[Resi]

I feel like I'm missing out so much with working full time. Damon is doing great with taking care of him M-F while I work and I'm happy they get to spend so much time together to become close. However, I only get to see Oliver for 2-3 hours per day during the week while he is awake. I hate it. There is a big chance that he will be our only child and I don't want to miss out on anything. I feel guilty that I'm not there for him and it's not fair for him to not get to see me while he is awake.

I have been trying to think of any way that I could stay home with him or at least stay home with him an extra day. At this time there is no way that I can be a SAHM. We have already cancelled our cable and down graded our phones to save $80 per month. There is nothing else to cut out. The only thing I can think of his possibly refiancing our mortgage if it will save us $100-150 per month. Also, paying off our debt would save $150 per month in payments which I'm working on paying off. Then cutting down on spending so much at the grocery store. If I did all that I could stay home an extra day per week. But, it's not something I can do right away. I have thought about watching a couple children at my home but I don't feel it's secure work and anything can happen with that. Plus, I don't know how well I could handle 2-3 other children or if I would even be able to find that many to watch FT.

I miss him so much and when I get home I cherish our time together. I live for the weekends so I can have my quality time with him. I'm not big on a career and I would give anything to be a SAHM. I could just cry thinking about it.

[BambolinaItaliana]

i am sorry you are having a hard time! i know how hard it can be, i hated working 10 hr days and never seeing Sophie for that year and a half, i didn't get to see her first steps, take her to play groups or anything that i was so looking forward to with becoming a mom. not only that but Dh and her have formed a bond that is unbreakable, and i am jealous sometimes that she does so much better with him than she does with me. but i did what you did, worked my butt off so when Giosue` got here all of our debt was paid off, and we could afford for me to stay home. Of course we don't have a home, we rent a tiny apt but if we have to live on top of eachother till Enzo finishes school so I can stay at home, so be it!! I hope things work out soon so you can stay at home and enjoy Oliver!!

[soImarriedAnerd]

I don't have any words of advice just


have you been over the financial planning board or the other save money type board (sorry I can't think of the name right now). Some times a fresh pair of eyes can help!

That must be hard. I can't think of what you can do except seriously downsize into a smaller place to save on a mortgage, work even more hours now to pay off debt so maybe you can stay home when he is older, or move to Texas. Where there is a will, there is a way! Even if it takes baby steps and some time to get there

[ScottishBrit]

Is there anyway you can just work part time or take an extra day off here and there. Im sorry, I know I would go crazy not being with Cambria everyday. I wish there was some way I could help.

[Miracle]

I don't know how you working moms do it. Hopefully you guys can work something out soon.

[Mars]

I can't offer any real good advice either. I know I will hate it when I have to go back to work but one income would not be enough to sustain our family properly plus I want to make sure that we are in a solid financial position to offer her the best education we can afford amongst other things. Yes I will miss out on certain things that she does but when we're together I will devote that time to her and make it count.

I wish I could offer some ray of sunshine. I hope you figure something out.

[bittersweet]

I can empathize with your pain. But by working the hours you are working you are providing for Oliver and your family. That is a huge role that Oliver will be very thankful for when he is older. And there are many many mommies that work full time. Oliver knows he is loved and as long as someone is home with him, giving him love and care that is all that matters. If you can make it work to stay home an extra day, great. But don't beat yourself up over it if it isnt possible.

[HopeWishWait]

I'm sorry this is so rough on you I wish I could offer advice but I don't really have any. I hope you can work something out sometime soon!

[**Jenn**]

I'm so sorry you're so down about this Resi. I know how tough it is to be away. When I started back to work after I had Liam it was horrible. I cried every day. Which is why I quit just a few weeks later to stay home. We had to make major concessions--living with my in laws being a huge one. Some day we'll be out on our own but this is what works for us now and enables me to be home full time with the boys.

I think it's great that Damon gets so much one on one time with Oliver though I can see how that can be hard for you too. Liam has always had such a close bond with Ian and I still get those pangs every now and then even though I'm thrilled they are so close.

Is there anyway you could work from home even if it's one day a week? Is looking for another job out of the question or find one other than child care that you can work from home doing? Do you have any special skills you can market? I know there's lots of SAHM that run little businesses out of their homes to bring in extra money. I don't know if you know how to sew but maybe you could learn if you don't and make cloth diapers or something? Anything baby related that you could do custom work for? I know of someone that made tye-dye baby bedding and clothes and stuff. Just throwing some suggestions out there, I don't know if any are viable solutions but maybe think outside the box a bit and see if you can come up with anything?

[LisanAndy]

I'm sorry Resi! I really don't have the words for you. I'm a SAHM and I KNOW how hard it is to do financially, I totally get that Big hugs!

[Angelaosaurus-rex]

[~*sierra*~]

awe *hugs* resi. i can't even imagine how hard it must be. i hope it works out sooner rather than later. xoxo

[Frozendesire]

I am so sorry I would be so heart broken if I was you. It must be so very hard.

I know we get by with very little and live in a not so pretty, very small place haha but that is something we did so that I can stay at home. We actually just re financed some of our stuff and minimized one of our biggest payments (other then rent of course)... which will really help us.

It's tough, but we get by pretty well I think. Maybe you can sit down with him and work something out? Where you only work a couple days a week or you move to a cheaper place?

[Adriana's Mommy]

I work full time and I totally understand what your going through.. It does get easier.. I remember when I had the same feelings your going through, but now I feel like I never missed anything.. I saw all of Adriana's firsts.. I was vary fortunate.. But it does get easier.. Plus, with the way the economy is going, having a job is a good thing.. And your being smart on paying bills off.. The way the economy is going, things are going to get rough the next 10 years.. Inflation is on it's way, it's better to be prepared for it, then not to be.. The U.S gov't is printing money like it's going out of style, it's only a matter of time when our dollar isn't worth much..

[lauren in hi]

It is definitely hard to go to work esp. when they are so young. I have to work...it's not an option for me not to, esp. living where I do. But I am helping to provide for my family and I do make sure that Abby and I have some time together every day. She also has daddy time too. Don't feel badly that you can't stay home. Oliver will always love you and know how much you love him. I thought Abby would be my only child, but you never know, things can change. Just enjoy your time together right now...you are an awesome mother!

I can't imagine what it's like for you We're very lucky in the UK, we get Statutory Maternity Pay for 39 weeks, granted it's much less then half of my working salary, but it is income and as difficult as it will be, we'll manage for the duration of my Mat Leave. I can't imagine what it's like for you girls overseas

I hope you can work something out. I liked the idea of perhaps some sort of work from home, like the cloth diapers, or something... jewellery making? Greeting card making?

[Kerysma]

I'm so sorry Resi! When it came time for me to go back to work I got offered the first job I interviewed for. I went on a tour of the daycare we had been on the looong waiting list for and just freaked out and couldn't do it. After I totaled my car the insurance paid it off and we used DH's bonus money to buy a used car so we no longer have car payments. We have cut back on our expenses big time, we only go out on special occasions now instead of twice a day. I feel for you, hun!