{{Please forgive any info you guys know}}

DH and I have been married since June and did not live together prior to being married. We both have sleep disorders-- he has sleep apnea and I have insomnia {treated with medication that often doesn't work}. We LOVE the nights we can sleep together in our bed, but that's only about 4 nights of the week, maybe 5. If we stay in bed, his snoring/CPAP drives me insane some nights, and my tossing and turning and getting up and lying back down makes him nuts.

So, many nights, one of us is on the couch and one is in the bed. We have a spare bedroom, and I was thinking about getting a twin bed to put in there so we can both be comfortable and save the wear and tear of someone always on the couch. I am afraid of what my ILs will say, but when it comes to sleep, we BOTH need it.

Does anyone sleep separately from DH for whatever reason? It's not that we don't love each other or enjoy sleeping in the same bed and cuddling up, it's just that no sleep= insanity {The hypothalumus, which causes my neck probs is recharged in sleep!}. He has said many times he doesn't mind sleeping on the couch or if I sleep on the couch, although "he misses me". I'm unsure of whether or not to bring up actually buying another bed-- I don't want to offend him. It would be easy to "justify" to people-- I think anyway, having the extra bed for "guests" or when my niece or nephew come over for the night. Obv. the baby isn't quite up to sleepovers yet but wed take him!

Any thoughts??

[**jessie**]

Me and DH don't sleep separately, but I have suffered from severe insomnia in the past so I can definitely relate to what you are going through there. After reading your post, my advice would be to do what you have to do. It's impossible to function without sleep. I would put a bed (or futon) into the guest room. I don't think anyone would question your reasons- you don't have to tell anyone you sleep in there some nights. You are bound to get better sleep on a bed rather than the couch. Don't feel guilty about it. You can still snuggle up with Mike before going to bed. And you can still sleep in the same room when it isn't so vital, like on the weekends or when you have a late start at work.

Sometimes I wish I had my own room! LMAO. Anyone that's been married long enough understands that.

I think another bed is s great idea. The fact that for most of the week you can sleep together is pretty good. Even if you just were able to 3 days a week that is pretty good. It doesn't mean you can't cuddle and stuff, just boot him out when its sleepy time!

As for us, every once in a while Dustin will sleep on the floor b/c our bed is crapola and he has a bad back. I miss him, but it is no biggie and I get over it once I become unconscious

Before the nursery was done up, we had a single bed through there and more often then not at times one of us would end up in there. Either... him after a night out (alcohol makes him snore like thnder), or if I got too hot I'd go through, or if one of us was sick. Or simply if one of us couldn't sleep.... gosh I miss that bed!!! The couch is so uncomfy!!!

There's nothing wrong in it at all!! We all need sleep and as long as you are both happy, who cares what anyone else thinks. No one has to know you guys use the spare room!

[*vi]

I know I've had problems with sleeping with DF sometimes. Sometimes he snores WAY too much and sometimes I just can't sleep. It's times like that when I wish we had a second bed for me to go to. I think it would be a great idea for you guys to get a second bed. It will be better for you both in the long run. who wants to sleep on the couch?

[petalfuzz]

We've been sleeping separate because of DH's schedule. I was sad at first, but now I enjoy having the bed to myself. He takes naps on the futon. No one needs to know you two use your "guest" bed. None of their bee's wax!

BTW I used to suffer from insomnia myself, so I feel ya! What worked for me was: no more caffeine (well, I still have tea occasionally), no more naps (I know--so sad!), and bedtime/rise time the same every day (even on the weekends--I know--sux!). I also take an herbal supplement occasionally with 3 mg melatonin and other herbal stuff.

ETA: My mom had success doing relaxation techniques she learned from a book. I can ask her what it was if you're interested!

[♥Ashley♥]

We dont sleep seperately, but I think you should totally get another bed and not worry what anyone says!!!!! If I had sleeping problems I would definitely sleep in another room! I NEED my sleep! Why should someone with sleeping disorders have to be punished by sleeping on the uncomfy couch? You both need you sleep!! Just tell your IL's its not that you dont want to sleep together, its just that it is literally impossible on some nights for you two to sleep together with your sleeping problems! No biggie!!

I hope you get a nice comfy bed!!!

[Resi]

Since Oliver was born we have been sleeping apart. At first it was because DH needed to get sleep before going to work. Now I think it's a bad habit. He is always falling asleep on the sofa. We have slept in the same bed maybe 4-6 times since Oliver was born. Oliver still sleeps with me but he doesn't cry when waking up. I get upset/sad that DH isn't in our bed but I can't make him.

I say get the guest bed and don't tell everyone your business. Just make sure to sleep together if you can!

[thepinkleprechaun]

We rarely sleep together because DF is working nights right now. It's not like you can't still be intimate and love each other if you do your actual sleeping in different rooms

Thanks ladies! I don't feel so weird now! Carolyn, thank you for the advice, but my insomnia problems are mostly due to breaking my driver's side window with my head while in a car accident in 2003. It was very bad accident and I've been on a myriad of sleep medications since. The one I'm on, called Deseryl/Trazadone, helps a ton 90% of the time. But some nights, I just plain don't sleep at all and last all the way through until the next night.


I asked Mike what he thought, and we decided that with some of our tax return money, we will get another bed-- mostly for me because I'm the one on the couch most of the time because he gets up early for work and I don't want to disturb him.

[Mars]

DH and I sleep together but we don't have the same sleep-related issues, although he snores sometimes and I have to keep bugging him to change positions.

Sleep is very important and in your case, I would get the extra bed for those nights when both of you can't cope. Just make sure that you try to get in some nights of sleeping together or at least cuddling before you go to separate beds.

Both of you will be walking zombies, cranky of of no use to yourselves if you are deprived of your sleep. If anyone asks, you can say it's a guest bed but honestly, it's none of their business.

[alicenwonderland]

I have insomnia as well. After getting married I could never sleep. I'd be up all night, and then I was supposed to be up by 5:30. I just couldn't do it. Now I work nights. I sleep during the day by myself, and suddenly i don't need medication anymore. Apparently I just needed quiet and my own bed. I don't think sleeping seperately hurts our relationship any. If anything, it makes it easier.

You have to do what you have to do! My grandparents used to sleep seperately because my grandpa snored so badly, and they were closer than any other married couple that I knew.

Trust me, MANY a times I have wished that DH and I didn't have to sleep in the same bed. It's nice to have a bed all to yourself so that you can truly relax, stretch, roll, etc.

[Lash]

Eh if sleeping together is the measure of a marriage, then we need to rethink the definitions! Honestly, of all things that could be important, I'd say the time you spend while awake together is much better than worrying about where you sleep-- just do what YOU need to do and forget everyone else

I gave Clint an anniv card the other day that said:

"We decided to take the best of what our parents gave us and leave the worst behind

We listened to what our friends had to say but let a lot of it slide

And we vowed, among other things, never to take each other for granted, because we know a love like this doesnt come to everyone

And we knew that if we just remembered how lucky we are, to have each other, everything else would work out all right

And it has"

Remember to listen to others but let alot of it slide...

[soImarriedAnerd]

Lauren LOVE that BTW!

Ok naughty girl opinion here!---so this could be a great thing--go have sex in his room and he can deal with the wet spot then you can go sleep nice and dry afterwards in your bed!

[ShannonMVT]

go have sex in his room and he can deal with the wet spot then you can go sleep nice and dry afterwards in your bed![/b]

Hah! Love it! We all hate the dreaded wet spot.

Here's the way it works in our house: I am a horribly light sleeper. I'm forever nudging Dh to turn over if he snores which makes him get crap sleep as well. We both sleep so much better apart and add to that, I keep later hours than he does because of work.
For awhile he was sleeping on the floor of the living room. Weird, but he likes the floor more than a bed because he says it feels good to his back. Lately he has been sleeping in the guest bedroom upstairs. It is really no one else's business. I just have to make sure the room and bathroom up there get cleaned up before guests come over and move him back into our bedroom!
I do miss cuddling in the morning sometimes so what we have done the past few weeks is just have him sleep in our bedroom on weekends. That way we can snuggle in the morning, which we wouldn't have time for during the week anyway.

Also if anyone asks about the bed, just tell them you wanted to have a guest bedroom. Simple as that.