[~Jess~]

This is the first out-of-home job I've applied for in nearly 10 years! The cover letter is fairly informal since it's for my kids preschool and so they've known me for nearly 4 years now. But can someone review it both for spelling/grammar as well as tell me if maybe I've been a bit too informal or if anything sounds "off?" Let me have it, really rip me apart, spare no feelings, I need this job, lol.

Thanks so much!

I'm turning it in tomorrow when I drop my boys off at preschool, so I'm looking for help ASAP! Thanks!

(director name)
Director of Preschool Ministries
(address)

Dear Ms. XXXXX,

Attached is my application for part-time employment. I have not specified a particular position because I am open to any position that you have available. While I have not worked outside of the home in several years, I have held other work-from-home positions in the areas of housekeeping, in-home child care, and independent contracting. I have accepted incoming phone calls for West Communications, and I am currently an SMS guide for ChaCha, for whom I perform internet research.

If given the opportunity, you will discover that I can efficiently perform just about any task that presents itself, from more complex activities such as bookkeeping to more menial tasks such as janitorial work. I’ll do anything or everything—and do it well—a quality that my previous employers have valued.

The work references that I attached were my supervisors while working for Washington Mutual. I have attached a separate sheet with personal references as well since the work references are outdated.

If possible, I’d like to schedule an interview to discuss my qualifications and any options that you may have available to me.

Sincerely,[/b]

TIA ladies!

Very nice! The only thing I have CC on is the 2nd paragraph. I don't think you need to go into that much detail about your personal situation. In fact, I might leave it out completely. I see that you are trying to reach out to them on a personal "this effects me" level, but since you already know them and they probably already LIKE you, I doubt its necessary. I might replace it with something mentioning how your boys attend the school, how much they enjoy it, and why that makes you want to work there.

[~Jess~]

Very nice! The only thing I have CC on is the 2nd paragraph. I don't think you need to go into that much detail about your personal situation. In fact, I might leave it out completely. I see that you are trying to reach out to them on a personal "this effects me" level, but since you already know them and they probably already LIKE you, I doubt its necessary. I might replace it with something mentioning how your boys attend the school, how much they enjoy it, and why that makes you want to work there.[/b]

If I omit it completely, I just wonder then if they might wonder why I don't just continue working from home rather than branch out to working out of the home. Any tips on how to convey it without personalizing it so much?

And this sentence looks like a horrible run-on, but I don't see how to fix it. Any suggestions? Or should I leave it?

However, I have had several work-from-home jobs including house cleaning, baby sitting, and independent contractor positions, both accepting incoming phone calls for West Communications, and as an SMS guide doing internet research for ChaCha—whom I still work for.[/b]

I would turn:

However, I have had several work-from-home jobs including house cleaning, baby sitting, and independent contractor positions, both accepting incoming phone calls for West Communications, and as an SMS guide doing internet research for ChaCha—whom I still work for[/b]

.

Into:

I have had several work-from-home jobs including: house cleaning, baby sitting, and independent contractor positions. Also, I have accepted incoming phone calls for West Communications, and I am currently an SMS guide for ChaCha, for whom I perform internet research.

[~Jess~]

I would turn:

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE

However, I have had several work-from-home jobs including house cleaning, baby sitting, and independent contractor positions, both accepting incoming phone calls for West Communications, and as an SMS guide doing internet research for ChaCha—whom I still work for[/b]

.

Into:

I have had several work-from-home jobs including: house cleaning, baby sitting, and independent contractor positions. Also, I have accepted incoming phone calls for West Communications, and I am currently an SMS guide for ChaCha, for whom I perform internet research.
[/b][/quote]



Thanks!

I'm gonna change it in the original post, so others will see the flow...

[..Christine..]

just my opinion- But I would also consider changing the "jack of all trades" - phrase just because I have always been taught not to use cliches....in professional letters, writing, or resumes. I also agree with Breanna about taking out your personal situation. If they ask why you want to start working outside the home then it might be appropriate to tell them but it really shouldn't matter....Sometimes people just want a change, sometimes they need to.....

[~Jess~]

just my opinion- But I would also consider changing the "jack of all trades" - phrase just because I have always been taught not to use cliches....in professional letters, writing, or resumes. I also agree with Breanna about taking out your personal situation. If they ask why you want to start working outside the home then it might be appropriate to tell them but it really shouldn't matter....Sometimes people just want a change, sometimes they need to.....[/b]

You're right, and it flows just as well without it. Thanks!

[soImarriedAnerd]

Due to the present state of the economy, the work available to me has decreased, and my husband is also facing a 10% cut in pay beginning in February.


To me ---This sounds more like your begging for a job in a "feel bad for me" way, not sure how to change it but I would. Otherwise I agree with the above girls. Good luck with the job!!!!

[~Jess~]

Due to the present state of the economy, the work available to me has decreased, and my husband is also facing a 10% cut in pay beginning in February.


To me ---This sounds more like your begging for a job in a "feel bad for me" way, not sure how to change it but I would. Otherwise I agree with the above girls. Good luck with the job!!!![/b]

Yeah, that is kinda what I'm doing, lol. I promised dh that I wouldn't get down on my knees and cry though, lmao.

I'll take it out.

[Mod-LadyCoconut]

Obviously you've edited the original letter since some of the posts I'm reading don't apply anymore... lol... but I just wanted to add that I'm glad you took out the part that said something about 'due to the economy' because you DONT want to come across as desperate or complaining. I get that you really need this job, and are willing to do just about whatever they can give you, but you also don't want to discredit yourself by saying you aren't worth a certain standard, ya know? So when you interview, make it clear you're eager to be hired, but also don't make it seem as though you're willing to do anything no matter how little the pay is... because if you don't show that you value yourself, why would they hire you? ya know?

I would change this --

You’ll notice upon review of said application that I have not worked outside the home in over 5 years. However, I have had several work-from-home jobs including: house cleaning, baby sitting, and independent contractor positions.[/b]

to something like this--

While I have not worked outside of the home in several years, I have held other work-from-home positions in the areas of residential cleaning, child care giving as well as independent contracting.

I'm not certain I prefer my wording, I just think that you can combine those two sentences so that you note that you haven't been in a career-type position in many years (don't draw attention specifically to how many) but you've done other things. Residential cleaning might be over the top, but I think child caregiver sounds better than babysitter.



What is on your resume (or the application you filled out?) If you've already listed things such as ChaCha etc. then I wouldn't reitterate them in the cover letter. I'm guessing though that you put down the WaMu stuff instead since that's where you mentioned your references coming from--?

I’ll do anything or everything—and do it well—a quality that my previous employers have valued.[/b]

The "I'll do anything or everything" part comes across a little more desperate than I'd prefer... but I really like the end of the sentence. Maybe someone would have a good way of re-wording that. I'm willing to go above and beyond any challenge that may arise... I'm eager to meet any challenges that may present themselves... I don't know.

haha sorry I'm not much help... I'm trying to pick apart but I think overall it would be just fine the way it is!

Good Luck!

[~Jess~]

Obviously you've edited the original letter since some of the posts I'm reading don't apply anymore... lol... but I just wanted to add that I'm glad you took out the part that said something about 'due to the economy' because you DONT want to come across as desperate or complaining. I get that you really need this job, and are willing to do just about whatever they can give you, but you also don't want to discredit yourself by saying you aren't worth a certain standard, ya know? So when you interview, make it clear you're eager to be hired, but also don't make it seem as though you're willing to do anything no matter how little the pay is... because if you don't show that you value yourself, why would they hire you? ya know?

I would change this --
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE

You’ll notice upon review of said application that I have not worked outside the home in over 5 years. However, I have had several work-from-home jobs including: house cleaning, baby sitting, and independent contractor positions.[/b]

to something like this--

While I have not worked outside of the home in several years, I have held other work-from-home positions in the areas of residential cleaning, child care giving as well as independent contracting.

I'm not certain I prefer my wording, I just think that you can combine those two sentences so that you note that you haven't been in a career-type position in many years (don't draw attention specifically to how many) but you've done other things. Residential cleaning might be over the top, but I think child caregiver sounds better than babysitter.[/b][/quote]

I like your wording better. I didn't put ChaCha or any other work-from-home info anywhere on my application. I'm not an employee & can't provide any contact info. The pay is the same for every position they have--minimum wage ($8/hr)--so I don't care what position I get. The big perk of working for them is FREE childcare for all 3 kids. I'm currently paying them over $300 a month right now & that will go away if they hire me. I'm actually more afraid that they'll think I'm too overqualified for any of their positions, so I do want to stress that I'm willing to take any open position even though I have a corporate background, kwim?

It's almost guaranteed that you will get an interview- that is where you can explain yourself, if you will (the overqualified thing, why you really want to work there, etc)

[Miracle]

From what I read, I think it sounds really good, but I agree with Shannon- I would change "baby sitting" to something else like taking care of children or something.

[Mod-LadyCoconut]

free child-care would ROCK! I hate the 'too qualified' stuff... but I think you'll be great for whatever because as a SAHM mom you have to handle anything & everything that comes your way... and obviously you don't have a problem being around children! I hope you get in with them!

[~Jess~]

Okay, I just printed it out with all your changes on it! Thanks ladies!!!! It's not too late if anyone else has input though.

I missed it all cos I was busy in snooze-land Sounds fab Jess!! KUP!!

[Angelaosaurus-rex]

It looks great! KUP!!!

[Mars]

I'm most likely reading this too late but wanted to wish you good luck. I hope you get through.

[petalfuzz]

I just read the "edited" version and think it sounds great! I hope you get something--woot woot!

[Resi]

GL! The edited letter looks great to me.