Got some sad news today

#1 January 13th, 2009, 05:43 PM

My sister who is 9 1/2 weeks pregnant had her first ultrasound today. They found a yolk sak but no signs of a baby

She goes back in on Thursday for the results of her bloodwork and a more detailed ultrasound. We're praying for the best but expecting the worst. She was so sad when she called to tell me, it absolutely broke my heart. If you could keep her in your t&p that would be great. She wanted this baby so badly and was so excited

It was hard for me to hear the pain in her voice, I wish I could take some of her pain away from her.

#2 January 13th, 2009, 05:52 PM

I'm sorry Bre! I'll be praying for her tonight!!!

midnight_starr · #3 January 13th, 2009, 05:54 PM

Oh no.. I am so sorry to hear that.. I'll be keeping her in my thoughts.

*kyle* · #4 January 13th, 2009, 05:55 PM

Oh, poor Bre... poor sis. That is EXACTLY what happened to me. Although thankfully, I was a little earlier along than your sister is, however, I had told all family/friends and was over the moon, just like her. My heart goes out to her, and all of my sympathy, it is truly devastating.

The first thing she needs to hear is: it's not your fault. Nothing causes blighted ovum. It was nothing she did or didn't do, nothing she ate, nothing she drank. It was JUST BAD LUCK - a fluke. It could happen to anyone at any time. Blighted ovum is the cause of 50% of all miscarriages, so she is far from alone. It does NOT increase her chances of m/c in the future - she'll have the exact same chances of a healthy baby the next time she gets PG.

For the first 3 or 4 weeks after my blighted ovum, I really didn't want people tip-toeing around the subject. I wanted people to acknowledge what had happened and allow me to talk about it (even if it was just me crying, or complaining and hating the world). It hurt me to think of all the people I had "disappointed." My guess is your sis is going to go through many of the same feelings. Also, she'll be mourning lots of things besides "just" the lost baby. She'll also be mourning the loss of her pregnant status, her due date, and all the dreams she had of being a mommy.

After the first month or so, I got kind of obsessed about everyone who gets pregnant easily, takes it for granted, etc. I was pretty bitter. My favorite people during that time were people who would commiserate with me. I wanted to hear, "You're so right... the world does suck... it's so unfair!" Also, it now totally makes me feel good whenever someone talks about "when you get pregnant again... when you have a baby shower... when you have kids." I am now at a point where I want to be super positive about my chances of having a healthy full term baby in the future.

The only thing you should definitely not say is: "There was something wrong with the baby and that's why nature flushed it out." Those words don't comfort, they just make you feel like you made a garbage fetus.

Please let your sister know that she's not alone, that her pain is shared and felt by others, but that she will make it through this and will eventually have that healthy baby that she wants so badly.

~Caroline~ · #5 January 13th, 2009, 06:01 PM

I'm keeping your sister in my thoughts Breanna. I think Kyle gave you good advice.

*Anna* · #6 January 13th, 2009, 06:07 PM

Oh Breanna- I'm sooo sorry and I will say a prayer for your sister tonight!!!!

soImarriedAnerd · #7 January 13th, 2009, 06:20 PM

She's in my thoughts.

chellerenee · #8 January 13th, 2009, 06:27 PM

I'm so sorry to hear this. She is in my thoughts.

Michelle

greeneyes · #9 January 13th, 2009, 07:08 PM

Oh, Breanna, sweetie, I'm so sorry.

Poor sis, my heart goes out to her.

#10 January 13th, 2009, 07:32 PM

Quote:

Oh, poor Bre... poor sis. That is EXACTLY what happened to me. Although thankfully, I was a little earlier along than your sister is, however, I had told all family/friends and was over the moon, just like her. My heart goes out to her, and all of my sympathy, it is truly devastating.

The first thing she needs to hear is: it's not your fault. Nothing causes blighted ovum. It was nothing she did or didn't do, nothing she ate, nothing she drank. It was JUST BAD LUCK - a fluke. It could happen to anyone at any time. Blighted ovum is the cause of 50% of all miscarriages, so she is far from alone. It does NOT increase her chances of m/c in the future - she'll have the exact same chances of a healthy baby the next time she gets PG.

For the first 3 or 4 weeks after my blighted ovum, I really didn't want people tip-toeing around the subject. I wanted people to acknowledge what had happened and allow me to talk about it (even if it was just me crying, or complaining and hating the world). It hurt me to think of all the people I had "disappointed." My guess is your sis is going to go through many of the same feelings. Also, she'll be mourning lots of things besides "just" the lost baby. She'll also be mourning the loss of her pregnant status, her due date, and all the dreams she had of being a mommy.

After the first month or so, I got kind of obsessed about everyone who gets pregnant easily, takes it for granted, etc. I was pretty bitter. My favorite people during that time were people who would commiserate with me. I wanted to hear, "You're so right... the world does suck... it's so unfair!" Also, it now totally makes me feel good whenever someone talks about "when you get pregnant again... when you have a baby shower... when you have kids." I am now at a point where I want to be super positive about my chances of having a healthy full term baby in the future.

The only thing you should definitely not say is: "There was something wrong with the baby and that's why nature flushed it out." Those words don't comfort, they just make you feel like you made a garbage fetus.

Please let your sister know that she's not alone, that her pain is shared and felt by others, but that she will make it through this and will eventually have that healthy baby that she wants so badly.[/b]

Thank you Kyle. If she comes to me, I might be at a loss for words and not know how to help her. I've never lost a baby, so I can't know what she is feeling. Your perspective truly helps and I will remember this when we talk again.