[~Jess~]

Let me preface this by saying that I really dislike my mil. I mean, I really really dislike her. So I'm not sure if I'm just pissed because I don't like her, or if it's a valid reason for being upset.

Background, dh has been working on building a fort for the boys in the backyard. He built it right up against the wall that borders on a really nice gated ritzy community. When he was almost done with it, an inspector showed up on our doorstep & informed dh that it has to be moved 5 feet away from the wall & lowered a couple of feet. Having to move it is causing it to cost a lot more money than we expected, but we're dealing with it.

Soooo....dh went over to his grandma's house to borrow some tools. And she says to him "you need money." and he looked at her funny and said "No, we don't, we're fine." And she said "Well, your mother called me and told me that you need money and I should give you money."

Here's why I'm upset.

#1. This was NONE of MIL's business. We haven't even talked to her about the expense and she doesn't even know wth she's talking about.

#2. If someone wants to give us money for the kids or whatever, that's FINE. I will never turn down money for our kids, but I don't need someone going around to family saying "*I* can't afford to give Jess & dh money, but they need it, so YOU give it to them." WTH?

#3. Grandma is on a VERY fixed income. She has personally told me that she gets a little over $1000 a month to live off of, and she has ALWAYS been very generous with us as far as giving us anniversary presents, all of the kids birthday & Christmas presents, etc. She gave us $150 CASH for Christmas this year! It was wrong wrong wrong of MIL (who has an income of nearly 4 times gma) to tell gma to give us money, given her present financial situation. ((I adore gma in case you can't tell, lol))

So, anyway, I'm pissed. I don't need people going around saying we're broke and need money! Yes, we're broke. I don't make a secret of it. Yes, this is an unexpected expense. But we're not selfish enough to go asking for ppl to help us out so that we can build a fort for our kids! Puh-lease. It's not like we're starving or something. I just want to call mil and tell her she's a selfish ##### and to butt the hell out. Of course, I would NEVER do that as much as I hate her.

Anyway, am I letting my dislike of mil skew my feelings on this? Was she just trying to help us from the goodness of her heart & I'm just being ######y? Or is this a valid complaint?

Thx ladies!

I understand you - how dare she comment on your finances to anyone. Ok if you were had no food in the house, no heating, etc, but really! The fort isn't an "essential" item, KWIM? It's a luxury. And ok, it has to be moved but that's cool. It'll get done. It's none of her business. I agree!!

[*JenJen*]

I'd be outright pissed. IMO its no ones business but yours to ask for money if you need it. It'd be one thing if your kids were starving or wearing absolute rags, but this is not that situation. your MIL needs to back the F up and quit meddling.

[Mars]

I don't think it was right of her to ask you grandma to give you guys money. If she knew of the situation and think you needed help she should have offered to help herself but it's not right to go discussing your business with someone else and asking that person to help you out. I would be furious and chances are I would say something but that's just me. I'm a pretty private person so I would not be appreciative of anyone discussing my business, financial or otherwise, without my consent.

[~Jess~]

I don't think it was right of her to ask you grandma to give you guys money. If she knew of the situation and think you needed help she should have offered to help herself but it's not right to go discussing your business with someone else and asking that person to help you out. I would be furious and chances are I would say something but that's just me. I'm a pretty private person so I would not be appreciative of anyone discussing my business, financial or otherwise, without my consent.[/b]

EXACTLY. IF she offered us money, I'd take it, but to go around telling OTHER ppl to give us money??? Hell naw!

Okay, I'm glad I have reason to be pissed.

I can't say anything because dh is very sensitive about my feelings towards his mom (rightly so--I really dislike her, lol). He's upset too, but doesn't want to "stress her out" so nothing is going to be said to her.

[Resi]

I agree with Mari.

[*Anna*]

I agree with the other girls. She shouldn't tell anyone else to give you $... let alone grandma who's on a fixed income! That is so rude!

Hope it all works out, and can we see pics of the fort!!!

[soImarriedAnerd]

I will go beat down your MIL if you go beat down Troy's mom!
I can't believe she was telling OTHER people to give you money---*mouseslaps your MIL*

[Mod-LadyCoconut]

Angela... sounds like a GREAT compromise!



You have every right to be angry. You aren't going to be thrilled about her butting in and personally giving you money just because you don't like her... but to tell someone else (even if they were loaded!) that they need to give you money is bossy, bgitchy and INSULTING. Sure, if you needed that $ for essentials and were 'too proud to ask' or something... fine, offere the money, and if you can't but someone close to you can, MAYBE put a bug in their ear. But grandma doesn't have the $ to spend on YOUR luxuries. That's what this fort is, a luxury. And by taking someone else's $ who can't afford to be without it, it's making it look like you two don't budget or save and are living some extravagant lifestyle. It's taking away the gift you were giving to the boys and attaching someone else's name to the Thank You, as if you and DH couldn't have figured out a way to move it on your own.

My blood would be boiling. I'd be biting my tongue so hard it would bleed for sure. I'm in a similar position with my FFIL were Ben knows how much I Can't stand him so I have to be extra sensitive, even when he DESERVES to be chewed out. It sucks because if you and MIL were friends, you could totally confront her about this and tell her she's being a bitty... but since you don't like her, you really can't say anything. UGH!

... has she broken any dishwashers lately? you could go jam hers!

[lauren in hi]

You're right to be upset. That is none of her business, and how dare she try to guilt Caleb's grandma into giving you guys $! (JW...is that her mom or her MIL?) Anyway, I know you have MIL issues as do I...it's tough when your DH doesn't want to get in the middle of it...

[.Brandi.]

Your anger is definitely valid!!! I'm sure you're feelings for her make the situation even worse. But I would absolutely be angry with her. My issue with it is this: If she is so concerned about you and DH and the kiddos, why didn't she offer any support (financially, emotionally, etc)? Instead of "forcing" it upon someone who simply tries to help out of the goodness of her heart. Even though DH is sensitive about his mother, he should still say something. She crossed a line that she was not invited to cross and she also pushed Grandma over the line. What is it with MILs?? I said to mine once that I wanted a house with about 5 rooms for our kids and my Grandmother and my MIL said "Oh, that'll be great because you can leave your kids with your grandmother and she can babysit them while you go and get a job!" WTH???

[ShannonMVT]

Your MIL was way out of line. I'd be ticked as well.

I second the request for pics of the fort!

[~Jess~]

I will go beat down your MIL if you go beat down Troy's mom![/b]

DEAL

... has she broken any dishwashers lately? you could go jam hers! [/b]

Bahahaha. She doesn't have a dishwasher, she's broken every one FIL has ever bought her so he stopped buying them. She says that he never buys her good ones and that is the problem. Uh-huh. I swear my dishwasher doesn't work the same ever since Alyssa was born either.

You're right to be upset. That is none of her business, and how dare she try to guilt Caleb's grandma into giving you guys $! (JW...is that her mom or her MIL?) Anyway, I know you have MIL issues as do I...it's tough when your DH doesn't want to get in the middle of it... [/b]

Her mother. Dh's grandma. I don't know how that woman raised such a bossy nagging #####. Luckily dh was practically raised by gma cuz his mom couldn't handle him for more than 2 weeks at a time ( & he was an easy kid.) Who knows what institution he'd be in if he'd been 100% raised by his parents.

Thanks for all the support, ladies!

In progress pic of the fort:

[Mod-LadyCoconut]

That's not a fort that's a SECOND HOUSE! Tell your stupid MIL that's where she's staying next time she comes! hahahaha

Seriously, that 'fort' is incredible... the boys are going to have so much fun playing in it!

[soImarriedAnerd]

Dang that fort is huge! SCORE for the kids!!!!

[ShannonMVT]

That's not a fort that's a SECOND HOUSE! Tell your stupid MIL that's where she's staying next time she comes! hahahaha

Seriously, that 'fort' is incredible... the boys are going to have so much fun playing in it![/b]

It's the MIL suite! LMAO!!!!!

[Mars]

The fort is a lovely work in progress!!Your kids must be so excited about it. It just sucks that it has to be moved.

[petalfuzz]

Great fort! I'm sorry about your MIL, she sounds like a piece of work!

[BambolinaItaliana]

It's the MIL suite! LMAO!!!!!
[/b]

that is too funny Shannon!!!!! i would be upset too!

[**Jenn**]

I think you have every right to be upset. I get along great with my in laws (we live with them too!) but I would be upset if my mil did something like that. Being friends though I would call her on it. It sucks that you can't approach your mil about her behavior.

And that is a kick @ss fort!!! Your kids are gonna love it!