How can I reassure DH

#1 January 13th, 2009, 10:13 AM

A few times since I've fell pregnant, DH has asked if I'll still love him when the baby is here

I feel so bad for him. I think my TTC obsession has perhaps made him feel used or something? I don't know?

He's scared that now I have "my" baby, I'll leave him or not love or need him anymore. He askeed again today. I don't know how to answer it other than "don't be silly" which is patronising or to say of course I will... but is it enough? Ok so having a baby is of huge importance to me, but so is he! I mean, we created this baby together, and therefore it makes me love him even more. The baby is part of us both.

I'm not sure how else I can reassure him

Kiwi · #2 January 13th, 2009, 10:15 AM

I would tell him exactly what you just wrote:

"Ok so having a baby is of huge importance to me, but so is he! I mean, we created this baby together, and therefore it makes me love him even more. The baby is part of us both."

♥Ashley♥ · #3 January 13th, 2009, 10:20 AM

Quote:

I would tell him exactly what you just wrote:

"Ok so having a baby is of huge importance to me, but so is he! I mean, we created this baby together, and therefore it makes me love him even more. The baby is part of us both."[/b]

Silly DH, of course you love him!!!

*JenJen* · #4 January 13th, 2009, 10:20 AM

just tell him what you wrote, reassure him that this is not Fif's baby, its Fi and Stewart's baby. This baby will only make you love him more because the two of you created it together.

#5 January 13th, 2009, 10:24 AM

Awh, maybe you could show him this post? Or spend a day hanging out with him doing all sorts of his favorite activities or something. Dustin told me recently that he felt like we were becoming a little distant. I think that happens since we get to experience the baby 24/7, and its a bond they don't have with the baby until its born. Spending even more quality time together could help reassure him.

I bet once your little one arrives, he will start to feel a bit better because he can be more involved, you know? He will be such a sweet daddy!

chellerenee · #6 January 13th, 2009, 10:29 AM

Yeah, I was gonna say something similar. Tell him that most women actually say they fall in love with their husbands all over again just seeing them with the baby. It's a totally different kind of love, but it's very strong, so I hear. Like you said, knowing the baby is part of you and him. I think alot of guys have these feelings and that's alot of the reason why so many guys are hesitant to TTC at first. I know Chris has asked me the same thing before, and I tell him pretty much what you said. I hope you can make him feel reassured.

Michelle

CandaceDianne · #7 January 13th, 2009, 11:04 AM

Quote:

just tell him what you wrote, reassure him that this is not Fif's baby, its Fi and Stewart's baby. This baby will only make you love him more because the two of you created it together.[/b]

Just tell him exactly what you said. He will understand eventually.

#8 January 13th, 2009, 11:16 AM

thanks girls. these are the things I have been saying. but i never really thought about the whole I'm with the baby 24/7 right now, whereas he isnt. He doesn't like the feeling of the baby moving inside me, it freaks him a little

so I guess he really needs to see and hold the baby now.

Resi · #9 January 13th, 2009, 11:36 AM

Quote:

thanks girls. these are the things I have been saying. but i never really thought about the whole I'm with the baby 24/7 right now, whereas he isnt. He doesn't like the feeling of the baby moving inside me, it freaks him a little

so I guess he really needs to see and hold the baby now.[/b]

After you have your baby he will know you love him just as much if not more. I think it's a normal guy fear to have.

Damon didn't like feeling our baby move when inside me either. He told me after Oliver was born that he never connected with me having his baby because it didn't feel real to him. Once he saw Oliver he cried and fell in love at hearing that first cry. Stewart will be the same way! It's the most wonderful thing ever.

petalfuzz · #10 January 13th, 2009, 12:24 PM

When DH or I have something to say that we really want to say heart-to-heart, we sit facing each other and join both hands and speak while looking into our eyes. It's a very intimate way to communicate. Please try this with your hubby. You can even practice what you want to say first--actually I recommend it because the instant you look into your love's eyes, you'll start to tear up. It's guaranteed to sink in to his brain that this is an adventure for the both of you and you're carrying this baby for 9 months, but he can carry his baby for the rest of his/her life, you know?

#11 January 13th, 2009, 12:34 PM

Resi, thanks for being honest, makes me feel a whole lot better! I know he's excited about jellybaby, I think he just needs to see him/her in the physical sense now.