Duuude... I thought the 2WW was bad!!!

*kyle* · #1 January 21st, 2009, 05:31 PM

I feel like I'm one week into a 4WW right now... a limbo in which I'm pregnant, but not exactly TRULY PREGNANT because I can't relax or make plans for this baby until I actually SEE a baby on an ultrasound screen.

Despite all of my effort to think only good thoughts, a few thoughts of fear and doubt have crept in. Right now, my good thoughts basically amount to: "What are the odds of being so horribly unlucky twice in a row?"

I've noticed that every symptom and lack of symptom automatically get compared to "Last Time." Last Time I felt this, Last Time I didn't feel that... I'm trying to have as different a pregnancy as possible, hoping not to see ANY similarities between my two pregnancies. I am sure that's natural, but it's dragging me down a little. It makes it harder for me to just enjoy THIS pregnancy.

I guess what I'm feeling is, a lack of joy, or a lack of the innocence and naivete of first pregnancy. I can no longer make the assumption that being pregnant means that I'll have a baby in 9 months. So it is hard to be positive all the time. I'm just in a limbo right now, waiting on an answer that I have no choice but to wait for, and might in the end not even be the answer that I want so badly.

ETA: Just wanted to be clear that I AM grateful to be pregnant and fully acknowledge that I am blessed JUST to have the chance of a healthy baby... when so many don't have that. Just feeling very impatient, and worrying more than I should...

ANGWife · #2 January 21st, 2009, 05:58 PM

Totally understand!!

When I got pregnant the second time, I was constantly worried that it wouldn't last. Each time I went to the bathroom, it was a private mini victory with myself that baby was okay. Luckily, the rest of pregnancy seems to fly by

#3 January 21st, 2009, 06:00 PM

I'm sorry Kyle!! I noticed you keep testing lol.. I think that THIS bean and THIS pregnancty are quite well stuck, but if you doubt it:

Bacon flogging for you!!!

No really, here's even some CEMENT

for you! Pour it over your head and dance!!!

*Anna* · #4 January 21st, 2009, 07:19 PM

I was a little like you are Kyle... I had my first appt at 8 weeks... and they did an u/s then. But from 4-8 weeks I just enjoyed every day and forced myself to not worry. DH was cute too and told me 1 time that I couldn't change what was inevitable. And he was right. So I drank my water and ate healthy. And about 6 weeks I got m/s and had that til 11 weeks... and I was better after that.

So its normal, and we're here for you. Hope the next few weeks fly for you

Mod-LadyCoconut · #5 January 21st, 2009, 07:22 PM

Everything you're feeling sounds totally normal, as crappy as it is. I too wish you could just completely 100% enjoy this pregnancy and know whole heartedly that it will work out. I hate that you have you still have to worry and I hope that you can relax and enjoy all of this very soon.

More sticky dust!

soImarriedAnerd · #6 January 21st, 2009, 08:20 PM

TOTALLY understandable!!!!!

~Caroline~ · #7 January 21st, 2009, 08:59 PM

I understand your fear, I'm sure I will feel the same way once I'm pregnant. I'm sending you all the good thoughts that I can. I want your little bean to stick! I think it will.

amazing_love · #8 January 21st, 2009, 10:20 PM

It sounds like it very normal to feel this way! Sorry you're so worried, i hope this time flies by and you get some peace of mind soon. I too really feel this will be a sticky bean!!

*JenJen* · #9 January 21st, 2009, 11:35 PM

I 100000% understand. I don't think I will ever relax and believe that a pregnancy is really real until I get past my loss mark and see an ultrasound with a healthy baby on it.

#10 January 22nd, 2009, 01:24 AM

I haven't had a loss, so I'm commenting based on the fears I had at the start of my pregnancy. In the UK, we don't get any scans or blood tests until 12 weeks. I recall those 12 weeks constantly thinking - what if I've imagined all this? Despite the lack of AF, then the nausea and indigestion kicked in at 6 weeks... I still had this "what if" in my mind. When I saw baby on the u/s at 12 weeks, it's like nothing else, complete confirmation, but it still didn't feel "real" until baby started kicking the crap out of me

It's only natural you are so fearful, I can't imagine how much more multiplied it is after you've had a loss.

(((((((((((((((((huggles))))))))))))))))))) Sending you positive thinking vibes

~* Helen *~ · #11 January 22nd, 2009, 01:42 AM

I know exactly what you mean Fi, being in the UK also I didn't get a scan til I was 10 weeks !!! I was petrified going in there thinking they would find something wrong or they wouldn't find anything there

Its an awful feeling Kyle and totally understandable xx

LisanAndy · #12 January 22nd, 2009, 04:26 AM

All the girls summed it up but know that I'm praying for you and your baby. It's a scary thing to not know what's exactly going on in your body during early pregnancy ((HUGS))

petalfuzz · #13 January 22nd, 2009, 05:40 AM

It seems everything's already been said, but I hope you can focus on your inner self and find some peace. It will work out, and you will have a baby!

**Jenn** · #14 January 22nd, 2009, 06:03 AM

I completely understand how you feel Kyle. My second pregnancy (Liam) I didn't get an u/s until I was 12 weeks. Despite the morning sickness I wouldn't embrace it until i had proof. Lochy was the same way. I had an u/s with him at 8 weeks but I still couldn't shake that bad feeling for at least another month. Personally I just have a really hard time bonding and accepting in that first trimester and I don't start to feel more secure about things until I can feel regular movements. The fear is natural. We all know that you are incredibly grateful for this pregnancy but it doesn't take away the bad feelings that tend to creep into your head.