My little boy cat is gone

ShannonMVT · #1 January 13th, 2009, 10:27 AM

As a warning, this is going to be a very sad and possibly upsetting post.

We went to the emergency clinic to pick up Justin and spoke with the vet and had plans to transfer him to my vet and later, to the cardiologist. But instead of bringing him to us in his carrier, they called us back. Once they took him out of the oxygen, within a few minutes he was having trouble breathing. He was gasping and struggling to get away. I knew then what would happen. My husband asked what else we could do for him and the vet said it was time to talk about euthenasia. He was gasping and threw up and I asked if there was nothing more than could do and the vet said no. I couldn't stand to see him in pain like that so they injected the meds as I told him that his mommy loved him. We got to pet him and tell him goodbye and I clipped a tiny bit of hair to take with us to place with his ashes. We decided to get him cremated because if we buried him our backyard we were worried about the fact that we will eventually move.

It all happened so fast I didn't really have to time to process it or remember it exactly. I hate that his last moments were in pain like that and that he had so much testing done yesterday that was uncomfortable, but if I hadn't given him every chance I know I would have regretted it. I do know that last night he looked comfortable in his oxygen cage and he was on morphine. They said he wanted to sit in his litterbox so they put the t-shirt that smelled like my husband that I had brought in there with him. They said he just cuddled up in that shirt all night.

David and I are devastated. My family had outdoor cats when I grew up, but this is the first pet I've lost that is mine. It hurts so much to know I will never get to hold him or pet him again. Everywhere I look I see reminders of him and our previously two cat household. So far Stormy doesn't seem to be bothered by his absense.

I know logically that it won't always hurt this much, but right now it feels so unbearable. I have so many regrets that I should have spent more time with him, taken more pictures, been kinder and more patient. I'd give anything to have him peeing outside the litterbox, meowing and not leaving me alone and sneaking into the bedroom where he's not supposed to go. I feel so guilty. I just hope he knew how loved he was.

I never thought he would die so young. I thought for sure with my indoor kitties that they'd both live to ripe old ages and our kids would grow up knowing them. Right now it's hard to even pet Stormy because it makes me think about Justin and how I'll never feel his fur again.

I'm just aching inside. Those of you who lost pets, how do you get through this?

Here is the last picture taken of my boy, a few weeks ago by my husband. He was cuddling with my shoes. We had finally got a new camera that captured their eyes (old one didn't do well). And now this the last one we'll ever have.

#2 January 13th, 2009, 10:38 AM

Oh Shannon, I'm so sorry

I'm sure he knew how much you both loved him. Losing a pet really, really hurts, and I have no advice for how to deal with it. You are in my thoughts though

ScottishBrit · #3 January 13th, 2009, 10:45 AM

Im sorry Shannon, I know how hard it is to lose a pet....

#4 January 13th, 2009, 10:48 AM

I'm very very sorry for your loss Shannon!

greeneyes · #5 January 13th, 2009, 11:06 AM

Oh no, sweetie. I am so sorry. *big, big hugs*

#6 January 13th, 2009, 11:12 AM

((((((((((((((huggles)))))))))))))))))))) I'm so sorry to read of this. There's not really a way to get through it

You just do it how you feel is right for you, be it a memorial plant or something that is special to you both to remember him by.

Resi · #7 January 13th, 2009, 11:57 AM

How heartbreaking. I know it's very hard to have to say goodbye to a kitty. I had to put my almost 2 yr old cat to sleep almost 6 years ago. It was very hard. I cried for a long time and missed her so much. I questioned if what I did was best. The guilt is very hard to deal with. I know it's hard to feel you will get over this pain but as time passes it will get easier. Just remember that you did everything you could to make him comfortable and did what was best for him. What helped me was taking in another cat when I felt ready.

~* Helen *~ · #8 January 13th, 2009, 12:02 PM

Oh sweetie

I'm so sorry xx

petalfuzz · #9 January 13th, 2009, 12:18 PM

I am so sorry for you! I know that the pain you are feeling is real--so don't let anyone tell you, "well it's just a cat." He was your companion and friend and you loved him very much.

You'll be in my thoughts.

Hoosier Kitty · #10 January 13th, 2009, 12:21 PM

OMG! Noooooo I'm sooooooooooooo sorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry

This happened way too fast! I thought about you and your boy cat!!! oh i'm so sorry.. please know he knew you loved him and he's in heaven with your angel boy watching over you and your baby!!!

HopeWishWait · #11 January 13th, 2009, 12:34 PM

I'm so sorry sweetie. I've lost pets in the past and I know how empty you feel right when it happens...it's one of the worst. Remember all the good times you had with him and try to stay strong.

Mars · #12 January 13th, 2009, 01:00 PM

I'm so sorry.

ANGWife · #13 January 13th, 2009, 04:20 PM

Oh Shannon, you totally made me cry.

Did Justin have a collar? When we had to put my cat down last May (I'm actually due the exact day we put her down!) I was devastated. I keep her collar in my pocket for a long time. And every time I cried or felt upset about her, I would reach in and rub the collar. It was soothing somehow. Did he have a little toy that could serve the same purpose.

When I was ready to move on, I made sure to adopt another cat from the animal shelter. Well all my cats have been from there. But I love the feeling of providing a safe and warm home for another cat in need. And when the pain has gotten lighter, I think Justin would appreciate you adopting a new kitty in his honor.

Hang in there!

Oriyan · #14 January 13th, 2009, 04:56 PM

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

**Jenn** · #15 January 13th, 2009, 05:05 PM

I'm so sorry Shannon. Big hugs to you and your husband.

Mod-LadyCoconut · #16 January 13th, 2009, 06:57 PM

Oh Shannon. ((((BIG HUGS)))) I really don't have any words to say that would be comforting. We've had to put down several of our animals throughout my life and it's always so very hard. I haven't had to be the one to make that call... and I know that when Rilo's time comes it'll be about a billion times harder than it was with our family pets growing up, and that was seriously rough. I'm so very sorry you lost Justin. It's just not fair. But he absolutely knew he was loved, and with him being on the morphine and the warmer and with you and DH right there, I'm sure your little guy went in peace. UGH, I'm sure these last few days have been a whirlwind for you, and I'm just so sorry. Hang in there.

Alison81 · #17 January 13th, 2009, 07:03 PM

I'm so, so sorry, he was beautiful. I have not lost a pet in adulthood, and I know I would be absolutely heartbroken if I had to say goodbye to my doggie. I will send you lots of strength and hugs.

chellerenee · #18 January 13th, 2009, 07:11 PM

(((HUGS))) to you and your DH! I'm so sorry. He was such a beautiful kitty! I am terrified of having to put down one of our puppies. It will be like losing one of our children. I'm so so sorry. Hopefully over time, you'll heal and maybe be able to give another kitty a good home.

Michelle

A*LOT*OF*HOPE · #19 January 13th, 2009, 08:01 PM

Im so sorry Shannon!!! Please excuse any spelling errors, I am bawling!!! I am so in love with my cat, and can't imagine losing him!!!! I love the kitty eulogy, it made me cry the hardest!!! He was a very beautiful cat!!!! They say the best way to heal when you have lost a pet, is to focus your attention on a new pet!! You gave your kitty such a good home, he would want you to give another kitty great home!! Maybe get a kitty from a shelter or pound, one that needs some serious love!!!! Im sending you tons of hugs!!