I'm getting quite axnious about my parents coming to visit when baby arrives. Let me paint the picture... They live 3 hours away from us. Mum is disabled, she can't get into our house at all as we have steps at both front & back doors, our sofas are too low for her, our bathroom is upstairs so no toilet facilities for her even if she could get in. When they come to visit they stay over at the travel lodge (a cheaper version of a hotel), which is at the other end of town from us.

Mum is adamant she will come down when I go into labour. I've managed to talk her out of that - it's pointless, it could be days and I'll be in hospital during and after delivery. So she's now adamant they'll come down as soon as baby arrives... What's wrong with that I hear you ask? well....

I'm a first timer so I have no idea what I'm talking about here, but I imagine.... I'll be sore, I'll be bleeding lots, I hope to BF therefore will be learning that and baby will prob feed heaps, DH, baby & I will be trying to get used to each other, we'll be exhausted....

Add all of the above to the fact that when my parents do come down, DH, baby & I will have to go out to see them, or go into town, or do some type of activity to fill each day for the FULL day, morning until night.... everyday for the duration of their stay.

We can't very well go visit for an hour if they have travelled 3 hours to get here to stay!! They don't know the area too well, there's no facilities where they stay, just the room and restaurant.

Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't want them to come - of course I do!! I'm dreading it tho, all DH & I will want to do is stay home and get used to our baby. The last thing I'll want to do whilst trying to BF and whilst bleeding and being sore, is stay home! I don't know how I can say "mum leave it a while", or "we'll come to you when we're ready". Even that - DH & I don't get much sleep at theirs, it's not "home". I'm dreading our first visit up as we'll be exhausted.

I don't know what to do!!

[~Jess~]

I wouldn't try to leave the house the first few days, and if it were my mom, I'd tell her that. Not rudely or anything. Just like "mom, you're more than welcome to come, but I probably won't feel up to leaving the house for the first couple weeks. Would you rather come then? You're definitely welcome anytime, I just don't want you to be disappointed in your stay."

If she weren't disabled, I'd tell you thhat you'll want her there to help out, but if she's confined to a wheelchair she won't be much help.

[Frozendesire]

I second what Jess said! You for sure wont want to be leaving the house, it's really overwhelming to be out and about with a newborn when your a first time mom, atleast it was for me!

[soImarriedAnerd]

I don't want my family there post baby. I implemented a babymoon (a different kind). more like a honeymoon, you know you get married then you spend a week or two trying to just get used to being married and nothing else. We we are doing babymoon....where once baby is born then we will spend a week trying to get used to being a family and the needs of the new member, and nothing else. So far my side of the family is very ok with that---actually they think its a great idea. And as my mother said---"well thats fine because newborns are boring, I would rather come visit when baby is more playful and interactive anyway!". Now we haven't even told his side we are pregnant yet--and I KNOW his mother/father will have issues-but we agreed we are doing it for at least 5 days--and if they come they aren't allowed in the hotel room nor are we going out to see them....they can just sit there.

Maybe you could spin it in a babymoon way? Also did her mom come and help her out a ton when her babies were born---maybe its a mother thing they feel they need to be there or something to help....she may just want to feel like you need her.

[Resi]

Believe me.. You will NOT want to entertain or go out much at all the first couple weeks. You will be putting all of your engery and time into that little jellybaby. The first week I walked around between a couple rooms in those lovely fishnet panties and my nursing bra with my boobs hanging out. Thank goodness it was just Me, Oliver, Damon, and my Mom. You won't have much time to wash up, brush your teeth, use the bathroom, and eat between taking care of your baby. I'm not sure what to tell your parents. But I hope you can break it to them in some way that makes them understand. You won't want or need the added stress.

I would talk to your mother and tell her that your not sure you will be able to get out. And that you will feel bad if she comes all that way when you are not up to leaving the house. Can you just talk to her and tell it to her like you told us?

[lauren in hi]

I would explain to your parents that you aren't going to be able to leave the house with baby for the first few weeks, so as much as you'd love to have them, it would be better for them to wait so that you can have a proper visit.

I know I am going to have to explain stuff to family or friends too...when we're back at home I don't want anyone over for the first few weeks or so. I'll let my immediate family & my ILs come but no one else. I am not going to take any chances w/ my c-section recovery and I am also hoping to be breastfeeding & perhaps even pumping so it's not like I would really WANT people around for that.

[*krista*]

You should just be honest with her. I don't think the way you feel is hurtful or rude or anything. It is totally understandable that you need at the very least a few days rest with your new family before going out and about!

[.Brandi.]

I agree with Jess and Resi is right, you're not gonna have much time for anything!!!

[ShannonMVT]

I ditto what Jess said. I can understand why your mom would want at least a peek at the little Jellybaby, I'm sure she is excited. Can she visit you at the hospital after the baby is born just for a short bit to meet her grandchild? Then maybe come visit several weeks later and have more of a real visit.

It's pointless if they come down whilst I'm in hospital, the visiting hours here are 3-4pm and 7-8pm. So they'd come all this way for that and the likelyhood is I'd be in for 1 or 2 days. I don't ant them down whilst I'm in hospital - that goes for all family except DH. I want my time in hospital to be concentrated on learning BFing.

I sent mum a msg last night saying, can you wait until baby is born, we see how my delivery goes, and wait and see how long my hospital stay is... then decide from there. I said I can't imagine with being sore, bleeding & trying to BF that we'd be up for going out for long periods of time. She didn't reply - which is unusual, mum & I text goodnight every night and I got nothing.

I sent her one this morning saying I hope I didn't offend, I just want to be sure that when they do come down, we're all able to spend time together and for them not to miss out. I think dad had a word to her as she replied saying she understands and that DH needs bonding time with baby as well. So I think we're on the same level. The more I thought about it the more I realised - it's not going to matter when they come down - it'll still be a struggle to get out, it'll just be a bit worse in that first week.

[Mars]

I wouldn't try to leave the house the first few days, and if it were my mom, I'd tell her that. Not rudely or anything. Just like "mom, you're more than welcome to come, but I probably won't feel up to leaving the house for the first couple weeks. Would you rather come then? You're definitely welcome anytime, I just don't want you to be disappointed in your stay."

If she weren't disabled, I'd tell you thhat you'll want her there to help out, but if she's confined to a wheelchair she won't be much help. [/b]

My mom called when I came home to know if I wanted her to come and help out with anything. I told her that DH was off for the first 2 weeks so I would be fine plus it's a good bonding time for just us and the baby. I also told her that I didn't want her to feel like I was shutting her out and that when DH goes back to work, she's welcomed to come by any day she feels to and I'd get DH's mom to come by on the same day.

As for the disability, I'd just say to her that since I don't know how labour is going to be yet, I'd like to have a few days to recover before having visitors since I would have to entertain them and chances are I'd not be in a position to do so.