[Resi]

My Mom just called me at work. She said her friend called and read an article about a 11 month old baby who died because he/she was sleeping between the parents and could not turn over or something. The article said never ever to let a baby sleep in the same bed as the parents. Of course I have heard your not suppose to before. But, Oliver has been sleeping with me since he was a newborn. I do worry that something can happen. I know I'm not the only one who does this. I know it's going to be very hard to get him use to sleeping in his own bed or even in the same room but in a seperate sleeping area than me. Plus, I get so sad when I think about not having him next to me. I don't want him crying and getting upset that he isn't next to me anymore. However, I do not want to have something awful happen. I don't know what to do! I'm scared. I need advice. I know some of you have had your baby in the bed next to you during the whole night, right?

[♥Ashley♥]

My sister has had her son in bed with her since the day he came home from the hospital with no problems at all. She is the same as you, she gets very sad at the thought of leaving him in his crib all alone. I dont think shes planning on stopping for a long while! You just have to be careful and your fine, as im sure you are! When I babysit him he sleeps in bed with me too in his sleep postitioner.

[LisanAndy]

I coslept with Taylor for the first 2.5 months of her life and she was just fine. Then she was in the basinet half the night and then slept with me the other half until she was 4 months old. Then I put her in her crib. She was perfectly fine. I was SUPER aware of her the whole time and felt I got much better sleep at night.

[soImarriedAnerd]

I don't yet but will for as long as we are on the road!

Here are some facts and research on the topic...they should make you feel much better about bedsharing!
http://www.mothering.com/articles/ne...eep/sleep.html
http://www.mothering.com/articles/new_baby...bed-safety.html
http://www.attachmentparenting.org/support...urces.php#night
http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/overlaying.html
http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/faq.html
http://www.attachmentparenting.org/support...pguidelines.php
http://www.naturalchild.org/articles/sleeping.html

I can come up with a ton more!
What I hate about those scare articles is 80% of the time they fail to mention...mom or dad had drinks that night or was taking a drug with sleepy side effects or its a waterbed (no no there!).

"The American Academy of Pediatrics and UNICEF both recommend cosleeping because it supports breastfeeding and bonding in the first six months of life and beyond -- both very important for baby's physical and emotional health. Attachment Parenting International supports sleeping arrangements that enable parents to be emotionally responsive to their infant while protecting baby's physical safety."

Also cosleeping for the first 6 months is recommended to help prevent SIDS! The number one bit thing is sleeping on back, but the latest and greatest research shows the second thing that any parent can do to help is cosleep!

Your doing a GREAT thing....your listening to your heart and your intuition about whats best for you and baby---THATS whats best, don't listen to the rest!

[Mars]

I agree with Angela but eventually you will need to start weaning him from your bed. Do you have any idea when you will start to do this?

[Resi]

Thank you for making me feel better. Angela - I love mothering magazine. I read a lot of those articles already. Thanks for posting all the links.

[IamMom]

Oh Resi - there are articles about children dying from doing just about everything...even the safest things...that's life and its sad...so don't let this sway you from doing what is good for you and your family. Personally, I cannot sleep with my baby in the bed....maybe a few nights here and there I let Harrison sleep with me when he was a newborn but DH especially couldn't sleep with baby in the bed.....so we knew for us the baby had to be in his own bed. I also personally want my children to feel strong, independent, and confident in their own abilities and sleeping on their own is one of those things for me. I don't feel that my son feels any less close to me or loved because he has to sleep in his own bed. I think he feels proud and he's happy in his own space - he's very independent. We have started letting him come and snuggle in the bed and watch a cartoon on the weekends for a little while after he wakes up - my parents did this with my sister and I we called it "cuddle time" and it was a really good bonding time. Yet we all get good restful sleep during the night and DH get our alone time still to be a couple which is really important. My son can now pretty much go to bed anywhere we are...hotel, friends houses, my parents house, DH's parents house...without any problems....as long as we stick to the routine.

My son gets alot of attention, cuddling, etc. We take him everywhere with us and we do alot with him..reading, flash cards, etc. But we are more traditional parents....and it seems to suit my sons independent and confident personality well. You just have to find what's right for your family!

[thepinkleprechaun]

We are still bedsharing and I don't think Phin will be moving to a crib anytime soon. I can't sleep unless he is next to me because it just freaks me out that something might happen if he were in a different room...
I agree with Angela that they usually don't disclose all the facts, like if the parents were on medication or something. I honestly think that they like to blame it on co sleeping just to scare people into not doing it!


I feel bad though because I let him sleep on his stomach and that is supposed to be a big no-no. He sleeps so much better like that though and I'm right there the whole time so I don't know why it's a problem

[amazing_love]

Wow thanks for sharing Angela! I've never heard any of that before, i've only just heard that it was unsafe. As of now i don't plan to cosleep, but it sounds like if you go about it in the right way there's not much danger.

[~*Bethy*~]

I co-slept with Ian till he was about a year old. I made sure several times a night that he could breath/had ventalation - he was an under the blankets sleeper. when he got older (Id say 10 months or so) we bought a body pillow and used that for all of us to sleep on. He HATED his crib, and was more happy about sleeping in a pack in play vs the crib!!! he loved sleeping with his momma and papa

~Beth

[**Jenn**]

Try not to stress out about it Resi. Co sleeping done properly is completely safe and has many advantages for both parents and baby. Lochlann still co sleeps about half the night with us. He slept with us exclusively until he was about 4months old when he would start out the night in the pack n play next to our bed and would spend the rest of the night in our bed after he woke from his first feeding. That's also when I started putting him in the pack n play for naps. By 6months we did the same thing but in his crib in the room he shares with Liam. This is what we still do now. When he gets up he comes into bed with us and sleeps the rest of the night in our bed. He always had to be nursed to sleep but the past week or so he's been going to sleep on his own in his own crib if he doesn't fall asleep nursing. We did the same thing with Liam too but he started sleeping through the night at about 10 months. Every child has their own needs and will secure good sleeping habits when they're ready. Lochlann was not anywhere near ready to sleep on his own at 10 months old but Liam was. They are both very independent boys but they love their snuggle time too. Personally I feel much more secure having the baby in the bed with me for the first several months. And they've both been belly sleepers too. I tried to get Liam to sleep on his back but when he was 2 months old he spit up and choked and couldn't breathe. He was in his crib at the time and had it been 5 or 10 minutes later Ian and I would have been asleep and never would have known. We were following the "rules" (back to sleep and sleeping in his crib) but we would have woken up to a tragedy. From that moment on we co slept full time with baby on his belly. You really just have to trust your own Mommy instincts and do what is best for you and your baby. We've gone through a lot of trial and error and co sleeping was never on the agenda before we had Liam but its what works for our kids and us.

[ScottishBrit]

Yup we do it too. Cambria slept with us exclusivly till she was 6 months. Now she's next to the bed in her PnP part of the night. I put her to bed in it but when she wakes she goes back to bed with us. Her room is like Ice and I would feel bad putting her in the Crib right now. DH didn't want her with us and was freaked out all the time. Now when she's not there at night in the morning he always says " I miss the baby, put her back in the bed" I tuck the Comforter around her and well aware of sleeping with her at night. Dont stress over It Resi, I still get comments about it being "bad" all the time. I just brush it off. IM raiseing my baby, not them...

[greeneyes]

Lily co-slept with us for the first six weeks and then was in a bassinet in our room until she was six months old. The first few nights she was in the bassinet were hard for both of us. I ended up swaddling her next to a t-shirt of mine and that seemed to soothe her.

As for co-sleeping being dangerous, I agree that you could find an article talking about the "dangers" of just about any parenting choice out there. You know what YOUR family situation is and can therefor make the best choice for YOUR family. You're a great mama, Resi, trust your instincts.

[Adriana's Mommy]

I never let Adriana sleep with us but she had a great routine down by the age of 3 months and I wasn't going to break it. My advice is to find what works best for you.. One thing to consider is what are you going to do when he gets mobile, or maybe you have a early walker on your hands.. Then your going to start worrying about him crawling or walking of the bed when you and DH are sleeping.. just something to think about because he's going to be crawling and walking before you know it..

[thepinkleprechaun]

I tried to get Liam to sleep on his back but when he was 2 months old he spit up and choked and couldn't breathe. He was in his crib at the time and had it been 5 or 10 minutes later Ian and I would have been asleep and never would have known. We were following the "rules" (back to sleep and sleeping in his crib) but we would have woken up to a tragedy. From that moment on we co slept full time with baby on his belly. You really just have to trust your own Mommy instincts and do what is best for you and your baby. We've gone through a lot of trial and error and co sleeping was never on the agenda before we had Liam but its what works for our kids and us.[/b]

That is exactly what I'm afraid of! I would probably notice since he sleeps with me, but Phin seems to puke at totally random times. I'm really glad you said this though because the tummy sleeping is really the only parenting thing that I totally feel guilty about...but I still do it lol!

[Angelaosaurus-rex]

I have read so many good things and also so many and tings about co-sleeping. I think this is just the hard thing about being a parent, you HAVE to make every important decision for them. Either way something bad could happen and either why you could what if. You just have to make the decision that you feel is best for your baby. I feel Landen is safer with me, I don't plan on putting him in his own bed until he shows signs of being ready like not waking up too eat lol! Just do what you feel is best for both you and Oliver!!! Or maybe if it is really making you uncomfortable could he sleep in a pack and play next to your bed?

I feel very comportable co-sleeping with Reid, but I usually don't simply because I don't sleep as well. He slept curled up next to me the first week or so that he was home. Dh also co-sleeps with him but for short periods, like naps or an hour before Reid wakes up for the day. I don't want DH next to Reid while he is in a deep sleep. Mothers have natural instincts that fathers may not have, and while I do trust that nothing would happen, it makes me more comfortable when Reid is on my side in the middle of the night because I literally DONT MOVE....which is why it's so uncomfortable for me! lol

[Resi]

I do feel comfortable with it and I don't think anything will happen. BUT, when I hear scary stories it makes me scared of the what if's. Damon sometimes naps with him too or will lay with him in the early morning when I leave for work.

[**Jenn**]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE

I tried to get Liam to sleep on his back but when he was 2 months old he spit up and choked and couldn't breathe. He was in his crib at the time and had it been 5 or 10 minutes later Ian and I would have been asleep and never would have known. We were following the "rules" (back to sleep and sleeping in his crib) but we would have woken up to a tragedy. From that moment on we co slept full time with baby on his belly. You really just have to trust your own Mommy instincts and do what is best for you and your baby. We've gone through a lot of trial and error and co sleeping was never on the agenda before we had Liam but its what works for our kids and us.[/b]

That is exactly what I'm afraid of! I would probably notice since he sleeps with me, but Phin seems to puke at totally random times. I'm really glad you said this though because the tummy sleeping is really the only parenting thing that I totally feel guilty about...but I still do it lol!
[/b][/quote]
Honestly Katie, the belly sleeping is something I always felt guilty about too. Which is why I feel I *need* to cosleep. So I'm right there to check on him throughout the night. I'm a very light sleeper anyway.

And I have to say that night with Liam was one of the worst moments of my life. It happened so fast too. One minute Ian had layed him in his crib and we turned around to get pajamas on and get into bed. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him thrashing back and forth and turning blue. I screamed at Ian to get him and he had to turn him over and whack his back several times before it came up and he could finally get a breath. It scared us so much. We threw out the "rules" and followed our gut.

Resi, bad things can happen no matter what you do. There's a horror story for everything. All you can do is make the best decisions for your baby. What is best for Oliver may not be best for someone else's baby. No one knows him like you and Damon so only you guys will know whats best for him. Don't be afraid you'll ruin a good sleep schedule either. Like I said, we coslept with Liam and he's a great sleeper; has been since he was 10 months old. He goes to bed with no problems, transitioned to his big boy bed at just over 2 with no problems, and is just an all around great sleeper. Lochlann is doing great going to sleep on his own now too and I can lay him down awake and he'll go to sleep on his own. 17 months old may seem late to some for doing this but he wasn't ready before now and I think if we pushed it it would only make the situation worse for him. I did night wean him a couple weeks ago but he still gets up once during the night and I bring him in bed to snuggle and thats where he stays til he wakes for his morning nursing. Oliver will not always sleep in your bed, he will not always nurse to sleep, and he will not always wake a few times a night. Cherish this time because it's over way too fast. Try not to think of what *could* happen and just enjoy the closeness you share together. He'll be just fine!

[Frozendesire]

Resi, you are such a wonderful momma thinking and wondering about things I think you should just do what is best for your family. Tummy sleeping, co sleeping, whatever. You know what is right for your family. There is always going to be some sorta horror story about anything really. It's just that stuff happens... it's hard to always control everything. I know that sucks, it really does but just go with your instincts. Obviously you are only thinking about what is safe for him so you wont put him in any more danger then in any other situation.

Good luck hun