new baby sister/brother!" She wants a sibling so badly. She loves taking care of the younger kids at daycare, and I know she'd be a good big sister, but it's not happening.

I think I'm even more emotional because the one year anniversary of losing Marina is on sunday, and I am seriously in shock about it, I really thought I'd be very pregnant by now. I cannot believe I'm not.

I've been soo emotional tonight. I took one of my midstream cheapies this morning, and it was a very BFN after 10 minutes. I was so mad, upset, about seeing another BFN that I threw it against the wall. After 10 cycles of BFN's, I am NOT used to seeing them every month, it doesn't get easier. I just feel like nothing is going right. Dom doesn't seem like he wants our relationship to work out anymore, I HATE my job this year (I am a teacher's aide, and the new special educator is seriously crazy, and VERY passive aggressive, I feel like I am losing my mind everyday, and it's not worth it for what we make), and I am soo pmsy right now!! Thanks for listening!!

KatiInCT · #2 October 10th, 2008, 05:12 PM

sara~b · #3 October 10th, 2008, 05:50 PM

HUGS Ali! I am right there with you! Gemma asked me for a baby sister today. I had to tell her that there is NEVER going to be a baby sister. So then she told me a baby brother would be okay and I had to explain that there will be no more babies in mommy's tummy. It was very hard, probably harder for me than for her. But I really have a feeling that Dan is the guy for me. And he is dead set on having the big V ASAP. I don't have the heart to tell him that I still secretly dream of being a mommy again. I'm slowly coming to grips with that fact but it's not easy at all.

I really hope things start looking up for you soon. You definitely deserve much better than all the crap that's been thrown at you!

BambolinaItaliana · #4 October 10th, 2008, 08:00 PM

i am so sorry you are having a hard time!!!!! HUGS!!!!! i hope things look up!!

alicenwonderland · #5 October 10th, 2008, 08:04 PM

I'm sorry Ali. Lots of *hugs*

#6 October 10th, 2008, 08:17 PM

((((((Ali))))))

I'm so sorry you're going through all this. What has Dom said about you guys trying to work things out? I really hate to say this, but I feel like he's using you to satisfy his sexual needs but doesn't want the relationship

I hope I'm wrong

Mod-LadyCoconut · #7 October 10th, 2008, 09:53 PM

((((SUPER HUGE HUGS))) Ali. I'm so sorry. Especially with the timing of it all. That sucks.

Alison81 · #8 October 11th, 2008, 07:59 AM

Oh Fi, you may be right. I hope not too, but I haven't had the best luck with men. Most of them turn into jerks. I know how to pick em, I guess!

Thanks for the hugs, I needed them. I'm feeling better today. Planning on spending a fun day with DD.

lauren in hi · #9 October 11th, 2008, 10:50 AM

I'm sorry, Alison! Have a good day w/ Elsa!

petalfuzz · #10 October 11th, 2008, 06:12 PM

You'll be in my thoughts!

I'm still working on #1 but we want our kids to be close in age too--I'm sorry for you but these things happen, I guess. Try and enjoy your daughter and not focus on other kids for a while.